Bill Neely (NBC News)
John Kerry (U.S. Sec. of State)
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Gov. Jerry Brown (D-CA)
Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake (D-Baltimore)
Gregory: OMG one week after
the Olympics Putin has sent
troops to Crimea!
Audience: oh snap
Gregory: this is a direct
challenge to Barack Obama!
Audience: of course
Gregory: will Ukraine try to
Neely: Fluffy they pretty
much already have
Neely: Russia are taking over
much of the Crimea penninsula
Gregory: Secretary Kerry will we
impose costs on Russia for
invading our best friend Ukraine?
Kerry: this is in 19th century thinking
Gregory: it's like a bad game of Risk
Kerry: we could even someday
ban visas or freeze their assets
Gregory: tough talk
Kerry: look you just don't invade
another country on phony pretexts!
Gregory: yeah it's not like they
have WMDs or something
Kerry: zip it Fluffers
Gregory: will NATO lob bombs
to protect Kiev?
Kerry: several committees are
meeting right now to issue strongly
Gregory: I see - what else?
Kerry: we're allied with Japan
Gregory: should the US go to
war to defend Ukraine?
Kerry: no but the Russian President
had a fucking galleon
Gregory: that was pretty awesome
Kerry: no – it was a kleptocracy!
Gregory: but those cars were so cool
Kerry: why would Putin ally himself
with this corrupt jackass when he
could back off and still keep his
navy bases in Crimea
Gregory: look am I going to get to
cover a war from the safety
of Washington or not?
Kerry: don't be daft Fluffy
Gregory: well what will
you do then?
Kerry: Putin is in violation
of the Helsinki Act!
Gregory: you said this isn't about the
US vs Russia and yet conservatives
say Obama is a wimp
Kerry: you are an idiot
Gregory: but conservatives say Obama
didn't override Republican objections and
bomb Syria so Putin invaded Crimea
Kerry: Hey Fluffy maybe you missed
it but Obama got Putin's pet dictator
kicked out of Ukraine and he fled
with his tail between his legs
Gregory: maybe but now Putin
is pushing us around
Kerry: hell by the time Obama is done
kicking Putin's ass the ruble will be
worth less than a bitcoin
Gregory: isn't it true you support US
action in Syria to train fighters there
who don't know how to fire a gun?
Kerry: Russia claims they are worried
about Syrians but they support the
murderous dictator there
Gregory: Marco Rubio says we
are not friends with Russia anymore
Kerry: who cares what that child thinks?
Gregory: is this a moment of truth for Bibi?
Kerry: he's been courageous –
the Palestinians also need to step up too
Gregory: thanks for coming
Gregory: Marco Rubio how do you
answer the charge that Obama is
weak and a wimp and basically terrible?
Rubio: I must reluctantly admit
Obama is another Neville Chamberlain
Gregory: Bush looked into Putin's soul
and then Putin invaded Georgia
and Bush did nothing
Rubio: Russia lied!
Gregory: oh my
Rubio: Russia is a government of liars!
Gregory: please continue
Rubio: Russians are all liars!
Gregory: what if a Russian
said 'I am a liar'
Rubio: Fluffy you just blew my mind
Gregory: I ask you for blunt talk
– is Russia an enemy of America?
Rubio: they are an enemy of the
US with regard to US national interests
Gregory: but don't you think
Obama is a terrible weak wimp?
Rubio: we must be tough and not weak
Gregory: I see
Rubio: we must strengthen Kiev
Gregory: should the US bomb Russia?
Rubio: are you insane Fluffy?
Gregory: just answer the
Rubio: we should build a
missile defense shield
Gregory: please bash Obama
Rubio: we must say we are
on the side of the students
marching in the streets
Gregory: should students be
allowed to vote?
Rubio: yes but only in
Venezuela and not here
Gregory: isn't religious freedom
being trampled under Obama?
Rubio: imagine if you were a wedding
photographer who hates gay people!
Gregory: that's a tough one
Rubio: look I don't hate gay
people but I worry about florists
who hate homosexuals
Gregory: can you run for President
even though you don't hate immigrants?
Rubio: I am sorry about that but if
we don't pass reform we'll never win again
Gregory: will you run for President in 2016?
Rubio: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: thanks for coming
Gregory: this is about Obama's
leadership pure and simple!
Gregory: Ukraine is about
whether Obama is a real man!
Todd: so true!
Gregory: I love it
Todd: Obama could be
tougher but he is a wimp!
Todd: Obama must act!
Gregory: Bush was tough
but maybe he was too tough
Brown: Putin outfoxes
Obama all the time
Gregory: ha ha
Parker: Ukraine is really
about Obama vs Putin
Parker: we must be tough!
Gregory: Obama must act but
if he does he will be overreacting!
Rawlings-Blake: what the hell
are you talking about?
Parker: because Obama must talk tough!
Rawlings-Blake: then what?
Goldberg: I asked Obama if not
bombing Syria emboldened Iran
and he said they fear me
Gregory: but Obama is weak!
Goldberg: he says Iran
buckled under his manliness
Gregory: but Putin attacked Crimea
Goldberg: the White House sees
a weak Putin panicking under
Obama's massive swinging power
Gregory: are the culture wars back?
Todd: Democrats hope so – it helps them
Gregory: the GOP wants to ignore
gays and talk about Obamacare
Parker: those mean Democrats
just want to talk about abortion
Brown: Jan Brewer told the zealots to stuff it
Parker: I don't get how could you
defend discrimination except
for forbidding marriage
to the wrong people
Blake: I just want to say
Baltimore is open for gays
Gregory: I am in love with Rand Paul
Todd: we all know that David
Gregory: he told the party not to
call Obama a subhuman mongrel
Todd: brave stance indeed
Gregory: but he did call Bill Clinton
a sexual predator ha ha ha
Goldberg: people once used
the Bible to defend segregation
Gregory: it's a good thing the
marriage at Cana was totally straight
[ break ]
Gregory: Jerry you had an epic
drought and now you have
way too much rain
Brown: we've got flooding but
we're still in the worst
drought since 1850
Brown: also we now have more
forest fires and mudslides
Gregory: sweet jesus
Brown: you turned California around
– what's the message?
Gregory: fiscal responsibility and
getting rid of Republicans
blocking sensible laws
Gregory: so you're saying
Obama is a bad President?
Brown: no Fluffy
Gregory: you used to be 'Governor
Moonbeam' and now you're respected
Brown: I'm older and wiser but
just as energetic and ambitious
Gregory: are the culture wars
back – please say yes
Brown: the wars against gays
and immigrants are over and we won
Gregory: what about marijuana?
Brown: a few hits a day is okay
Gregory: I mean should it be legal
Brown: we can legalize it but
not as much as the potheads want
Gregory: I guess not LOL
Brown: I mean you can't have
a great state if everyone is stoned
Gregory: can anyone stop Hillary Clinton?
Gregory: Chuck that guy is hilarious
Todd: you can't have everyone
stoned when Russia invades Crimea!
[ break ]
Smith: you wrote the screenplay
for “12 Years a Slave”
Ridley: Solomon Northrup's writing was phenomenal
Smith: you learned a lot reading his book
Ridley: you learn how
brutal slavery really was
Smith: but Tavis Smiley is frustrated
because the wasn't about the present day
Ridley: I hope people will be moved
to think about what's going on in
the rest of the world today
Gregory: panel does '12 Years'
win the Oscar?
Brown: they said 'Lincoln'
would win last year
Todd: American Hustle was
based on Abscam!
Gregory: and that's another