Host: Jake Tapper
Guests:
Austan Goolsbee
George Clooney
************************
Tapper: Hey America the economy is growing
but unemployment is still high
Tapper: Gools where are the jobs?
Goolsbee: It’s a bumpy road but we’re on
the right track
Tapper: how do you juice the economy?
Goolsbee: we already cut taxes on business
17 times
Tapper: what about trade with Korea?
Goolsbee: North or South?
Tapper: whichever works slick
Goolsbee: Obama supports lowering tariffs
on kimchi
Tapper: he’s going to lose Wisconsin if he
crosses the sauerkraut lobby
Goolsbee: well forget it then
Tapper: will unemployment ever go down?
Goolsbee: maybe
Tapper: really?
Goolsbee: we’re going to cut unemployment because we have to
Tapper: will Congress lift the debt ceiling?
Goolsbee: those nutty tea partiers might
actually default
Tapper: they are so much fun
Goolsbee: it’s not a fucking game - it would
be catastrophic
Tapper: awesome
Goolsbee: it would be the first economic crisis in history caused by insane people wearing funny hats who can’t spell
Tapper: but Obama thinks we should cut spending
Goolsbee: true
Tapper: what is Obama willing cut from the budget?
Goolsbee: Jet fighters built in GOP districts
Tapper: what about building a time machine
back to 1998?
Goolsbee: we’re open to all proposals Tappy
Tapper: very good
Goolsbee: the reason the deficit is high is not spending - it’s because we’re in a recession
Tapper: It’s 2011 so give me some new ideas for the economy
Goolsbee: criminy Tappster Obama signed a massive tax cut daya ago that’s just coming into place now
Tapper: but that was last month
Goolsbee: I know!
Tapper: I’m bored so let’s go to George Clooney’s plan to start his own tv network - the
Sudan Genocide Channel
Clooney: it’s going to be the TMZ of crimes against humanity
Tapper: that’s redundant
Tapper: why not a start a history network about Nostradamus and aliens
Clooney: because the Chinese are turning a blind eye to war crimes
Tapper: unlike the U.S.?
Clooney: good point
Tapper: will this really be effective?
Clooney: we’ll be like the paparazzi - you never know where we’ll be or if we’re watching
Tapper: I like it
Tapper: will you document crimes by both sides?
Clooney: darn right
Tapper: this will cost $750,00 - isn’t this a terrible waste of money?
Clooney: no because this could help millions of people for less than it costs to fluff
David Gregory’s hair
Tapper: fair enough
Clooney: we have to do something to address this terrible problem
Tapper: but in the Ivory Coast right now there’s an unelected Presidential war criminal flouting international law and the global standards
of decent behavior
Clooney: George W. Bush is in Africa?
Tapper: LOL
Tapper: George you can’t get the world to care about atrocities in Africa or anywhere else and you’re incredibly good looking!
Clooney: we’re going to threaten to put them on tv with Chris Hansen
Tapper: Has Obama done enough or are you disappointed like everyone else?
Clooney: he hasn’t stopped the genocide but on the plus side he’s not actually bombing the country himself
Tapper: thanks for coming
****************************************
Sunday, January 02, 2011
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