Host: Martha Raddatz
Col. Steve Ganyard
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Raddatz: OMG the Malaysian
plane is still missing
Curley: it just disappeared Martha
Curley: no distress call – nothing at all
Nance: this never happens
Woodruff: family members are
hoping the plane was hijacked
Curely: the most likely possibility
is structural failure
Nance: that's almost impossible
Curely: or pilot error or suicide
Raddatz: Mike what happened
to this plane?
Raddatz: why were stolen
passports allowed on board?
Rogers: they were fiendishly clever
Raddatz: did America detect an explosion?
Rogers: no and I would know
Raddatz: how is America
leading the investigation?
Thomas: the U.S. will use facial
recognition to look for terrorists
Raddatz: that's cool
Thomas: also we will investigate
every passenger for signs of terrorism
Raddatz: did the pilots turn around?
Ganyard: who knows?
Raddatz: why no distress signal?
Ganyard: maybe the plane just exploded
Ganyard: or something happened
and they were trying to fix the plane
Raddatz: I have GPS in my car
and yet we can't find a giant plane
Ganyard: hey it's a big ocean
Raddatz: I don't get it
Ganyard: there's no radar
in the Pacific Martha
Ganyard: they never found Amelia Earhart
Raddatz: what does your gut tell you?
Ganyard: something really weird happened
Thomas: remember toothpaste
bombs can bring down a jetliner
[ break ]
Raddatz: what's happening in Crimea?
Marquardt: Russia has invaded
Marquardt: they seized the
airport and laid down mines
Marquardt: John Kerry said
Crimea is Ukraine
Raddatz: bold move
Marquardt: they will have a vote
whether or not to join Russia
and there will be two choices
– join now or join later
Raddatz: so they consider
Marquardt: not the Tatars
Raddatz: naturally not them
Marquardt: Russia does its
talking with guns
Raddatz: why should Americans
care about Crimea?
Rogers: the stock market dropped!
Raddatz: why else?
Rogers: because America needs
to be more manly than Russia
Raddatz: so what happens next?
Rogers: we have two sets of laws –
the right to overthrow the
President and right to secede
Raddatz: what's the deal with Putin?
Rogers: he wants to be respected
as a real man so he's sending in troops
Rogers: Obama thought if he just
acted nice everything would be
okay and that was wrong
Raddatz: maybe he looked into his soul
Rogers: that's low Martha
[ break ]
Raddatz: OMG this is just like the
Cold War which was the best!
Audience: do you believe in miracles?!
Raddatz: we still have 450
nuclear missiles – watch out Vlad!
Audience: USA! USA!
Raddatz: the missiles are guarded by
soldiers with nuclear keys who just sit
around deep underground doing
nothing days at a time
Officer: it's so mind-numbing
sometimes we feel like launching
a nuke just to relieve the boredom
Officer: I sleep pretty well at night
knowing those boys with the little
brass keys are down there!
Raddatz: why not turn control
over to the missile headquarters?
WOPR: would you like to play a game?
[ break ]
Raddatz: should we saber rattle
just to let Putin know he can't
push America around?
Ganyard: we sent ships to the
Baltics but oops Crimea is
on the Black Sea
Raddatz: minor details
[ break ]
Raddatz: Ted Cruz is a GOP star!
Karl: CPAC unites the right,
the far right, and the totally crazy
Karl: Ted Cruz was unknown a year
ago but when he shut down the
government he became a GOP star
Cruz: Obama coddles and
appeases our enemies
Karl: would go after Putin?
Cruz: no of course not
Karl: aren't you appeasing Putin too?
Cruz: Obama showed
weakness for five years
Karl: George Bush did nothing
when he invaded Georgia
Cruz: Obama hates freedom
Karl: Rand Paul thinks you're nuts
Cruz: we should be very
reluctant to use force
Karl: so Obama is right?
Cruz: no because Reagan tore
down the Berlin Wall with the
power of his words alone
Cruz: Bob Dole didn't stand for principle
McCain: Bob Dole was shot in Italy
Karl: other Republicans hate your guts
Cruz: I know that
Karl: do you really think Obama
would repeal his own signature law?
Cruz: yes every single word
Karl: I love how delusional you are
Cruz: the media treats the idea as bizarre
Karl: it is bizarre
Cruz: it's completely realistic
Karl: you're hilarious
Cruz: I'm serious Jon