Sen. Lindsey Graham
Amanpour: [ plays music from The Amazing Race ]
Obama… is… in... a race around the world!!
Tapper: Obama came to Mumbai so he could see where all the American jobs went
[ scenes of Obama dancing ]
Tapper: South Korea won’t dance to America’s
tune and open up to American beef
Obama: that is an irritant!
Tapper: the fed weakened US currency and Germany declared war
Obama: but only to grow the economy!
Amanpour: Madeline why are people criticizing America - we’re so awesome
Albright: that’s the purpose of these summits -
give the little nations a chance to bitch and whine
Amanpour: so it’s like a blogger conference call
Graham: Congress will crack down on those
Amanpour: How can America lecture the rest of
the world when we have a terrible debt
Graham: America clearly cannot lead the rest of the world until we cut Medicaid
Amanpour: oh I hope so
Graham: no other nation will trust us until we increase the retirement age
Amanpour: should we cut nuclear weapons?
Albright: yes we should cut them for other nations
Amanpour: Linds can we ratify START?
Graham: yes but first need an incredibly wasteful useless expensive missile defense system
Amanpour: Our puppet President in Afghanistan seems not to love America
Graham: We had a lovely dinner with me and
McCain and Hamid and We Own The Night!!
Amanpour: how nice
Graham: the security raids are going great and we must keep Night Ranger on the table
Amanpour: can we bring troops home in 2011?
Graham: yes but first we must win!!
Amanpour: I get it
Graham: it would be nice to have 2 airbases there permanently - is that too much to ask??
Albright: we should stay there until we train the Afghans properly to love us
Amanpour: how do you do that?
Albright: they’re Afghans - use a Dog Whisperer
Amanpour: or a Native Whisperer
Amanpour: Lindy are you a tea party isolationist?
Graham: I am an internationalist hawk - I believe Sunnis and Shia should marry each other as long
as they’re straight or hide it
Amanpour: that makes sense
Graham: I would like to add that we should attack Iran
Amanpour: but the tea party!!
Graham: they’re idiots - if we don’t invade Iran there will be Sharia law in Oklahoma
Albright: good god
[ break ]
Amanpour: isn’t it terrible that this debt is ruining American foreign policy?
Cote: Oh yes it’s so so sad
Amanpour: people keep yammering on and on about jobs going overseas
Cote: those jackwagons need stop whining
Conrad: we need to shock Americans
Amanpour: through draconian cuts?
Conrad: no I mean actual electroshock
Amanpour: should we eliminate tax deductions and cut taxes for the rich
Conrad: abusive tax shelters are a bit of a problem
Amanpour: Paul Krugman says the latest proposal is just a giveaway to the rich
Cote: this is not a time for arguing about who is getting rich and getting poor - this is a time for agreeing that we should slash tax rates for the very wealthy
Conrad: Social Security will go broke in 2027!
Amanpour: Greenspan says we should weaken
our currency even more
Cote: look I’m just a rich fate white CEO
Amanpour: so you know everything
Cote: Obama prevented a Depression and should get more credit
Amanpour: We have scary troops in South Korea - how could we not get a trade deal?
Conrad: Obama finally said no to them - yeah!
Amanpour: but the Germans were mean to us and frankly they scare me
Conrad: excuse me we did those krauts a little favor in 1945 and they should remember that
Amanpour: what was that?
Conrad: we got the damm French out of their hair
- a little gratitude would be nice
Amanpour: bien sur