Sunday, September 16, 2012

Meet The Press - September 16, 2012

Amb. Susan Rice (U.N. Mission)
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (Israel)
Keith Ellison
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Bob Woodward
Jeffrey Goldberg
Andrea Mitchell

Gregory: good morning - things are
calm in the middle east now but the
U.S. is evacuating all our embassies
just to be sure

Rice: we were going to skip New Zealand
until those hobbits started getting restless

Gregory: how long until I can take a
summer vacation in Yemen?

Rice: look this kind of thing is to be
expected whenever a provocative video
is put up on YouTube

Gregory: just like the Piano Cat riots of 2007

Rice: exactly Dave

Gregory: was it all spontaneous or was
the attack the preplanned act of terrorists?

Rice: it was initially a spontaneous copycat
protest but then joined by guys with
heavy weapons which of course everyone has

Gregory: if everyone has machine guns
and rocket launchers why did you not
protect the embassy better

Rice: hey we have Navy SEALS posted to
the embassy in Libya - you may have
heard those guys are very badass

Gregory: why are we giving billions in
foreign aid to countries where our
ambassadors get killed

Rice: this has been going for 30 years

Gregory: that makes it worse!

Rice: we give this money because
it serves U.S. interests

Gregory: but our Ambassador is dead -
how is that in America’s interest?

Rice: yes but we bought condemnation
from the government

Gregory: in English maybe but in
Arabic they encouraged more protests

Rice: look we believe in supporting
democracy that we bought and pay for

Gregory: Romney said the U.S.
sympathized with the violent protestors

Rice: I can’t believe that asshole took
advantage of an Ambassador’s death
to try to score cheap political points

Gregory: he also says that
Obama is weak on radicals

Rice: yes - when I walk around the
U.N. cafeteria the other countries
say ‘ooh there goes that weak Susan Rice’
and then I whip out my iPhone tell
Obama to drop a bomb on their house

Gregory: Bibi says we have to
attack Iran right now

Rice: he’s always on about something

Gregory: so when do we attack?

Rice: we are mounting extreme pressure
on Iran - their economy is even shrinking!

Gregory: how did you manage that?

Rice: we sent top Wall Street banking
executives to advise them

Gregory: that was underhanded

Rice: Obama has united the
world against Iran

Gregory: sweet

Rice: but Obama is not going to dance
to Bibi’s tune - let’s get that straight

Gregory: and here comes Honey Bibi

Netanyahu: yo Fluffy

Gregory: you seem very anxious to attack Iran

Netanyahu: darn right I am

Gregory: is Obama stopping you
from bombing Iran

Netanyahu: no he isn’t and he won’t
- we’re going to attack any day now

Gregory: I’m jonesing for a war

Netanyahu: imagine these protesting
fanatics with a nuclear bomb

Gregory: bash Obama for me

Netanyahu: Obama said he wants to
stop Iran from getting a bomb therefore
you must attack them before they
get one - not after

Gregory: I hear you

Netanyahu: this is like the Cuban Missile Crisis
and that made a great book and
a pretty good movie

Gregory: when will you attack Iran

Netanyahu: they are in the red zone
and may score a touchdown

Gregory: good because I have
Ahmedinejad on my fantasy war team

Netanyahu: bad choice Fluffnuts

Gregory: will you attack soon

Netanyahu: if we threaten them enough
then we don’t have to  fight

Gregory: that’s very Karate Kid

Netanyahu: wax on Fluffy

Gregory: please say Romney
would be better for Israel

Netanyahu: you just did it for me Greggers

Gregory: now it’s your turn

Netanyahu: I talked with Obama the
other day and he said watch out for
that David Gregory he’s gonna ask you
tough questions like ‘how do you feel’

Gregory: I spoke with President Romney
the other day and he is very awesome

Netanyahu: well I knew him at Bain Capital
and he was kind of a dick

Gregory: what about containment for
Iran like we did the Soviet Union

Netanyahu: that wouldn’t work because
Iran is not trustworthy and rational
like Josef Stalin was

Gregory: if you say so

Netanyahu: if you don’t want start a
war with a large populous mountainous
country with oil and access to the Gulf
you have set new level for stupidity

Gregory: do you agree with Mitt Romney
that Obama hates Israel

Netanyahu: since Obama is leading
in the polls I must say no

Gregory: you just threw Mitt under the bus!

