Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Tapper: Senator McCain why the fuck is the
Taliban winning after 9 fucking years of war??
McCain: well it turns out we wasted 8 years attacking the wrong country in Iraq but now is the time to get bogged down in another useless land war in Asia
Tapper: should Obama double the number of
troops in Afghanistan?
McCain: of course but what I worry about more
than anything else is the July 2011 withdraw date and also the lack of pudding
McCain: it sounds an uncertain trumpet
Tapper: I see
McCain: Our enemies won’t fear us if they
think we are ever leaving
Tapper: what kind of trumpet did Bush sound?
McCain: fuck Bush and Rummy - we need to
surge in Iraq and Afghanistan!
Tapper: oh ok
McCain: we should never withdraw until we win!
McCain: also things are going really badly in Afghanistan which means we should never leave
Tapper: but General Petraeus says he agrees with Obama’s policy - is he an idiot?
McCain: I know about warfare and the enemy will wait until we leave to unleash their dastardlyness
Tapper: should Obama fire Eikenberry?
McCain: Look we won in Iraq and we can do that
in Afghanistan if we just never leave
Tapper: are we going to stop the random killing
in the next 7 months
McCain: gee I sure hope so because it sucks now
Tapper: it seems like it
McCain: we can’t lose in Afghanistan because it would be bad for the region and the people want us there and also Taliban! Al-qaeda! 9/11!
Tapper: Michael Steele says Obama was crazy
for invading Afghanistan
McCain: I’m a Ronald Reagan Republican
Tapper: you’re a senile phony?
Tapper: what about corruption?
McCain: Look a few Congressmen are always going to take bribes that’s just how DC works
Tapper: I mean Afghanistan
McCain: oh that too
Tapper: Should we withdraw for Iraq or would
that be surrender?
McCain: oh now it’s a great idea - sure there are problems but they’ll work it out - it’s time declare victory and go home
Tapper: You were in favor of immigration reform and now that you’re in a primary with a Tea Party nut
McCain: 23,000 Mexicans have been killed in Arizona - there was no violence in 2007 and now Arizona is an Official Human Smuggling Area
McCain: I invite the President to come to Arizona and see what a living hell it is
Tapper: yeah I’ve seen the all-you-can-eat salad bars at 4:30 pm
McCain: I love those
Tapper: aren’t you pandering to the most racist elements of your party?
McCain: Phoenix is the number two kidnapping capital in the world
Tapper: dear god
McCain: in the last 48 months Arizona has turned in "Matlock: Beyond Thunderdome"!
Tapper: Dan is Michael Steele fucking insane?
Senor: he’s a Moveon.org surrendering loser! It’s indefensible!
Tapper: what’s the worst thing he did?
Senor: he’s unserious
Ramos: are we fully committed to that war or are we withdrawing?? It’s crazy!!
Tapper: the DNC says Steele is undermining
Krugman: that was stupid - their morale is undermined by being trapped in a useless war
Tapper: this is America’s longest war and we haven’t even gotten any nice beaches out of it!
Hunt: I’ll let you in on a little secret - everyone in
D.C. hates this stupid war
Tapper: except for McCain
Hunt: Steele is probably a Democratic mole
Tapper: so was Joe Lieberman
Tucker: the Republican party needed a black face and they don’t have a very deep minority bench -
it’s ironic since they always whine about affirmative action
Senor: hold on a minute - sure everyone knows the war is insane but it’s admirable that no one in DC is willing to say that because you must cheer the troops and the American Empire
Tapper: wow you really are nuts
Senor: [ waves foam finger ] USA! USA! USA!
Tapper: so we all agree that chair of the RNC is certifiable
Panel: oh yeah absolutely
Tapper: In June we lost 125,000 jobs - what’s
going on Paul?
Krugman: we need more stimulus and I said so and I was proven fucking right
Krugman: and it’s going to fade out soon - jesus shit
Tapper: are we going to double dip the chip?
Krugman: it won’t be a “recession” technically it
will be “Giant Bummer”
Tapper: can we get a new stimulus?
Tucker: are you fucking kidding? We can’t even get them to pass unemployment extension!
Tapper: good point
Tucker: of course the GOP want economic failure - but the Dems stupidity here is puzzling
Tapper: but the deficit!
Tucker: no one gives a shit about the goddamm deficit!
Senor: but look at Greece!
Tapper: it’s a beautiful country where the women are sexy and men are hot
Stephanoplous: that’s true
Senor: ok how about Japan - who would live there!?
Krugman: Senor is lying his ass off
Senor: we need to cut taxes!
Krugman: [ smacks forehead ]
Cripes cutting spending now would be batshit insane - borrowing 500 billion now help and worrying about at debt of 20.5 trillion is crazy!
Tapper: go Paul go!
Krugman: They’re insincere! In the long run we’re all fucking dead!
Hunt: the stimulus was a bunch of bank bailouts and helping car companies which was terrible
Tapper: did the stimulus fail?
Krugman: half stimulus is worse than nothing because you can’t get another one later! Motherfuckers!
Tapper: oh my
Krugman: the world is panicking over
Invisible Bond Zombies!
Tapper: Roger Moore and George Lazenby?
Krugman: Ireland made savage cuts and the debt is still high but guess what - their economy shrank!
Tucker: the worst way to cut the debt is to keep people unemployed and Obama is sending mixed messages
Senor: you may be right but greedy people
are worried the debt
Krugman: he’s lying again!
Tapper: we all know that
Krugman: Reagan fucked up but he stuck to his guns while Obama splits the difference - shit!
Ramos: Obama broke his promise - now I know he’s doesn’t have 60 votes in the Senate but we’re frustrated and something needs to be done
Hunt: he’s trying for Hispanic votes now - and in his defense the GOP are lunatics
Hunt: immigrants don’t come here to commit crimes -- John McCain is either lying or insane
Tapper: or both
Senor: Sure McCain is a cynical bastard but when Obama was a Senator personally wrecked a Kennedy-McCain bill
Tapper: wow he really was powerful
Senor: the best thing for Hispanics would be a Republican majority
Hunt: I’d like to point out that Senor
Tucker: I would also like to echo that Dan Senor is lying
Krugman: what she said
Tapper: well he probably is - thanks for watching