Guests:
Correspondents:
David
Kerley
Pierre
Thomas
Steve
Ganyard
Alex
Marquandt
Bianna
Golodryga
Rep.
Peter King (R-NY)
Sen.
Chris Murphy (D-CT)
Bill
Gates
Stephanopoulos:
for fuck's
sake
where is that missing plane
Kerley:
George at this point
we
have narrowed it down to Asia
Stephanopoulos:
that should help
Kerley:
or also the entire Pacific Ocean
Stephanopoulos:
gotta be thorough
Kerley:
experts now believe someone
probably
deliberately flew the plane off course
Stephanopoulos:
damn
Kerley:
also the plane flew six hours
either
toward Europe or the Indian
Ocean
or possibly Australia
Stephanopoulos:
sounds like they've
got
all the bases covered
Kerley:
the plane definitely either
crashed
or landed in secret
Stephanopoulos:
thanks for the update
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
Pierre what's up
with
the criminal investigation?
Thomas:
they searched the pilot's
Flight
Simulator and also his Madden Football
Stephanopoulos:
excellent
Expert:
we need to know did anyone
on
board know how to fly a plane?
FBI:
were they involved in athletics?
Reporter:
maybe a passenger
took
over the plane
Stephanopoulos:
so many possibilities
Reporter:
pilots have been blamed before
Stephanopoulos:
has the
second-guessing begun?
Thomas:
of course – the FBI should have
taken
over from Malaysian authorities earlier
which
would have solved everything
King:
why weren't the pilots smeared earlier?
Stephanopoulos:
good question
King:
also why wasn't the FBI brought
in
to this Malaysian investigation??
Stephanopoulos:
good question Pete
King:
there were Iranians on board!
Stephanopoulos:
so?
King:
it creates a terrorist atmosphere
Ganyard:
the search area is
five
million square miles –
we
will never find this plane
Stephanopoulos:
could it have landed?
Ganyard:
not a chance George
Stephanopoulos:
have we ruled out
a
mechanical failure?
Ganyard:
this was no accident George
Stephanopoulos:
what about
bringing
in the FBI?
King:
Malaysia for whatever reason
is
resisting that
Stephanopoulos:
gosh I can't imagine why
Stephanopoulos:
what about a hijacker?
Ganyard:
if it was a hijacker
it
was someone who knew exactly
what
they were doing
Stephanopoulos:
but could a hijacker
really
do this and no one know?
Ganyard:
it was probably one of the pilots
King:
based on my knowledge of flight I agree!
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
what's going in Ukraine?
Marquandt:
Crimean Russian-speakers
are
going to vote to join Russia –
not
that they have much choice
Stephanopoulos:
wow
Marquandt:
America says the
vote
is illegitimate
Stephanopoulos:
will Russia invade
eastern Ukraine?
Marquandt:
they might
Stephanopoulos:
sweet jesus
Marquandt:
it's potentially explosive
Stephanopoulos:
yikes
Golodryga:
Ukraine's foreign minister
told
me Russia might launch an offensive
Minister:
Russia could attack!
Golodryga:
could you fight Russia
if you had to?
Minister:
no – but we have great fighting spirit!
Stephanopoulos:
what about a possible truce?
Golodryga:
it's too soon to tell
Stephanopoulos:
Senator you just
got
back from Ukraine
Murphy:
George this sham referendum
isn't
fooling anyone
Stephanopoulos:
it isn't?
Murphy:
Ukraine will not go down
without a fight!
Stephanopoulos:
will the US send
weapons
to Ukraine?
Murphy:
we're not there yet –
but
we can send packaged food
Stephanopoulos:
you really think that
will
prevent a Russian invasion?
Murphy:
it can't hurt
Stephanopoulos:
can we stop the
Crimea
referendum?
Murphy:
no – we need to worry about
Putin
seizing all of Ukraine
Stephanopoulos:
gosh
Murphy:
Ukraine will fight Putin!
Stephanopoulos:
so what can the U.S. do?
Murphy:
impose crippling sanctions!
Stephanopoulos:
would that work?
Murphy:
that depends on Angela Merkel
Stephanopoulos:
it's all on her
Murphy:
who knows –
Putin
may take Poland next
Stephanopoulos:
Germany wouldn't like that
Murphy:
I wouldn't think so George
Stephanopoulos:
welcome Bill Gates
Gates:
hi George – while you said
I
made a billion dollars
Stephanopoulos:
you love Common Core
Gates:
I am so fucking stoked
for Common Core
Stephanopoulos:
Obama and Republicans
back
common core but liberals
and
the tea party hate it
Gates:
it's not a federal takeover
Stephanopoulos:
that's not what
the
tea party says
Gates:
well they're idiots
Stephanopoulos:
teachers say the
Common
Core rollout was botched
Gates:
that's true but only because
so
many people are stupid
Stephanopoulos:
many kids failed the
test
and parents freaked out
Gates:
because these are high standards
and
their kids are dumb
Stephanopoulos:
so we can
catch up to China?
Gates:
no but we can try to run a close second
Stephanopoulos:
state are scrapping Common Core
Gates:
then I will buy those states –
how
much could South Dakota possible cost?
Stephanopoulos:
what will Common
Core
do for America?
Gates:
in ten years American kids
will
be a little less stupid
Stephanopoulos:
something to look forward to
Gates:
indeed
Stephanopoulos:
thanks for coming Bill
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