Sunday, January 02, 2011

ABC's This Week - January 2, 2011

Host: Jake Tapper
Austan Goolsbee
George Clooney
Tapper: Hey America the economy is growing
but unemployment is still high

Tapper: Gools where are the jobs?

Goolsbee: It’s a bumpy road but we’re on
the right track

Tapper: how do you juice the economy?

Goolsbee: we already cut taxes on business
17 times

Tapper: what about trade with Korea?

Goolsbee: North or South?

Tapper: whichever works slick

Goolsbee: Obama supports lowering tariffs
on kimchi

Tapper: he’s going to lose Wisconsin if he
crosses the sauerkraut lobby

Goolsbee: well forget it then

Tapper: will unemployment ever go down?

Goolsbee: maybe

Tapper: really?

Goolsbee: we’re going to cut unemployment because we have to

Tapper: will Congress lift the debt ceiling?

Goolsbee: those nutty tea partiers might
actually default

Tapper: they are so much fun

Goolsbee: it’s not a fucking game - it would
be catastrophic

Tapper: awesome

Goolsbee: it would be the first economic crisis in history caused by insane people wearing funny hats who can’t spell

Tapper: but Obama thinks we should cut spending

Goolsbee: true

Tapper: what is Obama willing cut from the budget?

Goolsbee: Jet fighters built in GOP districts

Tapper: what about building a time machine
back to 1998?

Goolsbee: we’re open to all proposals Tappy

Tapper: very good

Goolsbee: the reason the deficit is high is not spending - it’s because we’re in a recession

Tapper: It’s 2011 so give me some new ideas for the economy

Goolsbee: criminy Tappster Obama signed a massive tax cut daya ago that’s just coming into place now

Tapper: but that was last month

Goolsbee: I know!

Tapper: I’m bored so let’s go to George Clooney’s plan to start his own tv network - the
Sudan Genocide Channel

Clooney: it’s going to be the TMZ of crimes against humanity

Tapper: that’s redundant

Tapper: why not a start a history network about Nostradamus and aliens

Clooney: because the Chinese are turning a blind eye to war crimes

Tapper: unlike the U.S.?

Clooney: good point

Tapper: will this really be effective?

Clooney: we’ll be like the paparazzi - you never know where we’ll be or if we’re watching

Tapper: I like it

Tapper: will you document crimes by both sides?

Clooney: darn right

Tapper: this will cost $750,00 - isn’t this a terrible waste of money?

Clooney: no because this could help millions of people for less than it costs to fluff
David Gregory’s hair

Tapper: fair enough

Clooney: we have to do something to address this terrible problem

Tapper: but in the Ivory Coast right now there’s an unelected Presidential war criminal flouting international law and the global standards
of decent behavior

Clooney: George W. Bush is in Africa?

Tapper: LOL

Tapper: George you can’t get the world to care about atrocities in Africa or anywhere else and you’re incredibly good looking!

Clooney: we’re going to threaten to put them on tv with Chris Hansen

Tapper: Has Obama done enough or are you disappointed like everyone else?

Clooney: he hasn’t stopped the genocide but on the plus side he’s not actually bombing the country himself

Tapper: thanks for coming