April 26, 2009
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs
King Abdullah II of Jordan
Gregory: talk swine flu to me gibby
Gibbs: Barack follows it avidly
Gregory: when do we start rounding up americans?
Gibbs: probably next week
Gregory: I don't get Obama - why doesn't he just pronounce guilt or innocence at his podium and dispense with all this justice crap?
Gibbs: hey dancin dave the President doesn't get to decide that
Gregory: whoa whoa whoa - Barack opened the door to prosecuting former Bush officials who are very nice people
Gibbs: dude the door is always open when
you're a crook
Gregory: but shouldn't the door sometimes be closed?
Gibbs: hey Obama thinks prosecutions
shouldn't be politicized
Gregory: so Obama has politicized this by not politicizing it
Gibbs: um what
Gregory: crazy leftist liberal bloggers believe in accountability which is just insane
Gregory: should we just blame Democrats for not stopping Republicans for doing stupid evil things
Gibbs: pretty much sums it up
Gregory: George Tenet says we only tortured bad swarthy guys
Gibbs: has he looked in a mirror?
Gregory: does terrorism work?
Gibbs: Dave you must have misplaced the slide where experts says torture doesn't work and hurts America
Gregory: but Dick Cheney says-
Gibbs: stop right there
[ smacks Gregory ]
ok go on
Gregory: Cheney says there super secret memos that say torture works!
Gibbs: oh ok let's play that - we'll be releasing more memos and believe me dave dick won't like it
Gregrory: no no you misunderstood i only want you to release dick's memos
Gregory: so would Obama have tortured terrorists or thrown them a party
Gibbs: i heard you were an idiot
Gregory: first 100 days?
Gibbs: that’s in the past - we're focused on the next 100 days fucker!
Gregory: wow you really are disciplined
Gibbs: rick santelli yelled about Obama and you offered to read to him
Gibbs: yeah I’m having fun
[ break ]
Gregory: give me your impression of Obama
Abdullah: sorry i don't do impressions - i'm a king
Abdullah: Obama is awesome of course
Gregory: you hated Stupid didn’t you
Abdullah: not just him - his whole Team of Assholes
Gregory: Bush was great President
Abdullah: no he was a destructive moron
Gregory: talk mideast to me
Abdullah: the core problem is the israeli-palestinian conflict
Gregory: not swarthy terrorists?
Abdullah: not really
Gregory: this idea that al qaeda will go away if
you make peace in the mideast - isn't that just a silly fantasy??
Abdullah: are you talking down to me fluffyhead?
Gregory: are you all happy to have a muslim US President?
Abdullah: yeah it's great
Gregory: what is the image of the US out there in crazyland?
Abdullah: the USA very popular
Abdullah: actually yes
Gregory: did american lose its moral bearings
Abdullah: yes in 1620
Gregory: was American torture torture?
Abdullah: um yes
Gregory: does torture work?
Abdullah: if this interview is any indication - then yes
Gregory: have you ever tortured anyone
Abdullah: not as many you have Greggers
Gregory: reports are that Jordan tortured under the CIA's "Wink and Nod Program"
Abdullah: if I answered that i'd have to kill you
Audience: do it do it
Gregory: should America cover up all our crimes?
Abdullah: yes that would make sense after invading Iraq because it tortured people
Gregory: what is Iran's goal?
Abdullah: they want to be the Policemen of the Gulf
Gregory: wow then what
Abdullah: Syria is the Indian Chief, Jordan is the Construction worker, Israel is the Cowboy, Iraq is the Soldier, Lebanon is the Biker and we have Middle East Village People
Gregory: [ hums “macho man”; starts dancing ]
Abdullah: stop that
Gregory: sorry I got carried away
Gregory: Bibi says a messianic cult shouldn't have nukes
Abdullah: i thought Bush left office
Gregory: should we attack Iran?
Abdullah: yeah that wouldn't be stupid at all
Gregory: Vincent Price was on this show in 1969 expressing his fears for middle east peace
Abdullah: and he was right!
Gregory: we need a robust paradigm shift going forward
Abdullah: only an American President can get palestinians and israelis to hate each other in a productive way
Gregory: what about India and Pakistan
Abdullah: oh Obama needs to solve that too
Gregory: you gave the President a set of gold daggers
Abdullah: i'm giving you some with my eyes right now
Gregory: do you have anything else for me?
Abdullah: look dave a solid gold toilet seat
[ heaves it from behind desk ]
Gregory: aw you shouldn't have
Abdullah: i saw it and thought of you
[ break ]
Gregory: what have learned about Obama
Goodwin: that he loves being the motherfuckin' president!
Gregory: he really is leading - it's weird
Meachem: he's running a countercultural Presidency - the Age of Obama is Time of Patience in Danger
Gregory: but isn't he trying to do much?
Goodwin: no you must seize the carp
Gregory: suddenly people are hopeful it's amazing
Meachem: the american people are mature and sophisticated
Gregory: are you talking about the US??
Goodwin: Obama has changed the mood of the entire nation
Gregory: no real leadership is to stand up to the left wing and tell them the rule of law doesn't matter
Meachem: what we need to do is tell the liberal bloggers to sit down and shut up and find two doddering old conservative white men to fix everything
Goodwin: Obama doesn't want us talking about torture he want to talk about something important like the nfl draft
Meachem: i disagree - i think that mature thing to do is to look back and make excuses for Bush and compare him to Lincoln and FDR
Goodwin: if i nail Obama i'll have slept with every President since Eisenhower
Gregory: well good luck with that doris