Sunday, March 09, 2014

This Week With George Stephanopoulos – March 9, 2014

Host: Martha Raddatz
David Curley
Bob Woodruff
Pierre Thomas
Alex Marquardt
Jon Karl
John Nance
Col. Steve Ganyard
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Raddatz: OMG the Malaysian
plane is still missing

Curley: it just disappeared Martha

Raddatz: wow

Curley: no distress call – nothing at all

Nance: this never happens

Woodruff: family members are
hoping the plane was hijacked

Curely: the most likely possibility
is structural failure

Nance: that's almost impossible

Curely: or pilot error or suicide

Raddatz: Mike what happened
to this plane?

Rogers: terrorism!

Raddatz: why were stolen
passports allowed on board?

Rogers: they were fiendishly clever

Raddatz: wow


Raddatz: did America detect an explosion?

Rogers: no and I would know

Raddatz: how is America
leading the investigation?

Thomas: the U.S. will use facial
recognition to look for terrorists

Raddatz: that's cool

Thomas: also we will investigate
every passenger for signs of terrorism

Raddatz: did the pilots turn around?

Ganyard: who knows?

Raddatz: why no distress signal?

Ganyard: maybe the plane just exploded

Raddatz: yikes

Ganyard: or something happened
and they were trying to fix the plane

Raddatz: I have GPS in my car
and yet we can't find a giant plane

Ganyard: hey it's a big ocean

Raddatz: I don't get it

Ganyard: there's no radar
in the Pacific Martha

Raddatz: geez

Ganyard: they never found Amelia Earhart

Raddatz: what does your gut tell you?

Ganyard: something really weird happened

Thomas: remember toothpaste
bombs can bring down a jetliner

[ break ]

Raddatz: what's happening in Crimea?

Marquardt: Russia has invaded

Raddatz: wow

Marquardt: they seized the
airport and laid down mines

Raddatz: cripes

Marquardt: John Kerry said
Crimea is Ukraine

Raddatz: bold move

Marquardt: they will have a vote
whether or not to join Russia
and there will be two choices
join now or join later

Raddatz: so they consider
themselves Russian?

Marquardt: not the Tatars

Raddatz: naturally not them

Marquardt: Russia does its
talking with guns

Raddatz: why should Americans
care about Crimea?

Rogers: the stock market dropped!

Raddatz: why else?

Rogers: because America needs
to be more manly than Russia

Raddatz: so what happens next?

Rogers: we have two sets of laws –
the right to overthrow the
President and right to secede

Raddatz: what's the deal with Putin?

Rogers: he wants to be respected
as a real man so he's sending in troops

Raddatz: gosh

Rogers: Obama thought if he just
acted nice everything would be
okay and that was wrong

Raddatz: maybe he looked into his soul

Rogers: that's low Martha

[ break ]

Raddatz: OMG this is just like the
Cold War which was the best!

Audience: do you believe in miracles?!

Raddatz: we still have 450
nuclear missiles – watch out Vlad!

Audience: USA! USA!

Raddatz: the missiles are guarded by
soldiers with nuclear keys who just sit
around deep underground doing
nothing days at a time

Officer: it's so mind-numbing
sometimes we feel like launching
a nuke just to relieve the boredom

Officer: I sleep pretty well at night
knowing those boys with the little
brass keys are down there!

Raddatz: why not turn control
over to the missile headquarters?

WOPR: would you like to play a game?

[ break ]

Raddatz: should we saber rattle
just to let Putin know he can't
push America around?

Ganyard: we sent ships to the
Baltics but oops Crimea is
on the Black Sea

Raddatz: minor details

[ break ]

Raddatz: Ted Cruz is a GOP star!

Karl: CPAC unites the right,
the far right, and the totally crazy

Karl: Ted Cruz was unknown a year
ago but when he shut down the
government he became a GOP star

Cruz: Obama coddles and
appeases our enemies

Karl: would go after Putin?

Cruz: no of course not

Karl: aren't you appeasing Putin too?

Cruz: Obama showed
weakness for five years

Karl: George Bush did nothing
when he invaded Georgia

Cruz: Obama hates freedom

Karl: Rand Paul thinks you're nuts

Cruz: we should be very
reluctant to use force

Karl: so Obama is right?

Cruz: no because Reagan tore
down the Berlin Wall with the
power of his words alone

Karl: right

Cruz: Bob Dole didn't stand for principle

McCain: Bob Dole was shot in Italy

Karl: other Republicans hate your guts

Cruz: I know that

Karl: do you really think Obama
would repeal his own signature law?

Cruz: yes every single word

Karl: I love how delusional you are

Cruz: the media treats the idea as bizarre

Karl: it is bizarre

Cruz: it's completely realistic

Karl: you're hilarious

Cruz: I'm serious Jon

Karl: ha ha ha

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