Sunday, February 15, 2009

Meet The Press - February 15, 2009

Meet The Press
February 15, 2009

Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus

Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe

Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?

Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time

Gregory: two birds one stone

Axelrod: right

Gregory: will this prevent unemployment reaching 10.0%??

Axelrod: maybe - let's face it, Stupid really fucked up

Gregory: i have some shocking news - McCain's advisor doesn't like your plan

Axelrod: holy shit! [ jumps out window ]

Gregory: come back!

Axelrod: ok [ climbs back in ]

Gregory: Paul Krugman says you're not spending enough

Axelrod: we have a Goldilocks Bill

Gregory: not too much and not little?

Axelrod: exactly it's just right

Gregory: what if you fail?

Axelrod: maybe I'll take your job Greggers

Gregory: The Economist magazine says your bill spend on pork instead of job creation

Axelrod: unlike throwing $9 billion out of an airplane

Gregory: but that was before when money was free

Axelrod: oh right i forgot

Gregory: what else?

Axelrod: we're going to cut taxes and rebuild schools

Gregory: but you're depending on a psychological bounce - while the media is determined to destroy you

Axelrod: but then you'll lose your jobs too!

Gregory: we don't think that far ahead

Gregory: Republicans say your bill was not Republican enough

Axelrod: such a shame - one more GOP bill and we would be invaded by Micronesia

Gregory: also they said you spend you too much

Axelrod: i never heard much about 'generational theft' when the GOP was spending like drunken sailors on tax cuts for their rich friends

Gregory: would you concede it was a mistake to let Democrats write this bill

Axelrod: on sure maybe we should have let Lindsey Graham write it - then it would have really really big debts and higher taxes on poor people

Gregory: now you're talking!

Axelrod: i was kidding Dancin’ Dave

Gregory: Speaking of Republican objections to the bill -

Axelrod: were we?

Gregory: yes - buried in the bill you will have 15 people who will destroy doctors and patients all across America

Axelrod: yes that's exactly what computerized records will do

Gregory: but the Star Chamber Medical Council is allowed to sieze kidneys from people off the street!!!

Axelrod: only white people

Gregory: why you do hate the Chinese and India?

Axelrod: they give me heartburn

Gregory: Wall Street bonuses?

Axelrod: we're not terribly worried about the politcal fallout of going after ovrepaid exectives

Gregory: so sad

Gregory: talk to me about rescuing banks and your idiot puppet Geithner

Axelrod: so the Dow dropped who cares what those idiots think this is all their fault

Gregory: but no one knows what your plan is

Axelrod: it's a secret

Gregory: Nationalize banks?

Axelrod: you mean like the FDIC?

Gregory: never heard of it

Gregory: Should all Americans get a free house?

Axelrod: home values are going down which is very sad

Gregory: but the overvalued homes!

Axelrod: it's a tough problem

Gregory: also should Auto companies go on welfare?

Axelrod: why not bikes or skateboards or shoe companies?

Gregory: Can America survive GM going bankrupt?

Axelrod: only if the unions agree to work for $5 an hour

Gregory: Judd Gregg bravely ran away - what happened

Axelrod: it turned out we wanted a free Democratic seat and he wanted to count only white people in the next census

Gregory: irreconiliable differnces

Gregory: who will get dumped in Commerce?

Axelrod: well he hates Harold Ford - so maybe him

Gregory: Dick Cheney says you love terrorists, hate America, and are too naive to electrify someone's testicles

Axelrod: so much to fun to hear from Dick again - no wonder people hate him so

Gregory: are you having fun being near-President

Axelrod: yeah but i have to stop watching cable tv - it's rotting my brain

Gregory: OMG Obama was the big winner of the week! And he was the Loser of the Week!!

Robinson: oh fer gawd's sake he got an $800 billion spending bill through Congress!!

Gregory: last Sunday everyone in D.C. wrote Obama off - did we speak too soon?

Brownstein: of course this is an amazing achievement - only the pundits could freak out because he didn't get enough GOP votes

Simon: Look Obama had a big win and Obama wins by being rejected by the GOP

Gregory: whoa that's crazy

Straseel: well now we see how the GOP will proceed - thanking Obama for reaching out to them and whining and crying to the media

Gregory: Obama believes in government and the GOP does not

Robinson: it's absurd and insane

Brownstein: for god's sake this week they voted for an alternative bill that would have cost more!!!

Gregory: but that's Bush's very successful policy - ha just kidding

Brownstein: right - we should have an election on that - ha ha

Strassel: no fair people love tax cuts and Obama is the real hypocrite for spending more

Greogry: oh?

Strassel: People are talking about the deficit - it's the next big story

Brownstein: which people?

Strassel: the people I hang out with

Brownstein: where's that?

Strassel: the Starbucks next door to teh Cato Institute

Simon: i hear you but for god's sake the debt is not the biggest problem right now

Robinson: people who have lost their jobs don't care about the fucking debt

Brownstein: obama has things he wants to achieve but also is willing to change tactics to get what he wants

Gregory: fascinating - he's the unBush!

Strassel: Obama failed but not working with liberals

Gregory: he got every vote in Congress

Strassel: but liberal bloggers still aren't happy

Simon: the bank bailout rewards bad behavior

Gregory: well i work for cable news so i can relate to to that

Simon: people hate this process

Gregory: yeah but the populists are wrong - we must reward the Fucktards

Robinson: we must punish the fucktards a little

Brownstein: the real choice America faces is between Japanese Models and Swedish Models

Gregory: plaid miniskirts or bikinis?

Brownstein: these are incredible times

Gregory: how come no one can make any money in America??

Simon: Even Biden thinks we might fail

Robinson: America has dug a whole since 1981 and it won't be easy to get out

Gregory: those were fun times

Gregory: are Americans prepared to get work in sweatshops for a generation?

Brownstein: yes but only people under 75


Ted said...

Obama’s stealing the census from Congress has suddenly awakened and enraged the Republicans. Maybe this will arouse them as well to challenge Obama for stealing the Presidency itself. They surely know he is not an Article 2 “natural born citizen” (which is more than merely being a 14th Amendment “citizen”) by virtue of either Obama’s birth to a dad of Kenyan/British citizenship or birth in Kenya itself — as manifested by his unwillingness to supply his long form birth certificate now under seal.

Anonymous said...

No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President

Ted is right bitches! Obama was clearly an unnatural born Citizen! Just like the guys who fixed my roof, they were beamed in from outer space.

Hey! Why apply a plain meaning to the Constitution when we can have flying Freeper monkeys like Ted (BTW, Ted, the census is conducted by the Department of Commerce and not the Congress) interpreting it to mean the opposite of what it plainly says.

Long live the strict constructionists!

Anonymous said...

Nice opening exchange:

Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus

Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe

Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?

Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time

Gregory: two birds one stone

Axelrod: right


Great stuff,