Sunday, October 16, 2011

Meet The Press with Herman Cain - October 16, 2011

Herman Cain
Tim Pawlenty
Bobby Jindal (R-La)
Chuck Todd
Katty Kay
Gregory: Holy crap - Herman Cain is
leading for the GOP nomination

Audience: cripes

Gregory: who the fuck is this guy?

Cain: I’m sitting right here

Gregory: Hi - Herman you would raise
taxes on poor people and the middle class
and cut them for the rich

Cain: no because we will get rid of all
invisible taxes!

Gregory: oh my

Cain: companies will pay lower taxes and
pass those savings on to consumers

Gregory: would the middle class pay
more in taxes?

Cain: yes but more people would pay
less in taxes

Gregory: who would pay more in taxes?

Cain: people who buy things

Gregory: what about the elderly?

Cain: oh they would do very well

Gregory: why is that

Cain: they would pay no taxes on
their vast investments and complex
portfolio holdings

Gregory: under your plan people would
pay incredibly high state and federal sales taxes

Cain: that’s only true if you combine
state and sales taxes

Gregory: well I do combine them!

Cain: well don’t do that!

Gregory: that makes no sense!

Cain: you’re muddying the waters!

Gregory: Grover Norquist says you’re
creating new taxes

Cain: Who cares!

Gregory: How do you get this insanity
enacted into law?

Cain: the people will demand it!

Gregory: I find that hard to believe

Cain: talk to voters - they want 9-9-9!!

Gregory: you think there will be national
movement demanding lower taxes for the rich
and higher taxes on the middle class

Cain: Yes!

Gregory: What do you think of Occupy Wall Street?

Cain: Barack Obama caused the recession in 2007!

Gregory: you said liberals want to destroy America

Cain: yes by causing the recession
four years ago

Gregory: you think they did that on purpose?

Cain: yes because liberals want America to be weak!

Gregory: that’s an incredible claim

Cain: Fluffy why else would they go to the
trouble of building a time machine to go and
back to 2001 and make Bush look like a disaster?!!?

Gregory: you say stupid people are ruining America

Cain: yes - people are too much quick to insult
and vilify the other side!

Gregory: you don’t like to be called African-American

Cain: right - I’m not from Africa like some
Presidents I could mention

Gregory: you say your experience is
different from Obama

Cain: yes I'm really black and he made pizza
and he was rich and coddled and he’s part white

Gregory: Are we at war with Iran?

Cain: How should I know?

Gregory: what would you do about Iran
if you were President?

Cain: I would definitely consult other people

Gregory: like who?

Cain: John Bolton and Henry Kissinger

Gregory: Why those two

Cain: I do believe in diversity so I want to
hear from war criminals in all administrations

Gregory: are you a NeoCon?

Cain: that depends on what is a NeoCon?

Gregory: Should we have invaded Iraq?

Cain: yes because we prevented Iran from
attacking our land in Iraq

Gregory: how do you define victory
in Afghanistan?

Cain: our invasion of Afghanistan will be
victory when they can defend themselves
from invasion other countries

Gregory: what is your foreign policy philosophy?

Cain: I’m like Reagan I would be very clear
about putting troops in Lebanon until
I leave in a hurry

Gregory: you would not rely on Wise Men?

Cain: I might!

Gregory: you wrote in your book
"I will not rely on Wise Men"

Cain: In my defense a Wise Man wrote that for me

Gregory: you wrote we need an electrified fence
that will kill people

Cain: that was joke - get a sense of humor!

Gregory: what is your plan for illegal immigration

Cain: Shooting people!

Gregory: How about gay marriage

Cain: I don’t like gay people but people
in Vermont can do whatever the hell they want

Gregory: and abortion?

Cain: no abortions for anyone!

Gregory: not even for rape or incest?

Cain: of course not

Gregory: who’s your favorite Justice?

Cain: Clarence Thomas - he’s quietly brilliant

Gregory: where’s your wife?

Cain: protecting our traditional marriage Fluffy

Gregory: are you the front runner?

Cain: yes because people love my substantive
ideas like higher taxes for the middle class,
cutting social security and putting John Bolton
in charge of our foreign relations

Gregory: do you have enough money?

Cain: if you contribute $9.99 now you get a
bumper sticker in 30 minutes or less

Gregory: thanks for coming Herman

[ break ]

Gregory: Is Herman Cain real?

Todd: if he’s raising a million dollars a
week that’s amazing

Gregory: can he win?

Todd: he’s got a great elevator pitch
but no organization

Kay: I just watched your interview and I
can’t tell what the hell he’s talking about

Gregory: What about Mitt Romney?

Todd: he only has one problem -
no one likes him

Kay: he’s just got to split the conservative base

Gregory: and Rick Perry?

Todd: this race is Rick Perry’s to lose
and he’s losing it

Gregory: what about that guy
Barack Obama?

Kay: he has to remind people that the
GOP crashed the economy

Todd: Obama has to find positive things
to say about Rick Perry

Gregory: damn Obama can’t get a break

Gregory: Is Mitt Romney an untrustworthy
flip flopper?

Jindal: Perry fought to cut taxes in Texas
which was very hard

Gregory: Tim you said Mitt Romney can’t be
the nominee and now you endorse him

Pawlenty: Obama failed to cut the deficit in half!

Gregory: what about Romneycare

Pawlenty: He’s changed his mind -
what more do you want?

Gregory: will he change it again?

Pawlenty: if you want him to - yes!

Gregory: if the GOP primary voters

Jindal: Rick Perry has made the tough decision
to send the national guard after a hurricane

Pawlenty: he can’t debate!

Gregory: Chris Christie thinks Rick Perry is
an inarticulate idiot

Jindal: CEO Magazine has endorsed him!

Jeffers: do we want a good moral person
or do we want Rick Perry?!?!

Pawlenty: Mitt Romney has never had a gay affair!

Jindal: we should not consider religious
in government - just consult the Bible on that

Gregory: thanks for coming

Gregory: save the date for a debate with all
Republican candidates, David Gregory and Facebook

Audience: truly an Algonquin Round table
of the 21st century

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory: save the date for a debate with all
Republican candidates, David Gregory and Facebook

Fuck, another one?

We already know they're all pandering loons!