Sunday, April 18, 2010

This Week on ABC - April 18, 2010

Jake Tapper
Bill Clinton
Tapper: You started a debate about how lunatics are threatening violence which we were never talking about before

Clinton: indeed

Tapper: Rush Limbaugh says by pointing out the crazy things people are saying any violence will
be your fault

Clinton: that’s fucking crazy

Tapper: but he’s so credible

Clinton: by saying Idaho should secede they create a climate where people wear flag hats and claim Obama is an arab

Tapper: maybe Idaho should secede - their only resources are potatoes and white supremacists

Clinton: and the next thing you know you have American tragedies like Oklahoma City and the decline of John McCain

Tapper: is this like 1994?

Clinton: yes we provoked violence back then by ending trickle down economics and in 2008 by putting a black guy in the White House

Tapper: you are digitizing the entire world with your CGI Intitiative - will we all live on Pandora?

Clinton: no - although that would be cool

Tapper: where are your charities helping?

Clinton: we are trying to save devastated areas like Haiti, West Africa, Rhode Island and Syracuse

Tapper: wow that’s bold

Clinton: we’re installing solar lanterns in India

Tapper: Solar Lantern would be a cool
comic character

Clinton: awesome

Tapper: how do you get business to give
away money?

Clinton: Pfizer has a monopoly on a life saving drug and they realized they were losing out on a huge market of poor sick dying people

Tapper: they are filled with humanitarianism

Clinton: I appealed to their innate selfishness

Tapper: good idea - how do you deal with
rampant corruption?

Clinton: I was recently in a place where there were many poor people sleeping on the streets with a few rich people in government-paid limousines - the problem was no one in the whole nation even expect decent jobs, housing or health care

Tapper: were you in Somalia?

Clinton: no Washington DC

Tapper: What advice would you give Obama on choosing a Supreme Court justice?

Clinton: Hey Democrats allowed a vote on psychos like Clarence Thomas and Scalia - Obama might as well appoint a lesbian Native American Wiccan Communist

Tapper: but that would be divisive

Clinton: like Bush v. Gore? Fuck ‘em all

Tapper: so who would be a good choice?

Clinton: someone who has not been a judge?

Tapper: like who

Clinton: a county judge

Tapper: anyone else?

Clinton: someone with a big brain like Mario Cuomo

Tapper: well why not Bill Clinton

Clinton: I don’t think so - there’s no action on
the Court Tapper!

Tapper: Hatch wants your wife

Clinton: well so do I - but she’s too old

Tapper: Was Rubin wrong to deregulate the banks?

Clinton: no the problem is Bush crushed the SEC

Tapper: what about derivatives?

Clinton: it turned out that rich people are incredibly stupid and willing to bring down an entire system for a little money

Tapper: how do we get peace in the Middle East?

Clinton: we need a Palestinian state

Tapper: that would help

Clinton: hell the UAE is building a carbon-neutral city but all we can talk about is the Israel-Palestinian problem - it’s fucking annoying

Tapper: Obama enacted health care reform - do you get any credit?

Clinton: hell yes - we got a bill out of committee but then Bill Kristol killed it because he’s the biggest prick in the universe

Tapper: true enough
by Culture of Truth

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