Sunday, September 02, 2012

Meet The Press - September 2, 2012

September 2, 2012
Guests:
Mayor Rahm Emmanuel (D-Chicago)
Newt Gingrich
Tom Brokaw
Doris Goodwin
Carly Fiorina
Tom Friedman
***************************

Gregory: good morning Rahm

Emmanuel: you too David

Gregory: with our bad economy isn’t
Mitt Romney the lesser of two evils?

Emmanuel: no because he would return
us to the policies that wrecked America
in the first place

Gregory: perhaps

Emmanuel: in Romney’s speech there
was no memorable lines or good ideas

Gregory: but that doesn’t mean
people should vote for Obama

Emmanuel: we’re adding jobs, fixing
the banking system and building
houses again

Gregory: Invisible Obama told Eastwood
to tell Romney to go screw himself

Emmanuel: we are only talking about
this old actor because Romney’s speech
was devoid of anything worth talking about

Gregory: yes but-

Emmanuel: shut up - I’m talking here Fluffy

Gregory: ok but you only want to talk
about Mitt Romney instead of how
terrible Romney thinks Obama is

Emmanuel: no shit stupid

Gregory: Mitt says he voted for Obama
and he’s very disappointed with that his
stocks have only doubled and paid 13% in taxes

Emmanuel: Romney wanted to cut taxes
for the rich, cut student loans, screw
underwater homeowners, and let
Detroit go bankrupt

Gregory: so you say but-

Emmanuel: zip it David - Romney only
cares about rich people

Gregory: a lot of people hate Obama

Emmanuel: hey Fluffy General Motors
is alive and Osama bin Laden is dead

Gregory: it’s not a binary choice
between Obama and Romney

Emmanuel: yes it is you dimwit
[ punches Gregory in the face ]

Gregory: stop hitting me

Emmanuel: we were shedding jobs when
Obama was sworn in and we’ve added
millions of jobs

Gregory: Newt Gingrich says Obama
waived the welfare work rules

Emmanuel: Republican Governors asked
for more flexibility and now those fuckers
are lying about it

Gregory: I’ve heard that

Emmanuel: State Senator Obama
reformed welfare in Illinois

Gregory: what is the plan for the
Democratic convention?

Emmanuel: four words: middle class

Gregory: what are the other two?

Emmanuel: fuck you

Gregory: there’s a wave of violence in Chicago

Emmanuel: shootings are down in
the last few hours

Gregory: ok

Emmanuel: normal people shouldn’t
worry since it’s all gang-on-gang violence

Gregory: but what’s the solution?

Emmanuel: If I have to I will start
shooting people myself

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Newt what happened
at the Convention

Gingrich: Republicans will make
lazy people work

Brokaw: Even the Wall Street Journal
thought Romney blew it

Gregory: uh huh

Brokaw: if I may quote Cuba Gooding junior
in Jerry Maguire ‘you complete me’

Fiorina: the Wall Street Journal is
a commie rag

Gregory: amazing

Fiorina: Romney would create 1 million
jobs by building a giant pipeline to transport
Canadian oil across America to sell around the world

Friedman: Romney was very specific
- but his math doesn’t add up

Gregory: Tom what do the American
people really want?

Friedman: to suffer

Gregory: Is Romney likable?

Goodwin: they humanized Romney but
people don’t think Mitt can relate to their
problems - Lincoln was a depressive weirdo
but most people in the 19th century were like that

Gregory: Clint Eastwood yelled at
an empty chair

Brokaw: screaming scatalogical
obscenities about the President was
a little bit of a problem

Gingrich: it was a disaster - if I’d
been the nominee this would never
have happened

Gregory: how would you have done it

Gingrich: I would have closed the show
with 100 poor kids happily sweeping the
floor like in “Newsies”

Gregory: what happened to Obama’s
hope and change?