Netanyahu: I don’t want to interfere
with the election

Gregory: but you are the leader of
the Jewish people - American Jews
must have your answer sir

Netanyahu: here’s a shekel -
get a clue Greggers

Gregory: so is Obama an anti-semite
or is Mitt Romney lying?

Netanyahu: I don’t care which it
is as long as we attack Iran

Gregory: what’s the deal with all
these the protests in the middle east?

Netanyahu: that movie was reprehensible

Gregory: ooh you hate the first Amendment

Netanyahu: but radical Muslims are
also against women, free speech,
Americans and Israel

Gregory: that’s not good

Netanyahu: I’m not a Jew - I’m you!

Gregory: would you like to meet
with President Obama

Netanyahu: it’s ok he texts me all the
time and we play Wars with Friends

Gregory: you mean Words With Friends

Netanyahu: no I don’t David

Gregory: oh boy

[ break ]

Gregory: Dick Cheney’s daughter says
we’re not feared enough around the
world and that’s why we’re attacked

Goldberg: like when we were attacked
when her dad was Vice President

Gregory: snap

Goldberg: look President Obama does
not control how radicals view modernity

King: I don’t care what the fact-checkers say
- Obama went around the world apologizing
for America and then ruined our wonderful
wars in Afghanistan and Iraq

Ellison: those are all ridiculous lies

Gregory: maybe so but Obama didn’t
promote the Arab Spring and Winter is coming

Mitchell: every Republican foreign policy
expert says Romney embarrassed himself
with his idiotic statements

King: that’s not fair - Romney didn’t know
any of the facts when he spoke out while
our embassies were being attacked

Gregory: I’m convinced

Woodward: no American President can
control every mob all over the world

Goldberg: forget the angry Arab street -
what about the angry American street

Ellison: many Arabs love America

King: if we just kill enough people
around the world no mob will ever
attack our embassies again

Gregory: that makes perfect sense

King: the bombings will stop
when morale improves

Mitchell: you are very correct Peter King

Gregory: so true

Mitchell: the Egyptian President wants
money from Wall Street

Gregory: does the leader of the
Muslim Brotherhood really want to be
seen with people like that?

Goldberg: we know Muslims oppose
blasphemy but Americans support free speech

Gregory: who is tougher on Iran -
Romney or Obama?

Mitchell: Obama is a loaded gun
but Mitt is a loose canon

Woodward: Government Intelligence
is highly misnamed

Gregory: should Bibi interfere with our election?

Goldberg: Bibi is completely botching
this relationship

King: maybe but Obama is an
untrustworthy Israel hater

Goldberg: that’s stupid

King: When he visited the White House
Obama made Bibi sit at the kid’s table!

Ellison: Bibi said he and Obama have
a good relationship

King: you can’t trust that guy

Gregory: and that’s another
episode of Meet The Press
Virtually Speaking Sunday
Tonight 9:00 p.m. Eastern time
An alternative to the Sunday morning 'news' shows, two members of our media panel discuss current political and cultural developments from a progressive perspective.
Avedon Carol and Gaius Publius, plus Culture of Truth's Most Ridiculous Moment from that Sunday.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Great one, CoT.

Fineman said...

You pretty well got Gregory pegged. He was eagerly pushing all of Romney's talking points today and could hardly contain his enthusiasm for a war with Iran. Gregory was relentless in his effort to portray Obama as anti-Israel and bait Be Be into agreeing with him after Gregory proclaimed him to be the spokesman for all Jews. Gregory...What a dick.

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