Guests:
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Rev. Al Sharpton
David Brooks (NY Times)
Peggy Noonan (Wall St. Journal)
Tim Shriver (Washington Post)
**************************************
Sen. Gregory: Kirsten how is Gabby doing
Gillibrand: she’s suffered a brain injury but can
still serve in Congress effectively
Gregory: of course
Gregory: Obama says she opened her eyes
Gillibrand: it’s thrilling for her constituents
Gregory: what was it like to be there?
Gillibrand: her husband is amazing
Gregory: did you know he actually is a
rocket scientist
Gillibrand: she’s a fighter
Gregory: just like mark wahlberg
Gillibrand: she just wants to help people
and bring them together
Gregory: wow that’s very timely
Gillibrand: she always wanted a civil discourse
Gregory: everything was going fine until
she got shot
Gillibrand: small businesses are suffering!
Gregory: thanks for stopping by Kirsten
[ break ]
Gregory: and I'm back with Chuck S and
Tom GoBurn
Coburn: it’s Coburn
Gregory: whatever
Schumer: in Brooklyn we believe in civil
fucking discourse
Gregory: I see
Gregory: Arizona allows people to conceal carry
30 round clips in bars
Schumer: this drug addicted nut should never
have been allowed to buy a gun
Gregory: Tom do people really need to fire
30 bullets at one time?
Coburn: this poor individual needed help
Gregory: you sound like a bleeding-heart liberal
Coburn: he was crazy and if people had noticed he would never have been sold a gun although that was his sacred right
Gregory: well that is rather the point isn’t it
Schumer: 10 bullets is good enough for New York City so it should be enough for Arizona
Gregory: Chuck you haven’t used the word ‘motherfucker’ once and Tom Coburn is sitting
right here
Schumer: I’m trying to be fucking civil Fluffy
Gregory: Tom what about having sane guns laws?
Coburn: we shouldn’t have any laws because
people will just break them
Gregory: that makes perfect sense
Coburn: People need fire 30 bullets to
defend themselves!
Gregory: From who?
Coburn: from crazy people with guns!
Gregory: of course
Coburn: if lunatics are banned from owing guns half of members of Congress will not be allowed to carry and that’s not fair
Gregory: has political discourse gone too far?
Coburn: I’m disgusted by media that suggest that calling Obama a Marxist Nazi Kenyan witch doctor
is somehow wrong
Gregory: how fascinating
Coburn: we need to pay attention to the real risk to America - that Obama wants to prevent law-abiding people from bringing guns to a political rally
Gregory: what about violent political rhetoric?
Coburn: we should all take Glenn Beck’s pledge and set anyone who advocates violence on fire
Schumer: let Democrats sit next to Republicans so I can punch anyone who yells “you lie”
Gregory: Doctor can we repeal health care reform?
Coburn: we need market forces to bring down
health care costs
Gregory: what’s the solution
Coburn: let patients negotiate with doctors
Gregory: how so
Coburn: like offer to wash the surgeon’s Mercedes for a year in exchange for a hip replacement
Schumer: we have the best health care system in the world except the parts that suck
Gregory: Eric Cantor wants Obama to promise extend the recession exchange for raising the
debt ceiling
Schumer: fuck him
Coburn: after 30 years of GOP spending I just realized that big spending is terrible
Gregory: right
Coburn: the bond vigilantes will destroy America!
Gregory: ok ok doctor
[ break ]
Gregory: panel where do we go from here?
Brooks: the lesson from Tuscon is for Obama to bring people together by proposing Republican
tax policies
Gregory: remember how awesome it was when Reagan brought people together after the space shuttle blew up by reading someone else’s poem?
Noonan: he silenced all the damm Shuttle-haters
Gregory: what did Obama accomplish?
Noonan: he told us to avoid the blame game and reminded us that the Internet is full of crazy rhetoric that kills people
Sharpton: this lunatic in Arizona proves we need to find common ground in tax policy
Gregory: Obama told us to be great
Shriver: people are begging to be challenged and involved in their society
Gregory: McCain said Obama is a patriot who is not secretly trying to destroy America
Audience: [ puts down Obama=Hitler poster ]
Noonan: people are not worried about civil discourse they’re worried about murderous lunatics
Brooks: Reagan said you’re in charge of your own mental illness - lucky you!
Noonan: oh that was all the ivory tower liberals fault
[ pours into cocktail shaker]
Shriver: just be a buddy to a crazy person
Gregory: hey I had lunch with Michelle Bachmann
Sharpton: that is one handsome white boy
Gregory: Pawlenty is a very civil homophobe
Brooks: the root of civility is sinfulness and our culture downplays the evilness of liberals and their sinful hippie ways
Noonan: the unwashed masses lack huuumiiilllliityyyy!!!
[ drops ice cubes ]
Gregory: that is so true Peggy
Gregory: Got MLK?
Brooks: ha
Martin Luther King: it’s wrong to ignore centuries of neglect and declare equality overnight
Sharpton: we need to honor King and strengthen education and unions
Brooks: I got an e-mail about how schools are great and government sucks
Gregory: Obama is a black guy
Shapton: He’s the damm President Fluffy!
Noonan: [ open jar of olives ]
Shriver: King was an extremist for love and justice!
Gregory: wow he was like a cross between the Dalai Lama and Superman
Noonan: some documentary movies are Obama’s Nixon to China
[ twirls swizzle stick ]
Brooks: my advice is read a conservative, read a liberal, then read my column and you’ll be
ready for a stiff drink
Noonan: hear hear
[ raises glass ]
Sharpton: King changed white people’s reality -
deal with it!
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
**********************************
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