Sec. of State Hillary Clinton
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Rep-Elect Allen West (R-FL)
Paul Gigot (WSJ)
Robert Draper (NYT)
Gregory: OMG North Korea is building a nuclear bomb - this makes it difficult for Obama to argue
for arms control!
Gregory: Hillary is the GOP playing politics with
the START treaty?
Clinton: all the world leaders in Lisbon sure think so
Gregory: yeah but they’re all socialists
Clinton: Republicans were in favor of this until
they realized Obama supported it
Gregory: but why does an international treaty have to be with a bunch of foreigners?
Clinton: Reagan said ‘trust but verify’
Gregory: doesn’t Republican intransigence
weaken Obama around the world?
Clinton: I would ask the GOP to please pull their heads out of their asses and pass the damm treaty
Gregory: why are we leaving so quickly in Afghanistan in another four years?
Clinton: no we’re withdrawing - just very very slowly
Gregory: can we please leave some military
Clinton: oh of course - we’ll advise them from our massive installations
Gregory: permanent bases?
Gregory: are you sure
Clinton: ok may be one or two - or five
Gregory: Hillary is it really necessary to grope
every air passenger?
Clinton: let’s not kid ourselves - the terrorists have explosive underwear so naked pictures and crotch grabs are the best ideas we’ve come up with
Gregory: we got a terror conviction this week in civilian court - this proves that civilian courts are bad
Clinton: um what
Gregory: why do foreigners want us to try these evil terrorists in these weird “civilian” courts??
Clinton: Americans want it!
Gregory: these civilian courts frighten and
Clinton: they’re called Article III courts - you know, because they’re in the Constitution
Gregory: would we release terrorists if they
Clinton: no that would be stupid
Gregory: then why bother with civilian courts?
Clinton: wow I heard you were a moron
Gregory: I don’t understand
Clinton: trials in federal court are required by law
Gregory: but those courts can’t guarantee a conviction like military courts do!
Clinton: blimey you’re an idiot
Gregory: Hillary what do you make of the 2010 election results and will you please schedule a
pillow fight with Sarah Palin
Clinton: ha ha - Fluffy I’m trying to pass a nuclear arms treaty - I don’t have to time to comment on some reality tv star and her mother
[ break ]
Gregory: Bobby are the pat-downs excessive?
Jindal: absolutely - these strong measures prove Obama is weak on terror
Jindal: look at all the successes Obama had on stopping terror attacks - it prove he’s lucky and
Gregory: could you elaborate
Jindal: they’re playing defense - not offense!
Gregory: but you just said airport security was excessive!
Jindal: they’re too worried about the rights
Gregory: Did Bush just get lucky too?
Jindal: no he was brilliant - but we he was also too soft on terror
Jindal: Obama wants to offer the terrorists therapy
Gregory: truly you have a fascinating world view
Jindal: there’s more - we should only frisk brown-skinned men!
Gregory: this is great stuff
Jindal: this is a clash of civilizations - they hate our freedoms and our way of life!
Gregory: Was Obama incompetent in responding to the BP oil spill?
Jindal: yes they admitted there was oil in the water and wasted time insisting on life jackets!
Gregory: my god
Jindal: It’s just like Hurricane Katrina
Gregory: you say Obama was too concerned about his image and not fixing the oil spill
Gregory: and yet you’re written a whole book about how you were heroic during the crisis and the
White House sucked
Jindal: They relied too much British Petroleum!
Gregory: your big idea was a sand berm and experts say it’s stupid
Jindal: yes - but that’s Obama’s fault too
Gregory: I see
Jindal: Also the sand berms were a success and Obama approved it
Gregory: I see
Jindal: Red tape caused the disaster!
Gregory: Haley Barbour says Obama did a good job with oil spill
Jindal: yes but on the other hand I met with Obama and he provided the resources we asked for
Gregory: Is Obama a one-term President?
Jindal: look we’re in a recession so the American people want us to cut jobs and spending
Gregory: are you running for Vice President?
Jindal: we’ve done worse than me
Gregory: Speaking of that - can Sarah Palin unite
Jindal: [ spit take ]
Gregory: why did you spit?
Jindal: I’m a freaking Rhodes scholar and America loves this quitting dim wit
[ break ]
Gregory: Congressmen what do you think of the airline gropeathon?
West: As a Republican I like all security but I also must bash Obama so I will say they should have marketed the kid-fondling better
Wolffe: jeebus the hypocrisy is amazing
Gigot: with the intrusive searches we risk losing public support for the police state which
would be bad
Gregory: we have to put up with this don’t we!
Draper: George W. Bush loved this
Gregory: Allen are you a libertarian?
West: as libertarians we support war but we’re against pat-downs
Gregory: what does that mean?
West: It means we need racial profiling
West: we got lucky with terrorism and they will attack us again - so Obama shouldn’t have instituted new tough security procedures
Gregory: will there be any bipartisanship?
Wolffe: I can’t tell where the hell the GOP is on national security
Gregory: Obama has to extend Bush tax cuts but those dirty liberal bloggers won’t let him!
Gigot: yes Obama must move to the right!
West: my district has high unemployment and closed businesses on Man street which means we should cut taxes for the richest 2% of Americans
Gregory: can we please cut Medicaid?
West: damm right!
Wolffe: Republicans will wait until Obama endorses the unpopular positions and then oppose him
Draper: the American people love tax cuts
for the rich
Gigot: the bipartisan solution is to cut taxes for corporations on the one hand and the rich
on the other
Gregory: how is that bipartisan?
Gigot: you saw it from the reaction to the commission’s recommendations - Republicans
liked it and Democrats did not
Gregory: oh I see - you meant the Beltway version of bipartisan
Gigot: right - Democrats agree to give Republicans what they want and Republicans agree to let them
Gregory: Sarah Palin rules our world!
Gregory: she says people ignore her stellar 24-months as governor of a state with fewer people than the Bronx
Draper: She’s a policy wonk but wrestling bears doesn’t show it
Gregory: Congressman she endorsed you
West: she has devoted but frankly weird following
Gregory: I see
West: there are wolves out there!
Gregory: don’t tell me about it - I’ve seen ‘Twilight’
Gregory: She’s beer and Romney is wine
Wolffe: true but the powers that be drink Chardonnay not Pabst Blue Ribbon
Audience: If they together it would be
“XX and White Whine”
Gigot: she’s comes across as real
Audience: real stupid
Draper: the Palin circus is not ready to run a national campaign
Gregory: what are their defining characteristics?
Draper: self-pity, mistrust and paranoia
Gregory: How does Obama recover?
Wolffe: don’t underestimate Obama
Gregory: but how?
Wolffe: he could try Hope and Change
Gregory: that’s catchy
Allen West: the GOP win is Pickett’s Charge!
Gregory: Congressman what is your mandate?
West: slash spending and demand Obama’s birth certificate
Gigot: the GOP needs to cut something symbolic
Draper: I can’t wait to see them justify all the pork they’re going to grab
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press -
happy turkey day