Meet The Press
February 15, 2009
Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus
Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe
Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?
Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time
Gregory: two birds one stone
Gregory: will this prevent unemployment reaching 10.0%??
Axelrod: maybe - let's face it, Stupid really fucked up
Gregory: i have some shocking news - McCain's advisor doesn't like your plan
Axelrod: holy shit! [ jumps out window ]
Gregory: come back!
Axelrod: ok [ climbs back in ]
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you're not spending enough
Axelrod: we have a Goldilocks Bill
Gregory: not too much and not little?
Axelrod: exactly it's just right
Gregory: what if you fail?
Axelrod: maybe I'll take your job Greggers
Gregory: The Economist magazine says your bill spend on pork instead of job creation
Axelrod: unlike throwing $9 billion out of an airplane
Gregory: but that was before when money was free
Axelrod: oh right i forgot
Gregory: what else?
Axelrod: we're going to cut taxes and rebuild schools
Gregory: but you're depending on a psychological bounce - while the media is determined to destroy you
Axelrod: but then you'll lose your jobs too!
Gregory: we don't think that far ahead
Gregory: Republicans say your bill was not Republican enough
Axelrod: such a shame - one more GOP bill and we would be invaded by Micronesia
Gregory: also they said you spend you too much
Axelrod: i never heard much about 'generational theft' when the GOP was spending like drunken sailors on tax cuts for their rich friends
Gregory: would you concede it was a mistake to let Democrats write this bill
Axelrod: on sure maybe we should have let Lindsey Graham write it - then it would have really really big debts and higher taxes on poor people
Gregory: now you're talking!
Axelrod: i was kidding Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: Speaking of Republican objections to the bill -
Axelrod: were we?
Gregory: yes - buried in the bill you will have 15 people who will destroy doctors and patients all across America
Axelrod: yes that's exactly what computerized records will do
Gregory: but the Star Chamber Medical Council is allowed to sieze kidneys from people off the street!!!
Axelrod: only white people
Gregory: why you do hate the Chinese and India?
Axelrod: they give me heartburn
Gregory: Wall Street bonuses?
Axelrod: we're not terribly worried about the politcal fallout of going after ovrepaid exectives
Gregory: so sad
Gregory: talk to me about rescuing banks and your idiot puppet Geithner
Axelrod: so the Dow dropped who cares what those idiots think this is all their fault
Gregory: but no one knows what your plan is
Axelrod: it's a secret
Gregory: Nationalize banks?
Axelrod: you mean like the FDIC?
Gregory: never heard of it
Gregory: Should all Americans get a free house?
Axelrod: home values are going down which is very sad
Gregory: but the overvalued homes!
Axelrod: it's a tough problem
Gregory: also should Auto companies go on welfare?
Axelrod: why not bikes or skateboards or shoe companies?
Gregory: Can America survive GM going bankrupt?
Axelrod: only if the unions agree to work for $5 an hour
Gregory: Judd Gregg bravely ran away - what happened
Axelrod: it turned out we wanted a free Democratic seat and he wanted to count only white people in the next census
Gregory: irreconiliable differnces
Gregory: who will get dumped in Commerce?
Axelrod: well he hates Harold Ford - so maybe him
Gregory: Dick Cheney says you love terrorists, hate America, and are too naive to electrify someone's testicles
Axelrod: so much to fun to hear from Dick again - no wonder people hate him so
Gregory: are you having fun being near-President
Axelrod: yeah but i have to stop watching cable tv - it's rotting my brain
Gregory: OMG Obama was the big winner of the week! And he was the Loser of the Week!!
Robinson: oh fer gawd's sake he got an $800 billion spending bill through Congress!!
Gregory: last Sunday everyone in D.C. wrote Obama off - did we speak too soon?
Brownstein: of course this is an amazing achievement - only the pundits could freak out because he didn't get enough GOP votes
Simon: Look Obama had a big win and Obama wins by being rejected by the GOP
Gregory: whoa that's crazy
Straseel: well now we see how the GOP will proceed - thanking Obama for reaching out to them and whining and crying to the media
Gregory: Obama believes in government and the GOP does not
Robinson: it's absurd and insane
Brownstein: for god's sake this week they voted for an alternative bill that would have cost more!!!
Gregory: but that's Bush's very successful policy - ha just kidding
Brownstein: right - we should have an election on that - ha ha
Strassel: no fair people love tax cuts and Obama is the real hypocrite for spending more
Strassel: People are talking about the deficit - it's the next big story
Brownstein: which people?
Strassel: the people I hang out with
Brownstein: where's that?
Strassel: the Starbucks next door to teh Cato Institute
Simon: i hear you but for god's sake the debt is not the biggest problem right now
Robinson: people who have lost their jobs don't care about the fucking debt
Brownstein: obama has things he wants to achieve but also is willing to change tactics to get what he wants
Gregory: fascinating - he's the unBush!
Strassel: Obama failed but not working with liberals
Gregory: he got every vote in Congress
Strassel: but liberal bloggers still aren't happy
Simon: the bank bailout rewards bad behavior
Gregory: well i work for cable news so i can relate to to that
Simon: people hate this process
Gregory: yeah but the populists are wrong - we must reward the Fucktards
Robinson: we must punish the fucktards a little
Brownstein: the real choice America faces is between Japanese Models and Swedish Models
Gregory: plaid miniskirts or bikinis?
Brownstein: these are incredible times
Gregory: how come no one can make any money in America??
Simon: Even Biden thinks we might fail
Robinson: America has dug a whole since 1981 and it won't be easy to get out
Gregory: those were fun times
Gregory: are Americans prepared to get work in sweatshops for a generation?
Brownstein: yes but only people under 75