Meet The Press - February 15, 2009

Meet The Press
February 15, 2009
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Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus

Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe

Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?

Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time

Gregory: two birds one stone

Axelrod: right

Gregory: will this prevent unemployment reaching 10.0%??

Axelrod: maybe - let's face it, Stupid really fucked up

Gregory: i have some shocking news - McCain's advisor doesn't like your plan

Axelrod: holy shit! [ jumps out window ]

Gregory: come back!

Axelrod: ok [ climbs back in ]

Gregory: Paul Krugman says you're not spending enough

Axelrod: we have a Goldilocks Bill

Gregory: not too much and not little?

Axelrod: exactly it's just right

Gregory: what if you fail?

Axelrod: maybe I'll take your job Greggers

Gregory: The Economist magazine says your bill spend on pork instead of job creation

Axelrod: unlike throwing $9 billion out of an airplane

Gregory: but that was before when money was free

Axelrod: oh right i forgot

Gregory: what else?

Axelrod: we're going to cut taxes and rebuild schools

Gregory: but you're depending on a psychological bounce - while the media is determined to destroy you

Axelrod: but then you'll lose your jobs too!

Gregory: we don't think that far ahead

Gregory: Republicans say your bill was not Republican enough

Axelrod: such a shame - one more GOP bill and we would be invaded by Micronesia

Gregory: also they said you spend you too much

Axelrod: i never heard much about 'generational theft' when the GOP was spending like drunken sailors on tax cuts for their rich friends

Gregory: would you concede it was a mistake to let Democrats write this bill

Axelrod: on sure maybe we should have let Lindsey Graham write it - then it would have really really big debts and higher taxes on poor people

Gregory: now you're talking!

Axelrod: i was kidding Dancin’ Dave

Gregory: Speaking of Republican objections to the bill -

Axelrod: were we?

Gregory: yes - buried in the bill you will have 15 people who will destroy doctors and patients all across America

Axelrod: yes that's exactly what computerized records will do

Gregory: but the Star Chamber Medical Council is allowed to sieze kidneys from people off the street!!!

Axelrod: only white people

Gregory: why you do hate the Chinese and India?

Axelrod: they give me heartburn

Gregory: Wall Street bonuses?

Axelrod: we're not terribly worried about the politcal fallout of going after ovrepaid exectives

Gregory: so sad

Gregory: talk to me about rescuing banks and your idiot puppet Geithner

Axelrod: so the Dow dropped who cares what those idiots think this is all their fault

Gregory: but no one knows what your plan is

Axelrod: it's a secret

Gregory: Nationalize banks?

Axelrod: you mean like the FDIC?

Gregory: never heard of it

Gregory: Should all Americans get a free house?

Axelrod: home values are going down which is very sad

Gregory: but the overvalued homes!

Axelrod: it's a tough problem

Gregory: also should Auto companies go on welfare?

Axelrod: why not bikes or skateboards or shoe companies?

Gregory: Can America survive GM going bankrupt?

Axelrod: only if the unions agree to work for $5 an hour

Gregory: Judd Gregg bravely ran away - what happened

Axelrod: it turned out we wanted a free Democratic seat and he wanted to count only white people in the next census

Gregory: irreconiliable differnces

Gregory: who will get dumped in Commerce?

Axelrod: well he hates Harold Ford - so maybe him

Gregory: Dick Cheney says you love terrorists, hate America, and are too naive to electrify someone's testicles

Axelrod: so much to fun to hear from Dick again - no wonder people hate him so

Gregory: are you having fun being near-President

Axelrod: yeah but i have to stop watching cable tv - it's rotting my brain

Gregory: OMG Obama was the big winner of the week! And he was the Loser of the Week!!

Robinson: oh fer gawd's sake he got an $800 billion spending bill through Congress!!

Gregory: last Sunday everyone in D.C. wrote Obama off - did we speak too soon?

Brownstein: of course this is an amazing achievement - only the pundits could freak out because he didn't get enough GOP votes

Simon: Look Obama had a big win and Obama wins by being rejected by the GOP

Gregory: whoa that's crazy

Straseel: well now we see how the GOP will proceed - thanking Obama for reaching out to them and whining and crying to the media

Gregory: Obama believes in government and the GOP does not

Robinson: it's absurd and insane

Brownstein: for god's sake this week they voted for an alternative bill that would have cost more!!!

Gregory: but that's Bush's very successful policy - ha just kidding

Brownstein: right - we should have an election on that - ha ha

Strassel: no fair people love tax cuts and Obama is the real hypocrite for spending more

Greogry: oh?

Strassel: People are talking about the deficit - it's the next big story

Brownstein: which people?

Strassel: the people I hang out with

Brownstein: where's that?

Strassel: the Starbucks next door to teh Cato Institute

Simon: i hear you but for god's sake the debt is not the biggest problem right now

Robinson: people who have lost their jobs don't care about the fucking debt

Brownstein: obama has things he wants to achieve but also is willing to change tactics to get what he wants

Gregory: fascinating - he's the unBush!

Strassel: Obama failed but not working with liberals

Gregory: he got every vote in Congress

Strassel: but liberal bloggers still aren't happy

Simon: the bank bailout rewards bad behavior

Gregory: well i work for cable news so i can relate to to that

Simon: people hate this process

Gregory: yeah but the populists are wrong - we must reward the Fucktards

Robinson: we must punish the fucktards a little

Brownstein: the real choice America faces is between Japanese Models and Swedish Models

Gregory: plaid miniskirts or bikinis?

Brownstein: these are incredible times

Gregory: how come no one can make any money in America??

Simon: Even Biden thinks we might fail

Robinson: America has dug a whole since 1981 and it won't be easy to get out

Gregory: those were fun times

Gregory: are Americans prepared to get work in sweatshops for a generation?

Brownstein: yes but only people under 75