Friedman: Obama never made the case
to Americans by bringing out Warren Buffet
to talk to the people about how awesome
it is to be rich

Gregory: Newt on inauguration night you
pledged to oppose everything Obama did

Gingrich: Obama got everything he wanted!

Fiorina: Newt will you marry me

Gingrich: give me six months Carly

Fiorina: Obama controlled the Congress
for two years and he failed to prevent
the Tea Party from wrecking our credit rating

Brokaw: I noticed that Paul Ryan lied
shamelessly in his speech

Fiorina: you lie Tom!

Friedman: No GOP official talked about
the surplus they turned into a deficit,
unpaid-for wars, drug benefits, and
endless tax cuts

Goodwin: Neil Armstrong went to the
moon with government money -
Obama should aggressively defend
government spending

Gingrich: I’m kind of a big deal

Gregory: well all know that Newt

Gingrich: Mika Brezinski and Joe Scarborough humiliated themselves at my ridiculously
named Newt Gingrich University

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: America is making millions
drilling in North Dakota!

Gregory: so Obama hasn’t stopped
drilling after all?

Gingrich: yes but Mitt Romney would drill
in Cleveland, Hawaii and the National Mall

Fiorina: imagine oil derricks in front of the
Lincoln Memorial - what a beautiful
sight that would be

Goodwin: [ palmface ]

Gregory: the GOP  is trying to address
the gender gap

Todd: Obama needs a big gap among
women - and he’s got it

Gregory: women vote - who knew?

Todd: Virginia is for Lovers Who
Love Ultrasounds

Fiorina: I was very impressed and
jealous of the women stars at the
Republican convention

Gregory: I can see that

Fiorina: Democrats belittle women by
assuming they care about their individual rights

Gregory: nice try Carly

Goodwin: Eleanor Roosevelt never
even mentioned FDR’s polio at her
convention speech

Gingrich: I suspect he was never
handicapped - he was probably just
another lazy Democrat

Gregory: Ann Romney told us to vote
for her selfless husband dammit

Brokaw: This is the Century of Women

Goodwin: one out 100 isn’t bad

Brokaw: the GOP loves mothers but
do they really respect women?

Fiorina: every rational person condemned
Todd Akin’s despicable remarks about
rape and called on him to drop out

Gingrich: not me

Fiorina: oh no here we go

Gingrich: Todd Akin sort-of apologized
but Obama wants to murder children!

Friedman: Fluffy I would like to thank you
for making the rest of us normal by
inviting this crazy person

Gregory: My pleasure Mustache man

Gingrich: Joe Biden is a racist who
wants to put black people in chains

Gregory: Romney also used the
chains metaphor

Gingrich: yes but Romney never talks to
black people so he can’t be a racist

Gregory: getting back to Akin - you
don’t think he should drop out
of the race?

Gingrich: of course not - Akin won
the primary therefore he’s just
like Marco Rubio!

Brokaw: whoa - you agree with Todd Akin?

Gingrich: I am just saying that Democrats
murder babies

Fiorina: Stop! Stop it! Stop talking!
Women don’t care about abortion!

Gingrich: the media are biased - they
only talk about how I called black people
lazy instead of reporting on the Democrats
plan to let the U.N. enslave Americans
and put them to work in abortion factories!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

*******************************************
Bonus!
Sunday Talk Shows: The Most Ridiculous Moment
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking/2012/09/03/culture-of-truth-newt

4 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

fixing the banking system

Only for definitions of "fixing" that consist of protecting and throwing money at the criminals.
~

RepubAnon said...

Perhaps the word "fix" was used as in "putting in the fix" on a gambling event. Example: the system of ensuring that the corporation seeking to foreclose on your home has the legal right to do so has been "fixed" by laws making this a conclusive presumption.

Anonymous said...

Genius.

Bukko Canukko said...

Dicky Greggers gets punhed in the fac e a lot in these interviews, doesn't he? Man, I wish he'd interview me just so's I could...