Vice President Joe Biden
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Fmr. Rep. Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
Gregory: Busy weekend in Congress with tax cuts, gays in the military, DREAM and START
Gregory: Joe very nice job this week -
but what about jobs?
Biden: the deal to prevent the Bush Tax Hike
will mean more jobs
Gregory: Bush Tax Hike?
Biden: right - Bush signed a law to raise your taxes in 2011 and we prevented that and even added unemployment insurance
Gregory: Mitt Romney says there is still uncertainty - why did you not write the laws in stone or blood
Biden: job creators don’t care about rates for the rich - businessmen want a new backhoe
Gregory: but in 2012 people will want more tax
cuts for the rich
Biden: which people?
Gregory: me and all my rich friends
Biden: we had nail down a deal now
Gregory: Obama broke his promise to make Republicans to do the right thing!
Biden: hey Fluffy we lost the 2010 elections -
did you know that?
Biden: right - the GOP was holding unemployed people hostage
Gregory: but Obama compromised!
Biden: fuckin-a Fluffers - people were drowning!
Gregory: Obama is not serious about cutting
Biden: right - all economists said to attack the debt we should cut the payroll tax and spend more
Gregory: so why not spend more money on shovel-ready projects?
Biden: great idea - we froze spending on discretionary projects
Gregory: I see
Gregory: will Obama veto any bill with earmarks?
Biden: who can say - we’d be willing to drive a
Chevy to the levee to fund troops in Afghanistan
Gregory: Veto - yes or no!
Biden: I veto you Fluffy!
Gregory: omg we’re going to have lesbians serving openly in the military
Biden: most of the Dutch military are gay men and they haven’t lost a war since Napoleon
Gregory: plus they’re all tall and good looking
Biden: especially in those speed skating outfits
Gregory: so true
Gregory: can we still build a missile shield
Biden: yes - look even John McCain likes this treaty and as you have no doubt noticed he’s insane
Gregory: Julian Assange says he will continue to release cables from Reading Goal
Biden: damm that fucker and his nice hair
Gregory: is he a crook?
Biden: he conspired with leakers unlike Bob Woodward who has a very nice townhouse in Georgetown
Gregory: is Assange a terrorist or a freedom fighter?
Biden: he’s a high tech terrorist because now I can’t bring my friends into meetings with other diplomats
Gregory: are we winning in Afghanistan?
Biden: in our effort to kill the last 90 members of al-qaeda we’re making great progress
Biden: remaking the Central Asian region is however proving to be a little more difficult
Gregory: just be honest with me Joe
Biden: you’re a moron
Gregory: anything else
Biden: also truthfully Bush completely fucked up Afghanistan so we need to withdraw carefully
Biden: we’re Al Pacino in Godfather III
Gregory: overacting in a regrettable sequel?
Biden: every time we think we’re out - we get pulled back in!
Gregory: should we be terrified of an al-qaeda
terror attack in America?
Gregory: that’s disappointing
Biden: but we should be worried about weirdo nutjobs like Underpants Boy
Gregory: How does Obama turn things around?
Biden: the American people want us to get along and get stuff done and goddammit that is
what we’re doing
Gregory: what is Obama - is he a liberal, a pragmatist, a Vulcan or an android?
Biden: he’s a progressive leader who knows politics is the art of the possible
Gregory: but Obama ran on changing Washington forever
Biden: but the Republicans decided it was in their best interest to obstruct Obama at every turn
Gregory: they were rewarded
Biden: right but they are already compromising - those weeping weenies
Gregory: can you speak reason to the GOP
Biden: Yes! I’ve been doing it all along Fluffman
Biden: I like these Republicans and they’re
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama came through with big Republican votes on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’
Scarborough: it’s a big win for Obama who was losing his base
Gregory: Cornyn and McCain said it’s disgrace to shove gays down our throats
McKinnon: that’s stupid and bigoted
Gregory: How did Obama pull it off?
Mitchell: Admiral Mullen and others persuaded others that it was immoral not to repeal the dishonorable policy
Gregory: what about the tax bill?
Booker: it’s pragmatic just like DADT
Booker: sure - the liberal base wants to raise taxes on the rich but I tell you this is a good deal for people in Newark
Gregory: is this the new practical Obama?
Scarborough: passing this bill was easy - Obama needs to control the deficit or America will collapse like Ireland or California
Gregory: Oh my god!
Scarborough: raising the debt is totally reckless!
Gregory: You’re a Reagan republican!
Scarborough: that’s different! He was a white cowboy with nice hair!
McKinnon: do you like my scarf?
Booker: unlike all of you I actually have a real job
McKinnon: oh snap
Booker: I don’t care about attacks on wealth - I want spending to build up my crappy city
Mitchell: the GOP were dumb to oppose the DREAM act - these are people who are trying to educate themselves and serve the nation on the front lines
Booker: it’s crazy - it’s like if Einstein were a war
hero and telling him to get his anchor-baby ass back to Germany
Gregory: so basically you’re saying it’s another Obama failure
McKinnon: we went from 44% of the Hispanic vote
to 28% in 2008 - so good job, GOP!
Gregory: people think American is on the wrong track
McKinnon: so true
Gregory: people think ‘No Labels’ is right-wing childish magical thinking
McKinnon: Rush Limbaugh and Frank Rich both attacked us so we must be right
McKinnon: America likes good things
Scarborough: Leftists are childish and they
lost in 2010
Gregory: so how does Obama punish the GOP
Booker: I heard you are a moron
Booker: Who cares?! my city is totally fucked! I have to work with evil people like Chris Christie and Mark Zuckberg!
Gregory: Andrea are we ever leaving the nightmare that is Afghanistan
Mitchell: everything is collapsing so we might as well get the hell out
Booker: why are still cutting taxes for the rich when we’re at war?
Scarborough: Obama cut taxes and doubled-down until 2015
Gregory: I’m scared of terrorists hiding in caves
Mitchell: Pakistan won’t cooperate so we should just fucking leave already
Scarborough: I guarantee we not leaving in 2014
Booker: people in Newark are scared of gunfire but it’s not coming from Afghanistan I assure you
Gregory: Mark Zuckerberg pledged $100 million for Newark schools
Booker: did I mention he’s a genius and a
Gregory: schools are awesome
Mitchell: those Asians are beating us our asses
Scarborough: a non-shitty American education should be our moonshot!