Sunday, March 09, 2014

Meet The Press – March 9, 2014

Tom Costello
Tony Blinken (Deputy National Security Advisor)
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Cardinal Dolan
Rep. Karen Bass (D-CA)
Andrea Mitchell
Ralph Reed
Ron Fournier
Dr. Nancy Snyderman

Gregory: Tom what's up with the
Malaysian plane crash?

Costello: the FBI is investigating every
passenger for terrorist connections

Gregory: wow

Costello: there were three
Americans on board

Gregory: oh no!

Costello: we have no idea what
happened or where the plane is

Gregory: could this be terrorism?
please say yes

Blinken: the FBI is on this David

Gregory: but the stolen passports!

Blinken: that could be anything

Gregory: how come Obama can't
tell Vladimir Putin what to do?

Blinken: maybe because Putin
is the leader of another country

Gregory: that's a poor excuse

Blinken: well it's true Fluffy

Gregory: but all world leaders
should do whatever the American
President tells them to do

Blinken: that's crazy

Gregory: he's not listening!

Blinken: neither are you

Gregory: Putin is not heeding us!

Blinken: Putin is the leader of
Russia – not Obama's child

Gregory: that's different –
my kids never do what I
tell them to do

Blinken: tell me about it

Gregory: Russia is threatening
not to inspect nuclear weapons

Blinken: that would be nuts

Gregory: what if Russia annexes Crimea?

Blinken: that would be a
bullshit move Fluffy

Gregory: but would we attack?

Blinken: Putin is terrified that
Obama was taking Ukraine
away from him – he's weak

Gregory: no Obama is weak!

Blinken: I reject that Greggers

Gregory: well are you going
to start a war or not?

Blinken: no we're not stupid

Gregory: well then you suck

Blinken: Obama is leading an international
effort to solve this so everyone wins

Gregory: that's just boring

[ break ]

Gregory: Peter King how can
we stop Putin in his tracks?

King: we need to seize the assets of oligarchs 
and have tough ironclad sanctions

Gregory: what about giving
away lots of natural gas?

King: good idea - America has an
endless supply of hot gas

Gregory: I know you well –
you must think the Malaysia
plane crash is terrorism

King: it's almost certainly terrorism

Gregory: I knew it!

King: Malaysia is a hotbed of Al-Qaeda

Gregory: that's so scary

King: it's terrifying

Gregory: when I first heard about
this I asked myself why didn't
the passport machine go ping

King: who the hell knows what
goes on in a place like Malaysia

Gregory: you used to hate Rand
Paul's guts but now everyone loves him

King: not me – he's a total nut!

Gregory: do tell

King: he bashes America
as a imperial power!

Gregory: go on

King: he's like the isolationist
nazi-appeasing Charles Lindbergh

Gregory: thanks for coming Pete

[ break ]

Gregory: your eminence thank you 
for inviting me into your lavish home

Dolan: welcome David

Gregory: the Pope is a rock star

Dolan: he knows how to use
audio visual aides

Gregory: he's stirring the masses
with confusing questions

Dolan: he's shrewd – he makes you think

Gregory: but political conservatives
are upset that the Pope doesn't
hate gay people enough

Dolan: I think political conservatives like him

Gregory: well clearly I know political
conservatives better than you do

Dolan: 'Pontiff' is Latin for 'bridge builder'

Gregory: 'Christie' is Greek for bridge shutdowner

Dolan: good one Fluffy

Gregory: the Pope is changing the
church with women and gays
and divorce and all that terrible stuff

Dolan: the Pope wants people
to think for themselves

Gregory: aha he does hate conservatives

Dolan: heh

Gregory: what about gay civil unions?

Dolan: the Pope just said lets
not hate gay people

Gregory: do you support gay civil unions?

Dolan: not just as a Catholic – 
as a citizen I believe gay people hurt America

Gregory: the church covered up
child molesting for years –
should the church do more?

Dolan: sure there was a coverup but
why is the Church singled out for criticism?

Gregory: will the Pope meet with victims?

Dolan: I bet he does – 
 even Benedict and I both did

Gregory: Rush Limbaugh  
called the Pope a marxist

Dolan: I don't put too much
stock in what the idiot says

Gregory: I like him

Dolan: we're concerned about
communism and unfettered capitalism

Gregory: but we don't have an
income inequality problem we
just need to cut taxes and create jobs

Dolan: I'm not an economist Fluffy

Gregory: should the government force
people to bake a cake for gay people?

Dolan: no because freedom of religion

Gregory: we may have a gay NFL
football player – does that offend you?

Dolan: god bless him –
you're gay!
bravo I say!
you're gay!
and that's okay
bravo I say!

Gregory: you think the Church
is being out-marketed

Dolan: the goal of the Church is
to sell the bad news – that your behavior
is sending you straight to hell

Gregory: because of sex

Dolan: also rich people can't get into heaven

Gregory: [ spit take ] what!?!

Dolan: see – no wonder people hate us

Gregory: I see your point

Dolan: we have to be less shrill
and more like a loving nagging mother

Gregory: what must the Pope
do to save the Church?

Dolan: Three words:
Intrigue. Mystery. Romance.

Gregory: I love it

[ break ]

Gregory: panel CPAC was this week 
and it's so much fun - its the 
Oscars of crazy politicians

Reed: the activists want a real
conservative – not some lobbyist sellout

Gregory: good insight Ralph

Reed: Beltway types don't want
talk about how abortion is murder

Fournier: I am very interested
in expanding the GOP

Bass: they're turning everyone off

Mitchell: Rand Paul is the only
one reaching out to kids under 60

Gregory: brilliant

Mitchell: Jeb Bush can save the party!

Fournier: millennials hate Obama
for inventing spying

Reed: millennials want to ban abortion

Fournier: really?

Reed: the GOP has to be like Pope Francis 
– say they care about the poor

Gregory: interesting

Bass: look at Republican budgets
they seem to hate poor people

Gregory: no Karen they hate big government

Reed: no fair – the GOP wants to
cut taxes for poor people

Gregory: is Chris Christie finished?

Fournier: his selling point was
that he was a good manager
and bipartisan and that's been tarnished

Gregory: right

Fournier: but once the media catches you
being corrupt conservatives love you

Gregory: [ laughing ] how does
America make Putin stop!

Mitchell: Obama can't!

Gregory: so weak!

Mitchell: Germany won't even
help us go after Putin!

Gregory: is Obama playing this right?

Bass: he is a strong leader

Fournier: Obama and Bush
were naive about Putin

Gregory: right

Fournier: the NSA and CIA
should spy more and spy less

Gregory: LOL

Gregory: Nancy you're in Lebanon
in a camp for refugees from Syria

Snyderman: this is a major health crisis

Gregory: okay back to our roundtable
which is live tweeting during the show!

Gregory: Congresswoman is
John McCain right about Syria?

Bass: if it was up to John McCain
we'd have troops on the ground
in about 15 countries

Gregory: Ralph you tweeted that
Putin is laughing at America?

Reed: I admit Obama has no
good choices but he must
project strength which will solve everything

Mitchell: Businesses don't want
to isolate Russia – it's outrageous

Gregory: I tweeted that the Pope
changed the judgmental tone of the Church

Fournier: the GOP should try that

Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Winken, Blinken, and NTodd?