Sen-Elect Rand Paul (R-KY)
Mike Pence (R-IN)
Amanpour: Hi everyone - the Republicans have their biggest majority in the House since the 1940s
Amanpour: today we have prominent tea party loon Rand Paul - what is your big issue?
Paul: the debt
Paul: indeed - Republicans doubled the debt and Democrats triple the debt it's so so sad
Amanpour: so how will you balance the budget?
Paul: Constitutional amendment
Amanpour: how realistic
Paul: also a rule requiring spending cuts
Amanpour: ok then
Paul: the GOP won’t cut defense and liberals won’t cut health care
Amanpour: would you cut defense
Amanpour: how about entitlements?
Amanpour: would you raise the retirement age?
Paul: we have too many lazy old people retiring
Amanpour: will you repeal health care reform?
Paul: it’s unconstitutional!
Amanpour: what about raising taxes
Paul: oh no no
Amanpour: but I thought you wanted to cut the debt
Paul: all we have to do is introduce a balanced budget
Amanpour: what is the Tea Party foreign policy?
Paul: a big powerful expensive defense
and lower debt
Amanpour: could you name some specific cuts?
Paul: freeze federal hiring and cut federal salaries
Amanpour: anything more specific?
Paul: there are lots of books about there
Amanpour: oh there are?
Paul: indeed we should stop printing so many - reading is overrated
Amanpour: good idea Rand
Paul: in Kentucky we balance the budget
Amanpour: how do you do that?
Paul: at the end of the year everyone digs in their couches for spare change
Amanpour: will you vote to raise the debt ceiling?
Amanpour: but then the U.S. will default
Paul: luckily no one likes me so my vote won’t matter
Amanpour: so will you have any influence in Congress?
Paul: we’re the Tea Party - we’re loud and proud
Amanpour: can the tea party compromise with Democrats?
Paul: sure - let’s cut defense
Amanpour: but what about all our fun wars?
Paul: I’m patriotic but I’m starting to wonder whether all these wars are all they’re cracked up to be
Amanpour: oh dear
[ break ]
Amanpour: Mike Pence are you running for President and if so are you crazy
Pence: I will consult with my family and the Lord
Amanpour: Rush Limbaugh?
Pence: that’s right
Amanpour: Dave Stockman what is the Big Lie?
Stockman: both parties have both become Free Lunchers
Amanpour: oh noe
Stockman: the debt is out of control
Pence: in this week Americans rejected liberalism and bailouts
Amanpour: but Republicans were behind the bailout
Pence: maybe but that was before - Republicans
are now against all domestic spending
Amanpour: how interesting
Stockman: criminy we put the GOP in charge and they wrecked everything - we need to take on Grannies, the Pentagon, and Scooter Manufacturers
Pence: the Axis of Evil
Stockman: we have a Credit Card Empire
Amanpour: what is that?
Stockman: its like a Boardwalk Empire after you’ve gone into a casino
Pence: we have to cut spending right now that a black Democrat is President
Stockman: we should raise taxes
Pence: no, no, no anything but that
Stockman: we can’t police the world with this deficit
Pence: if we raise taxes the rich will Go Galt and take the job-creating abilities to the Cayman Islands
Stockman: the Chinese are coming to take us over
Amanpour: why is so much American wealth going to the very rich?
Pence: hey those rich people create all the jobs - those people should get down on their knee and be grateful for the crumbs they get
Stockman: what a shithead
Amanpour: what happens now?
Podesta: Republicans have to offer real ideas
Amanpour: will there be compromise?
Dowd: the voters want action and results
so Congress and the White House will have to work together
Bayh: well that’s easy to say but the good moderates keep getting pushed aside by the bad activists
Dowd: Obama must credibly reach across the aisle - he has the megaphone therefore this is all his fault
Amanpour: what did all 100 million voters say Amy?
Walter: they said ‘we hate moderates - we want polarization!’
Walter: no they were saying ‘we want jobs’
Amanpour: I hear that
Will: liberals are under the delusion that they improved the economy
Podesta: they did
Podesta: but now that Obama has fixed the economy he must cut the debt
Bayh: voters want bland boring moderates with
Amanpour: how lucky for you
Bayh: yay me
Amanpour: now that Warren Buffet has embraced liberal ideas are progressive policies dead?
Podesta: Obama must offer Republicans something they want like a a payroll holiday or Fox News
in every home
Dowd: or the GOP could offer spending cuts
Bayh: voters care about one thing: cutting spending and the debt
Amanpour: I didn’t know that
Bayh: look at the UK they’re doing great with their austerity program
Will: the GOP care about the debt but they really care about lower taxes for rich people
Amanpour: are there any women left in politics?
Walter: sure Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Bachmann and Nikki Haley
Amanpour: oh my - should the Dems reelect Pelosi
Podesta: yes the GOP are scared of her
Bayh: um what [ staring at self in monitor ]