Sunday, October 05, 2008

Vice President Candidate Debate October 2, 2008

Debate - Candidates for Vice President
Sen. Joe Biden
Gov. Sarah Palin
Gwen Ifill
October 2, 2008

Gwen Ifill: welcome to Kabuki 2008!!

Audience: Yaaaayyy!!!!

Ifill: Baldy - Bailout - yes no?

Joe Biden: Nice to meet you for the first time Sarah

Sarah Palin: you to Jim

Biden: Obama had a four point plan and a plan to help the middle class and that's why he chose for me - for my incredible exitement

Palin: to learn about economics go to a kid's soccer game and you will hear about the need for regulation which of course the Republican party stands for

Biden: fuck wha?

Palin: hey he suspended his campaign to fail at getting something done

Biden: oh c'mon at 9:00 am he told soccer moms everything was fine and at 9:15 he said it sucked

Palin: no he meant the American worker was fine -- how dare you put the worker down - but with all due respect Jack we don't need another long time Senator in the White House we need John McCain!

Ifill: you're slippery sarah

Palin: we the pro-regulation pro-government joe sixpacks and hockey moms need to get together and work with republicans to say never again will let liberals like George Bush take advantage of us!!

Biden: hey did you know john McCain who is a very good man is in fact a Republican

Ifill: no!

Palin: darn right we need tax relief - but Barack voted to increase taxes 940 times - that's one time for every muslim in Kenya

Biden: but-

Palin: and Obama wants to confiscate all income from people making $40,000

Biden: ok she just lied and i can prove it - McCain cast the same fucking vote

Ifill: Governor Liar?

Palin: i may not answer the questions but that only proves I'm a wacky maverick from a Disney movie!

Ifill: do you want to wage class warfare

Biden: sure we're going to raise taxes on the rich while Big Rich John voted to raise taxes 340 times - this is only fairness for the suffering the middle class

Palin: you're forgetting the millions of tiny little business - Real patriotism is looking at the American flag and saying - that's the problem!

Ifill: what is McCain's health plan?

Palin: a $5,000 tax credit which doesn't cost the government anything

Ifill: math not your strong suit, huh?

Biden: redistribute my ass

Palin: no thanks you betcha

Biden: fuck this - McCain is going to tax your health care benefits from your employer plan - taking $12,000 from you and giving it to insurers

Ifill: what promises will your promise to break

Biden: the promise to break one of my promises - i will break that one

Ifill: huh?

Biden: Cayman islands taxes and aid to brown countries

Palin: i want to go back to the energy plan

Ifill: we weren't talking about that

Palin: i took on Exxon and said they are bad

Ifill: you're joking

Palin: also i stuck it to hockey moms and took on Women Who Look Like Tina Fey

Ifill: how about answering just one of my questions

Palin: I support Massive Oversight

Biden: where do i start? Where??

Ifill: i have no idea

Biden: she has a windfall profits tax but Crazy won't support it

Ifill: the economy?

Palin: recall that John McCain was calling for Big Reform and wow we just learned the Republican party is incredibly corrupt oh boy we better elect liberals like me and John McCain

Biden: yeah well i voted for the Bankruptcy bill because I'm from Delaware but John McCain has no idea what the fuck is going on

Ifill: your answer sarah?

Palin: that you for asking me about energy

Ifill: i didn't

Palin: Also Obama voted for the energy bill in 2005 and MCain called for regulating fannie mae

Ifill: are you a robot?

Palin: those east coast elitists don't want oil which flows red white and blue - they hate America

Ifill: you don't believe in climate change

Palin: it's real but i don't want to argue about the cause - the point is we have to reject liberals like George Bush and Barack Obama and environmentalists like John McCain

Ifill: of course

Palin: also we like conservation and why let other countries pollute?

Biden: global warming is man made - but the point is John McCain hates wind

Ifill: are you two really the best your parties could do??

Biden: yes

Palin: no

Biden: they only want to drill

Palin: the chant is 'drill baby drill' and I hear it everywhere i go!

Ifill: no bedroom talk please

Palin: he opposed clean coal in a rope line once

Biden: oh please

Palin: what about good clean patriotic god-given natural gas

Ifill: gays?

Biden: i love gays - i love those fuckin gays!

Palin: i am for people choosing what they want as long as it isn't being gay

Ifill: um what

Palin: well it's ok for a sodomizer to sign a contract i guess

Ifill: hair plugs address gay marriage

Biden: no that's a faith question

Ifill: well that and the state

Palin: no gay marriage

Ifill: wonderful you agree that gays are second-class citizens!!

Ifill: Iraq!

