Sunday, April 05, 2009

Meet The Press - April 5, 2009

Meet the Press
April 5, 2009
Guest: Fritz Henderson, CEO of General Motors

Gregory: OMG President Obama says GM totally sucks!!

Henderson: in our defense we could thrive if we had billions in free money

Gregory: you've been at GM for 25 years - what's your fucking problem?

Henderson: hey it's a bit of a learning curve

Gregory: GM has lost tens of billions - was Wagoner incompetent?

Henderson: maybe but he was a hell of a nice white guy

Gregory: what went wrong with GM?

Henderson: we need to forget our mistakes and
begin moving forward being robust

Gregory: is there double-standard between
you and the banks

Henderson: of course there is but what are you going to do?

Gregory: but Bob Corker said the Pandora's
Box of fascism has been opened!

Henderson: it was very difficult for us to go on welfare

Gregory: look the reality is Obama is a fascist - now say it!!!

Henderson: Obama told me not to

Gregory: GM sucks - but you've been there 25 years!!

Henderson: look i've run every aspect of the company so only i can fix it

Gregory: really??

Henderson: fuck if I know

Gregory: why not just declare bankruptcy?

Henderson: oh that's no fun

Gregory: you shrewdly put older executives on medicare - surely you must do the same for unions??

Henderson: maybe

Gregory: oh c'mon just say it!

Henderson: all right you forced me

Gregory: how can you and I work together to
destroy the unions?

Henderson: see me in the green room

Gregory: people think GM cars totally suck

Henderson: that's true

Gregory: so what you are you going to do?

Henderson: there's no magic - we just sell cars
one at a time

Gregory: that's kind of stupid

Henderson: hey Dave - want to buy a car?

Gregory: no - now why don't you work for a dollar a year?

Henderson: why don't you?

Gregory: [spit take ] jesus are you serious!

Henderson: I make a million a year

Gregory: crap I could never live on so little

Henderson: i'm clipping coupons

Gregory: how do you win consumers back?

Henderson: two words: big fins

Gregory: you are the worst spokesman ever

Henderson: yeah i know

Gregory: you're like the lead guy at a Boring Man Festival

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG North Korea fired a nuclear rocket at Japan!!

Obama: North Korea broke the rules!!

Kay: like the rules in Hiroshima?

Dave: good one katty

Gregory: China says remain calm and would you like MSG

Kay: North Korea demands attention - they're telling
the world they're not going to be ignored!!

Gregory: wow

Kay: President Hu will be involved

Dave: who?

Kay: Hu

Dave: who?

Kay: what?

Dave: Watt?

Gregory: Is Obama like the Superman in Superman IV - is he going to ride the world of all nuclear weapons?

Harwood: right he's both good and evil

Gregory: Bibi says the messianic crazy people should not have nukes

Kay: well Bush is out of office

Harwood: we have to decide who's scarier - North Korea or Iran

Gregory: How do we handle a girl named Israel?

Gerson: Weaponization is easy - comedy is hard

Dave: I do it week after week

Gregory: Obama has a weird approach to foreigners
- he listens to them instead of killing them

Gerson: fuck him

Rogers: it's almost as if after Reagan, Bush I,
Clinton and Bush II we decided to elect a man without dementia or psycho-sexual hangups

Gregory: interesting

Rogers: he's pushing his stimulus and his big package

Obama: America is dismissive, derisive, and arrogant - but the French are just assholes

Europe: zat ees true

Kay: Obama could elected Premier of Europe if wanted

Gregory: and Africa and Asia too

Kay: Obama failed utterly to get more than 5,000 more troops

Gerson: i was impressed by the Obamas' grace
but he failed to push those snooty Euro-trash bastards around

Gregory: hey you worked for Bush!

Gerson: yeah well it's easy to be popular when you aren't an asshole

Harwood: he's making first downs and slow and steady progress with no fumbles

Gregory: he's going to talk turkey to the
middle east next in Istanbul

Kay: indeed

Gregory: it's a paradox - i want to bash Obama
but he went after al qaeda

Ramo: the lesson of the Bush administation is
that you can't beat terrorists by bombing them

Gregory: so we wasted the last 8 years?

Gerson: that's true - but let me invoke Saint Petraeus to salvage Stupid's reputation - it was really Bush who tried diplomacy

Ramo: umm dude that is total bullshit

Kay: Obama's cheating by having good ideas on terrorism

Gregory: it's quite fascinating

Rogers: he's like robot or a genetically enhanced human

Gerson: oh sure invoke reality - i hate all you people

Gregory: good point mikey

Gregory: Obama has failed to achieve world peace and prosperity

Harwood: actually the Dow is up Dancin' Dave

Gregory: but, but, but, they only spent a
trillion dollars - isn't Obama a failure?

Rogers: criminy David the nations have already
spent money from their own stimulus bills now!

Gregory: but, but, but, don't other nations
totally suck because we suck?

Rogers: the American people have too many credit cards

Gerson: i totally agree - but this week was a
real win for the new international Superstar, Gordon Brown

Kay: jesus you are a shit head

Gregory: will China now control the world currency?

Ramo: i live in China and I can tell you that
Tim Geithner met with our loan officer in China and they offered us good terms

Gregory: nice

Ramo: Chinese blogs say they need to unscrew the U.S. economy

Gregory: oh noe!

Gregory: we've lost 5 million jobs!

Rogers: yes but the good news is that the numbers
are worse than ever before

Gregory: thank god

Rogers: also the good news is that actually 15 million are unemployed

Gregory: ok

Rogers: now Obama must win over conservatives Republicans

Gregory: I noticed Obama has failed on this

Gerson: [ high pitched voice, wild hand gestures ]
indeed this was a failed week for Obama !!!

Kay: you're like a less masculine mitt romney

Gregory: let me quote yes another conservative David Brooks

Harwood: Bobo and Gerson are all right - firing
Rick Wagoner was so risky now that Obama owns this problem

Gregory: we live in an era where people hate high CEO salaries

Ramo: yes - if by 'era' you mean 'one week'

Gregory: let me ask Michael Gerson about Bob Corker

Gerson: jesus Dave even I think you're in the tank
for the GOP - Obama had to take on big business

Gregory: will no one bash Obama but me??

Rogers: Obama is doing the right thing

Kay: sorry dancin' dave i think Obama is right here

Gregory: [ weeps openly ]

Gregory: today we celebrate two rites of spring -
the cherry blossom festival and Karl Rove and I will
interpret Stravinsky's Le Sacre du Printemps on the White House Oval - don't miss it!!


Douglas Watts said...

YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


thank you.

Doug Watts

Douglas Watts said...


To my personal "best of list' --

Kroft: do you like being President?

Obama: yes I spend most of the day calling old high school friends and say “what are you up to? I’m the motherfucking President!!”


Don't know how you do it ...

David said...

Great stuff. Keep it up.