Sunday, November 21, 2010

Meet The Press - November 21, 2010

Sec. of State Hillary Clinton
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Rep-Elect Allen West (R-FL)
Richard Wolffe
Paul Gigot (WSJ)
Robert Draper (NYT)
Gregory: OMG North Korea is building a nuclear bomb - this makes it difficult for Obama to argue
for arms control!

Gregory: Hillary is the GOP playing politics with
the START treaty?

Clinton: all the world leaders in Lisbon sure think so

Gregory: yeah but they’re all socialists

Clinton: Republicans were in favor of this until
they realized Obama supported it

Gregory: but why does an international treaty have to be with a bunch of foreigners?

Clinton: Reagan said ‘trust but verify’

Gregory: Ronald?

Clinton: Nancy

Gregory: doesn’t Republican intransigence
weaken Obama around the world?

Clinton: I would ask the GOP to please pull their heads out of their asses and pass the damm treaty

Gregory: why are we leaving so quickly in Afghanistan in another four years?

Clinton: no we’re withdrawing - just very very slowly

Gregory: can we please leave some military
bases there?

Clinton: oh of course - we’ll advise them from our massive installations

Gregory: permanent bases?

Clinton: no

Gregory: are you sure

Clinton: ok may be one or two - or five

Gregory: Hillary is it really necessary to grope
every air passenger?

Clinton: let’s not kid ourselves - the terrorists have explosive underwear so naked pictures and crotch grabs are the best ideas we’ve come up with

Gregory: we got a terror conviction this week in civilian court - this proves that civilian courts are bad

Clinton: um what

Gregory: why do foreigners want us to try these evil terrorists in these weird “civilian” courts??

Clinton: Americans want it!

Gregory: these civilian courts frighten and
confuse me

Clinton: they’re called Article III courts - you know, because they’re in the Constitution

Gregory: would we release terrorists if they
were acquitted?

Clinton: no that would be stupid

Gregory: then why bother with civilian courts?

Clinton: wow I heard you were a moron

Gregory: I don’t understand

Clinton: trials in federal court are required by law

Gregory: but those courts can’t guarantee a conviction like military courts do!

Clinton: blimey you’re an idiot

Gregory: Hillary what do you make of the 2010 election results and will you please schedule a
pillow fight with Sarah Palin

Clinton: ha ha - Fluffy I’m trying to pass a nuclear arms treaty - I don’t have to time to comment on some reality tv star and her mother

[ break ]

Gregory: Bobby are the pat-downs excessive?

Jindal: absolutely - these strong measures prove Obama is weak on terror

Gregory: oh

Jindal: look at all the successes Obama had on stopping terror attacks - it prove he’s lucky and
not competent

Gregory: could you elaborate

Jindal: they’re playing defense - not offense!

Gregory: but you just said airport security was excessive!

Jindal: they’re too worried about the rights
of terrorists!

Gregory: Did Bush just get lucky too?

Jindal: no he was brilliant - but we he was also too soft on terror

Gregory: really?

Jindal: Obama wants to offer the terrorists therapy

Gregory: truly you have a fascinating world view

Jindal: there’s more - we should only frisk brown-skinned men!

Gregory: this is great stuff

Jindal: this is a clash of civilizations - they hate our freedoms and our way of life!

Gregory: Was Obama incompetent in responding to the BP oil spill?

Jindal: yes they admitted there was oil in the water and wasted time insisting on life jackets!

Gregory: my god

Jindal: It’s just like Hurricane Katrina

Gregory: you say Obama was too concerned about his image and not fixing the oil spill

Jindal: right!

Gregory: and yet you’re written a whole book about how you were heroic during the crisis and the
White House sucked

Jindal: They relied too much British Petroleum!

Gregory: your big idea was a sand berm and experts say it’s stupid

Jindal: yes - but that’s Obama’s fault too

Gregory: I see

Jindal: Also the sand berms were a success and Obama approved it

Gregory: I see

Jindal: Red tape caused the disaster!

Gregory: Haley Barbour says Obama did a good job with oil spill

Jindal: yes but on the other hand I met with Obama and he provided the resources we asked for

Gregory: Is Obama a one-term President?

Jindal: look we’re in a recession so the American people want us to cut jobs and spending

Gregory: are you running for Vice President?

Jindal: we’ve done worse than me

Gregory: Speaking of that - can Sarah Palin unite
the GOP?

Jindal: [ spit take ]

Gregory: why did you spit?

Jindal: I’m a freaking Rhodes scholar and America loves this quitting dim wit

[ break ]

Gregory: Congressmen what do you think of the airline gropeathon?

West: As a Republican I like all security but I also must bash Obama so I will say they should have marketed the kid-fondling better

Wolffe: jeebus the hypocrisy is amazing

Gigot: with the intrusive searches we risk losing public support for the police state which
would be bad

Gregory: we have to put up with this don’t we!

Draper: George W. Bush loved this

Gregory: Allen are you a libertarian?

West: as libertarians we support war but we’re against pat-downs

Gregory: what does that mean?

West: It means we need racial profiling

Gregory: fascinating

West: we got lucky with terrorism and they will attack us again - so Obama shouldn’t have instituted new tough security procedures

Gregory: will there be any bipartisanship?

Wolffe: I can’t tell where the hell the GOP is on national security

Gregory: Obama has to extend Bush tax cuts but those dirty liberal bloggers won’t let him!

Gigot: yes Obama must move to the right!

West: my district has high unemployment and closed businesses on Man street which means we should cut taxes for the richest 2% of Americans

Gregory: can we please cut Medicaid?

West: damm right!

Wolffe: Republicans will wait until Obama endorses the unpopular positions and then oppose him

Draper: the American people love tax cuts
for the rich

Gigot: the bipartisan solution is to cut taxes for corporations on the one hand and the rich
on the other

Gregory: how is that bipartisan?

Gigot: you saw it from the reaction to the commission’s recommendations - Republicans
liked it and Democrats did not

Gregory: oh I see - you meant the Beltway version of bipartisan

Gigot: right - Democrats agree to give Republicans what they want and Republicans agree to let them

Gregory: Sarah Palin rules our world!

Draper: indeed

Gregory: she says people ignore her stellar 24-months as governor of a state with fewer people than the Bronx

Draper: She’s a policy wonk but wrestling bears doesn’t show it

Gregory: Congressman she endorsed you

West: she has devoted but frankly weird following

Gregory: I see

West: there are wolves out there!

Gregory: don’t tell me about it - I’ve seen ‘Twilight’

Gregory: She’s beer and Romney is wine

Wolffe: true but the powers that be drink Chardonnay not Pabst Blue Ribbon

Audience: If they together it would be
“XX and White Whine”

Gigot: she’s comes across as real

Audience: real stupid

Draper: the Palin circus is not ready to run a national campaign

Gregory: what are their defining characteristics?

Draper: self-pity, mistrust and paranoia

Gregory: How does Obama recover?

Wolffe: don’t underestimate Obama

Gregory: but how?

Wolffe: he could try Hope and Change

Gregory: that’s catchy

Allen West: the GOP win is Pickett’s Charge!

Gregory: Congressman what is your mandate?

West: slash spending and demand Obama’s birth certificate

Gigot: the GOP needs to cut something symbolic

Draper: I can’t wait to see them justify all the pork they’re going to grab

Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press -
happy turkey day


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