Sunday, October 23, 2011

Meet The Press - October 23, 2011

Hillary Clinton (U.S. Sec. of State)
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX)
Andrea Mitchell
Jack Welch (Fmr. CEO of GE)
Harold Ford (Morgan Stanley)
David Brooks
Gregory: After eight years in Iraq we spent
$700 billion and lost have 4,000 lives -
should we really leave when things
are going so well?

Gregory: Also Qaddafi is dead and Mitt Romney
touched Rick Perry!

Gregory: Good morning Hillary - Republicans
say if we leave Iraq it could possibly turn violent

Clinton: oh noe!

Gregory: yes really!

Clinton: you know Fluffy Bush committed
to withdrawing troops at the end of 2011

Gregory: but he was an idiot

Clinton: true - but we are going to have a
mature relationship with Iraq - no more
spitballs, name-calling and not sharing
the back seat of the car

Gregory: don’t we endanger our great
success war with Iraq with the possibility of war?

Clinton: we’re leaving and that’s it

Gregory: but I’m scared of Iran

Clinton: Calm down Fluffy

Gregory: Isn’t it awful that Iran could
push Iraq around?

Clinton: that’s our job!

Gregory: right

Clinton: I’m kidding Greggers

Gregory: do you stand by your vote
authorizing invasion of Iraq?

Clinton: let’s not bicker about who wanted
to invade what country based on lies

Gregory: was the Iraq war worth it?

Clinton: Iraq is lovely free place now

Gregory: Isn’t it sad how Qaddafi was killed?

Clinton: yes there needs to be a thorough
investigation of how a feared dictator
somehow got killed by his long-oppressed people

Gregory: you said you would bomb anyone
in Pakistan who supports terrorism

Clinton: we Afghans are doing our part
and the Pakistanis need to as well

Gregory: that’s good

Clinton: we need to double our efforts
to kill any threats in any of the Stans

Gregory: Do you think the GOP candidates
can answer the 3:00 a.m. phone call?

Clinton: I will tell you this Fluffy - from
bin Laden to Alwaki to Qaddafi - I would
not fuck with Barack Obama

Gregory: ok

Clinton: I mean it David - we can’t take
a risk with this crop of morons!

Gregory: thanks for coming Hillary

[ break ]

Gregory: Ron Paul you would eliminate 5
cabinet departments and cut a trillion
dollars in spending

Paul: absolutely

Gregory: wouldn’t that cause a huge
amount of hardship?

Paul: no because the money would go
back to the people

Gregory: you would stop inspection
of nuclear plants?

Paul: well maybe not that

Gregory: oh well ok then

Paul: look I hate war and Social Security

Gregory: wouldn’t all those spending
cuts prevent economic recovery?

Paul: no because the government has taken
over the economy!

Gregory: would you abolish all student aid?

Paul: yes because most people should
not go to college

Gregory: even Rand?

Paul: especially him

Paul: I worked my way through medical
school participating in innovative medical
experiments and I turned out just fine

Gregory: clearly

Gregory: you would get rid of government’s
role in housing

Paul: yes because government prints money
and makes derivatives!

Gregory: but housing prices would go down

Paul: good!

Gregory: but I like my artificially expensive house

Paul: we bail out everyone and dump
debt on the people!

Gregory: what about pulling troops
out of Iraq?

Paul: we’re going to leave 15,000 CIA agents
and the Turks are working with Iran

Gregory: I didn’t know that

Paul: in other words we’re never leaving

Gregory: you would have left bin Laden alive!

Paul: no I would have killed him but I thought
prolonged occupation all over the world was stupid

Gregory: doesn’t the U.S. have a moral obligation
to help all people all over the world

Paul: No Fluffy - volunteers can handle
international conflicts

Gregory: what about the Drone Wars

Paul: they kill innocent people!

Gregory: what would you do if Iran invades Israel

Paul: pull your head out of your ass Fluffy
- Israel has 300 nuclear weapons!

Gregory: you said ‘taxation is immoral’

Paul: no ‘taxation is theft’

Gregory: I apologize

Paul: the government is not the boss of me!

Gregory: you want to get rid of Social Security

Paul: yes but I want to take care of the elderly
by cutting spending

Gregory: would you cut benefits?

Paul: no!

Gregory: so you would get rid of Social Security
but not cut benefits

Paul: yes because young people want to take
care of themselves right now until they get old

Gregory: you hate the debates

Paul: the entire world is falling apart and
we’re talking who is mowing Mitt Romney’s yard!

Gregory: is there no difference between
Romney and Obama?

Paul: Audit the Fed! Cut Social Security!
Cut a trillion dollars!

Gregory: wow

Paul: Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party
agree - why is the government printing money?!?!

Gregory: thanks for coming doc

[ break ]

Gregory: Andrea Obama is taking credit just
because we’re leaving Iraq and freed Libya
without losing any troops

Mitchell: If leaving Iraq turns out to be a
good idea it will be because Bush agreed to
pull out but if it’s a mistake then it’s
all Obama’s fault

Brooks: Iran is very scary

Gregory: Obama has actually succeeded
in foreign policy

Ford: all well and good but Obama needs
to create jobs

Welch: I agree with Harold Ford

Gregory: the GOP debates are so exciting!

Mitchell: you would you hire any of these guys?

Brooks: these debates are just to prepare
Mitt Romney to face Barack Obama

Gregory: Jack you love Herman Cain

Welch: he’s crazy and his plan is insane but
I love his folksy charm and also he would
cut my taxes which is what America needs

Ford: Obama needs to learn from Herman Cain!

Welch: I re-agree with Harold Ford

Gregory: Can Obama win on taxing the rich?

Brooks: no because of Watergate

Gregory: I see

Brooks: Attacking the rich may help you
with fundraising but it won’t make you popular

Mitchell: Obama vs Romney will be our first
all-robot election

Gregory: how could Obama create jobs?

Welch: drill for oil and end all regulations

Gregory: I see

Welch: the jobs bill makes it illegal to discriminate
against unemployed people - that’s insane!

Ford: Obama is terrible because he keeps
attacking business - it’s so so sad

Welch: I re-re-agree with Harold Ford

Gregory: I see

Ford: we need to incentivize rich people
to spend their money!

Mitchell: what about Occupy Wall Street?

Ford: Fuck those dirty fucking hippies -
they’re ruining it for all of us

Brooks: Just cut taxes!

Welch: Obama should have proposed
Simpson-Bowles - that was awesome

Mitchell: yes if he had done that we would
all live in Merry Gumdrop Land where
all consumers are happy and the GOP would
not have threatened default on the debt ceiling

Welch: We need to take on China!

Brooks: who knows better about taking
on China than General Electric?

Gregory: what about foreign policy

Mitchell: the GOP candidates need to
persuade us they can handle foreign crisis
and so far that ain’t happening

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

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