Palin: Obama hate the troops and voted to starve them and take away their bullets - but if we lose there we will lose in Afghanistan and we must never leave except for honor and glory

Biden: oh horseshit John McCain also voted against funding the troops and will all due respect to Palin i didn't hear a plan from Governor six pack

Ifill: what's your plan?

Palin: we so very very very close to victory and here you want to wave to white the flag of surrender - we're getting’ closer and closer to winnin’

Palin: I can't see how you can defend someone who would cut off funding for the troops

Biden: you hate John McCain

Palin: but he's an old white man

Biden: hey bin laden may be in Alaska and we may have to bomb it

Palin: hey don't believe me - listen to al qaeda they say the Iraq is the front line in the war on terror

Ifill: which the most dangerous country

Palin: more dangerous even than Achmedinejad and Kim Ill John and the Jonas Brothers is Obama - he would meet with Henry Kissinger without the precious 'pre conditions'

Biden: oh for god's sake it's true the Jonas Brothers are pretty apalling but McCain won't even meet the King of Spain

Ifilll: Israel?

Palin: we will never allow a 2nd Holocaust by building a new embassy

Ifill: there you go

Biden: no one is a better friend to Israel than this guy i know named Joe Biden

Ifill: who?

Biden: Joe Biden says Iran is on the march and Joe Biden will change the policy toward Hamas

Ifill: gwen ifill asks you about hamas

Palin: i don't know what that is - but sure Bush is all about Huge Blunders like all administrations but if you keep bashing Bush it proves you don't want to change from President Bush

Ifill: who would you nuke?

Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world

Ifill: um

Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie

Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer

Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography

Ifill: who would you nuke?

Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world

Ifill: um

Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie

Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer

Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography

Ifill: does american have the stomach for more boots on the ground in africa

Biden: hey look at bosnia or kosovo or iraq or iran

Ifill: okay

Biden: hey i voted for a war that would take 10 years and result in millions dead

Ifill: foreign policy

Palin: these people hate america and our women's right that's why pre conditions are so very very very important

Palin: wow ya know i'm not an insider cause i doan know where darfur is or what they did to this guy Chad

Biden: we have to draw a lot of lines and speak discursively on the hearings on i opposed the McCain strategy

Palin: well sure there have been blunders by people like John McCain but he John McCain knows evil after all he is a Republican

Ifill: how would a Biden presidency differ from Obama after he is killed

Biden: i would use my time to attack Bush-McCain and carry the work of our slain hero

Palin: ha i'm a maverick!

Ifill: same question for when McCain dies

Palin: i would put a hockey rink in the rose garden and have unwed teen kids in the White House

Ifill: you are mavericky

Palin: there ya go again trying to call McCain a republican hee hee

Ifill: well he is

Palin: Joe my condolences on your wife! we gotta ramp up all school learnin!

Ifill: what the fuck would you do in DC dimwit

Palin: i would drill drill and also carry around my baby around the Capital

Biden: let me speak discursively on this subject

Ifill: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ifill: Do you agree with Cheney that the VP is not in the Executive branch

Palin: we will administer plans appropriate to the nation also i was in the PTA

Biden: read Article One Dick is the most dangerous VP in American history

Ifill: aaron burr tried to a revolution

Biden: i know but he never shot anyone

Ifill: actually he shot Hamilton

Ifill: now is moment in the debate when we Babble incoherently!!

Palin: baby children middle america world view jesus city on a hill hockey mom unapolgetic tolderance freedom equal rice

Ifill: wow just wow

Biden: crime bill 100,000 cops violence against women Bosnia single parent kitchen table Wilmington beautiful house better off single father

[chokes up]

Ifill: wow

Palin: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaveriiick!!!

Ifill: do you want to expand on that

Palin: maaaaaaaaveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!

Ifill: do you have another word?

Palin: look McCain’s bipartisan he's supported by Giuliani and Mitt Romney

Biden: he's not a maverick - he's goddam asshole

Ifill: flip flop?

Biden: as a pointy headed illecktual i said no to Bork who we know now is one evil motherfucker

Palin: hey we'd all love to cut taxes to zero but i have never compromised - i just run a bipartisan operation

Ifill: you keep talking about bipartisanship what's all that about?

Biden: jesse helms and i had a baby with braces

Ifill: i appointed democrats who both speak in tounges and handle snakes - so there's real diversity there ya know

Ifill: closing statement

Palin: the media are liberal and evil and i want to assure you people that even though we are Republicans in name we will fight for the little people and i can prove it by threatening to kill all the brown people and there is only one man who have fought for you and you owe it to him to vote for the POW!!!!!!!

Biden: While exxon make billions i have a son in Iraq and so does John I might add and i grew up in an honest neighborhood and my dad had an expression he said baldy shut the fuck once in your life in the name of the father son and holy spirit

Ifill: amen and good night


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