Sunday, December 19, 2010

Meet The Press with Joe Biden - December 19, 2010

Vice President Joe Biden
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Fmr. Rep. Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
Andrea Mitchell
Mark McKinnon

Gregory: Busy weekend in Congress with tax cuts, gays in the military, DREAM and START

Gregory: Joe very nice job this week -
but what about jobs?

Biden: the deal to prevent the Bush Tax Hike
will mean more jobs

Gregory: Bush Tax Hike?

Biden: right - Bush signed a law to raise your taxes in 2011 and we prevented that and even added unemployment insurance

Gregory: Mitt Romney says there is still uncertainty - why did you not write the laws in stone or blood

Biden: job creators don’t care about rates for the rich - businessmen want a new backhoe

Gregory: but in 2012 people will want more tax
cuts for the rich

Biden: which people?

Gregory: me and all my rich friends

Biden: we had nail down a deal now

Gregory: Obama broke his promise to make Republicans to do the right thing!

Biden: hey Fluffy we lost the 2010 elections -
did you know that?

Gregory: really?

Biden: right - the GOP was holding unemployed people hostage

Gregory: but Obama compromised!

Biden: fuckin-a Fluffers - people were drowning!

Gregory: Obama is not serious about cutting
the deficit

Biden: bullshit

Gregory: oh?

Biden: right - all economists said to attack the debt we should cut the payroll tax and spend more

Gregory: so why not spend more money on shovel-ready projects?

Biden: great idea - we froze spending on discretionary projects

Gregory: I see

Gregory: will Obama veto any bill with earmarks?

Biden: who can say - we’d be willing to drive a
Chevy to the levee to fund troops in Afghanistan

Gregory: Veto - yes or no!

Biden: I veto you Fluffy!

Gregory: omg we’re going to have lesbians serving openly in the military

Biden: most of the Dutch military are gay men and they haven’t lost a war since Napoleon

Gregory: plus they’re all tall and good looking

Biden: especially in those speed skating outfits

Gregory: so true

Gregory: can we still build a missile shield
under START?

Biden: yes - look even John McCain likes this treaty and as you have no doubt noticed he’s insane

Gregory: Julian Assange says he will continue to release cables from Reading Goal

Biden: damm that fucker and his nice hair

Gregory: is he a crook?

Biden: he conspired with leakers unlike Bob Woodward who has a very nice townhouse in Georgetown

Gregory: is Assange a terrorist or a freedom fighter?

Biden: he’s a high tech terrorist because now I can’t bring my friends into meetings with other diplomats

Gregory: are we winning in Afghanistan?

Biden: in our effort to kill the last 90 members of al-qaeda we’re making great progress

Gregory: excellent

Biden: remaking the Central Asian region is however proving to be a little more difficult

Gregory: just be honest with me Joe

Biden: you’re a moron

Gregory: anything else

Biden: also truthfully Bush completely fucked up Afghanistan so we need to withdraw carefully

Gregory: Ok

Biden: we’re Al Pacino in Godfather III

Gregory: overacting in a regrettable sequel?

Biden: every time we think we’re out - we get pulled back in!

Gregory: should we be terrified of an al-qaeda
terror attack in America?

Biden: no

Gregory: that’s disappointing

Biden: but we should be worried about weirdo nutjobs like Underpants Boy

Gregory: How does Obama turn things around?

Biden: the American people want us to get along and get stuff done and goddammit that is
what we’re doing

Gregory: what is Obama - is he a liberal, a pragmatist, a Vulcan or an android?

Biden: he’s a progressive leader who knows politics is the art of the possible

Gregory: but Obama ran on changing Washington forever

Biden: but the Republicans decided it was in their best interest to obstruct Obama at every turn

Gregory: they were rewarded

Biden: right but they are already compromising - those weeping weenies

Gregory: can you speak reason to the GOP

Biden: Yes! I’ve been doing it all along Fluffman

Gregory: interesting

Biden: I like these Republicans and they’re
my friends

Gregory: Awwww

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama came through with big Republican votes on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’

Scarborough: it’s a big win for Obama who was losing his base

Gregory: Cornyn and McCain said it’s disgrace to shove gays down our throats

McKinnon: that’s stupid and bigoted

Gregory: How did Obama pull it off?

Mitchell: Admiral Mullen and others persuaded others that it was immoral not to repeal the dishonorable policy

Gregory: what about the tax bill?

Booker: it’s pragmatic just like DADT

Gregory: Oh?

Booker: sure - the liberal base wants to raise taxes on the rich but I tell you this is a good deal for people in Newark

Gregory: is this the new practical Obama?

Scarborough: passing this bill was easy - Obama needs to control the deficit or America will collapse like Ireland or California

Gregory: Oh my god!

Scarborough: raising the debt is totally reckless!

Gregory: You’re a Reagan republican!

Scarborough: that’s different! He was a white cowboy with nice hair!

McKinnon: do you like my scarf?

Booker: unlike all of you I actually have a real job

McKinnon: oh snap

Booker: I don’t care about attacks on wealth - I want spending to build up my crappy city

Mitchell: the GOP were dumb to oppose the DREAM act - these are people who are trying to educate themselves and serve the nation on the front lines

Booker: it’s crazy - it’s like if Einstein were a war
hero and telling him to get his anchor-baby ass back to Germany

Gregory: so basically you’re saying it’s another Obama failure

McKinnon: we went from 44% of the Hispanic vote
to 28% in 2008 - so good job, GOP!

Gregory: people think American is on the wrong track

McKinnon: so true

Gregory: people think ‘No Labels’ is right-wing childish magical thinking

McKinnon: Rush Limbaugh and Frank Rich both attacked us so we must be right

Gregory: okey

McKinnon: America likes good things

Scarborough: Leftists are childish and they
lost in 2010

Gregory: so how does Obama punish the GOP

Booker: I heard you are a moron

Gregory: yes

Booker: Who cares?! my city is totally fucked! I have to work with evil people like Chris Christie and Mark Zuckberg!

Gregory: Andrea are we ever leaving the nightmare that is Afghanistan

Mitchell: everything is collapsing so we might as well get the hell out

Booker: why are still cutting taxes for the rich when we’re at war?

Scarborough: Obama cut taxes and doubled-down until 2015

Gregory: I’m scared of terrorists hiding in caves

Mitchell: Pakistan won’t cooperate so we should just fucking leave already

Scarborough: I guarantee we not leaving in 2014

Booker: people in Newark are scared of gunfire but it’s not coming from Afghanistan I assure you

Gregory: Mark Zuckerberg pledged $100 million for Newark schools

Booker: did I mention he’s a genius and a
wonderful person

Gregory: schools are awesome

Mitchell: those Asians are beating us our asses

Scarborough: a non-shitty American education should be our moonshot!

Gregory: Amen


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Biden: we’re Al Pacino in Godfather III

Gregory: overacting in a regrettable sequel?

This is why I check Bobblespeak every week.

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