Sunday, October 09, 2011

Meet The Press - October 9, 2011

Mayor Rahm Emmanuel (D-Chicago)
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL)
Rep. Aaron Schock (R-IL)
Bethany McLean
Mark Halperin

Gregory: wow Occupy Wall Street is growing
all over the world!

Obama: they’re frustrated and they’re right!

Cantor: they’re a dangerous mob!

Gregory: Rahm you are a new Mayor
and the economy sucks

Emmanuel: we’re adding thousands
of jobs

Gregory: but unemployment is still
really high

Emmanuel: we need a new NASA or
Internet for the 21st century

Gregory: so what’s the big idea?

Emmanuel: rebuilding our crumbling bridges

Gregory: but no one wants to do
that Rahm

Emmanuel: [ punches Gregory in the face ]

Gregory: Ow!

Emmanuel: look we need to replace pipes
that are 100 years old

Gregory: god that almost as old as
Andy Rooney

Gregory: Didn’t you and Obama fail to
stimulate the economy?

Emmanuel: [ puts Gregory in a headlock]

now look Fluffy - Obama rescued the U.S.
economy and we are going to fucking
rebuild America

Gregory: ow ow ow

Emmanuel: and we’re importing auto jobs

Gregory: ok ok

Emmanuel: some Republicans wanted the
U.S. auto industry to go bankrupt -
did you know that Fluffy?!

Gregory: but polls say people disapprove
of Obama on the economy

Emmanuel: don’t make me fuck you over David

Gregory: the stimulus wasn’t big enough
and focused on health care reform and
now all hope is lost

Emmanuel: [ stabs Gregory with a fork ]

Gregory: Aaacckk!

Emmanuel: Bush bailed out Wall Street
and Obama passed financial reform!

Gregory: ok ok but Obama is
doomed isn’t he?

Emmanuel: you’re doomed Fluffy!

[ leaps over table, pins Gregory to the floor ]

Gregory: please stop hurting me

Emmanuel: Obama is a leader and is creating
an environment for jobs motherfucker!

Obama: why is Obama demonizing Wall Street?

Emmanuel: Bush gave them $700 billion
you goddamm moron

Gregory: Arrrgghhh

Emmanuel: When banks needed help
America rescued them - and now regular
people need help!

Gregory: please don’t kill me Rahm

[pulls out Glock, points it at Gregory’s head ]
if you can’t hear the frustration among
regular people then you are one
dumb motherfucker Fluffy

Gregory: how can we as a nation carry on
without Steve Jobs?

Emmanuel: Chicago is having a fuckin’
dance festival and it’s going to fucking
rock Fluffy!

Gregory: all right

Emmanuel: I said dance Fluffy! Dance for me
like I’m Karl motherfucking Rove!

Gregory: I’m dancing I’m dancing!

Emmanuel: we’re making schools, cops
and government accountable Greggers!

Gregory: How does Obama get relected?

Emmanuel: people want their fucking
dreams back!

Gregory: I hear you saying Obama will lose

Emmanuel: [ dangles Gregory out the window ]
if you can’t hear the concerns of ordinary
people then get the fuck out of public life!

Gregory: [ upside down ]
and I think we’ll just leave it there

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome President Ryan

Ryan: welcome to the Midwest Fluffy

Gregory: what about the Obama Jobs Bill?

Ryan: he won’t work with us even on
things we agree

Gregory: what do agree on?

Ryan: international trade agreements

Gregory: but he just sent them to you

Ryan: and we will vote on that next week

Gregory: so what are you complaining about?

Ryan: we need to lower corporate tax rates

Gregory: what about stimulating
the economy?

Ryan: we tried that already and it failed

Gregory: but the recession started
under Bush

Ryan: I was talking about Bush!

Gregory: so what’s your problem
with Obama?

Ryan: Obama is creating a ruckus

Gregory: could you describe the ruckus?

Gregory: Biden says the GOP wants to
do nothing

Ryan: not true - we want to work with
the White House on passing all our ideas

Gregory: what about other ideas?

Ryan: stimulus is just sugar high gimmicks

Gregory: aren’t tax cuts also just
sugar high policies?

Ryan: Bush was a big spending liberal!

Gregory: I did not know that

Ryan: Obama wants to tax 80% of all
small businesses at 50%!

Gregory: Austerity alone do not seem to be enough

Ryan: Bush spent trillions in stimulus!

Gregory: what is the answer?

Ryan: Certainty!

Gregory: “Hope and No Change”

Ryan: right!

Gregory: Herman Cain said “Blame Yourself”
- is that the GOP message?

Ryan: no we must do more to help rich
people get more rich so more people will
want to get more rich

Gregory: fascinating

Ryan: we can also go after rich people by
getting rid of Medicare

Gregory: interesting idea

Ryan: Obama is playing to fear -
the GOP would never do that

Gregory: But is ‘blame yourself’ divisive?

Ryan: we should not pit people against
each other - we should all get along and
give more things to rich people

[ break ]

Gregory: Can Obama work with Congress?

Biden: Look we can work with John Boehner
and Eric Cantor but the Tea Party shot them down

Gregory: I see

Biden: we need a strong Republican party
but they are disorganized and spend most
of their time fighting each other

Gregory: as a Democrat I’m sure you
can appreciate that

Biden: indeed

Gregory: If the GOP are inept can
they beat you?

Biden: sure we can be beaten - but I am
counting on the good judgment of
the American people

Gregory: good luck with that

[ break ]

Gregory: are you a do-nothing Congress?

Aaron Schock: we are not a do-nothing Congress
- the House GOP even wrote our very own budget!

Gutierrez: the Tea Party wants to burn
the House down!

Gregory: the race is between Romney,
Perry and Cain

Halperin: It’s always been between
Romney and NotRomney

Gregory: can NotRomney win?

Halperin: when the nation gets to know
Rick Perry’s life story people will love him

Gregory: why is Cain surging?

Halperin: there is a huge hunger for
someone really crazy and Cain fills that void

Gregory: What about Occupy Wall Street?

McLean: people say OWS is disorganized
but then so is Washington DC

Gregory: banks are greedy - who knew?

McLean: we need to talk about reforming
the entire financial system

Gregory: why are they demonizing Wall Street?

Gutierrez: Hey Fluffy - they got $700 billion
in tax money and in response they charge
you $5 to get access to your own money

Schock: the GOP has heard the concerns
of Occupy Wall Street and is responding
by attacking the EPA

Halperin: Obama needs to be nicer
to the big banks

Gregory: Some some say Mitt Romney
is in a cult

Halperin: only people who speak for Rick Perry

Gregory: why can’t the GOP choose a nominee?

Schock: hey Fluffy it’s only October -
We have plenty of time to settle on
lunatic to lose to Obama

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Obama: why is Obama demonizing Wall Street?

Heh. I wish he was.

Kevin said...

Nice Breakfast Club reference!

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