Gov. Martin O’Malley (D-MD)
Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-VA)
Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN)
Rev. Al Sharpton
Gregory: good morning - Mitt Romney
won in Wyoming and Guam with a
big win for Rick Santorum in Kansas
but he lost the Virgin Islands
Audience: how did that happen
Gregory: good morning Rick -
why is Newt Gingrich still running?
Santorum: because he’s an egomaniac
Gregory: would you like him to get out
Santorum: yes but you can’t push
Gregory: isn’t this race over?
Santorum: I’m up 30 points in Texas!
Santorum: I’m going to take most of
the delegates in Iowa
Gregory: didn’t we do that months ago?
Santorum: yes but it takes Iowans six
weeks to figure out who won
Gregory: I see
Gregory: Mitt Romney is winning
all the battlegrounds
Santorum: not Gettysburg
Gregory: fair enough
Santorum: the delegates are unbound!
Gregory: sounds kinky
Santorum: we’re crawling our way back
Gregory: so just tell Gingrich to get out!
Santorum: you put it well
Gregory: Obama’s economic growth
has breadth and brawn!
Santorum: Obama has failed to build the
keystone pipeline which will bring
down gas prices in 2065!
Santorum: we must drill offshore
and in national parks
Gregory: so how do you win this election?
Santorum: gas prices are high!
Gregory: I see
Santorum: I will repeal every
regulation in America!
Santorum: growth has been very
good under this President
Santorum: but Obamacare is bad!
Gregory: American has never
had a coherent energy policy
Santorum: those radical environmentalists
don’t care about the environment -
they just worship rocks!
Gregory: Frothy aren’t you a big
government earmarking spender?
Santorum: no Fluffy I hate spending -
I just keep voting for it
Gregory: you voted for the prescription drug giveaway
Santorum: yes but that funneled money
to the private sector so it’s okay
Santorum: Romney is for requiring man dates!
Gregory: good lord
Santorum: Mitt Romney lied on Meet The Press
Gregory: I’m shocked
Santorum: the biggest issue in 2012
will be Obamacare and Mitt Romney supported it!
Gregory: go on Rick
Santorum: First the climate changed
and then Mitt Romney changed!
Santorum: I’m Rick Santorum and I never change!
Gregory: did your wife tell you to stop
attacking John F. Kennedy
Santorum: my wife is a nurse and a lawyer
and when I said going to college makes you
a big snob she told me “Rick I love you but
for the love of god shut the fuck up”
Gregory: did she tell you not to run for President?
Santorum: no actually she encouraged
me to get out of the house for a year or so
Gregory: that makes sense
Santorum: I have a small child with medical
needs and I had to prevent kids like her
from being murdered by government-provided
Gregory: thanks for coming Rickster
[ break ]
Gregory: apparently a US soldier shot
civilians in Afghanistan
McDonnell: yeah it’s too bad but I love the military
O’Malley: we need a calm President who
will get us the hell out of Afghanistan
Gregory: 700,000 jobs have been created
in the last year
O’Malley: 24 months of job growth isn’t
too shabby Fluffy
McDonnell: Obama caused the
recession in 2007
Gregory: I see
McDonnell: also the debt is very high -
remember how we defeated Ronald Reagan
and George W. Bush over the debt?
Gregory: No I don’t
O’Malley: guess what - banning contraception
isn’t going to create jobs
McDonnell: the Republican party created
all the new jobs under Obama!
Gregory: unemployment is going down
McDonnell: Mitt Romney ran the Olympics!
Gregory: you backed a law to require
women to have a trans-vaginal ultrasound
McDonnell: why don’t you talk about
all the laws I passed that didn’t require
an invasive bodily procedure?
McDonnell: the Democrats are obsessed
with passing abortion bills
Gregory: the Democrats forced you to
enact a law with unprecedented intrusion
into the human body?
McDonnell: yes because they love
to raise taxes!
O’Malley: rolling back unions, voting rights
and reproductive rights are not going
to create jobs Bob
Gregory: you like to be Vice President?
McDonnell: jobs spending and taxes!
Gregory: ok Bob
[ break ]
Gregory: Can Romney win among humans
and can Santorum win among sane people?
Noonan: Romney is going to win because
we have seen in iPad era that people fall
in love with their machines
Blackburn: conservatives want someone
who will listen to their whining
Sharpton: their real question as this primary
goes is how many more people
can these guys alienate?
Dionne: Romney is weak among Christians
and tea partiers but his real problem is that
he looks like an out of touch rich guy
Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh -
whatever happened to civility?
Sharpton: we need to be mature in our
Blackburn: the American people are so
ticked off by incivility they are going directly
to the Internet for their news and expect
politicians to respect their total misinformation
Gregory: Obama seems to bring out hatred
- I wonder why?
Noonan: the rise of the radio and the Internet
seems to give rise to a war on women -
why won’t Obama speak out?
Dionne: Limbaugh is evil - but normal
people can get along
Blackburn: it’s like when you fight with
your weird relatives at Thanksgiving
but you still get along
Sharpton: I came together with Newt Gingrich
on education - Newt Food Stamps Gingrich!
Noonan: I’m going to go out on a limb
and say using terms like slut and whore
Gregory: what else do I need to know?
Sharpton: why take away the vote from
millions of people over voter fraud which
is totally fake?
Blackburn: the primary will be won
on Jobs and Terror
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press