Sunday, August 19, 2007

Democratic Debate - Sunday, August 19, 2007

Democratic Debate
Des Moines, Iowa
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Host: George Stephanopoulos
Stephanopoulos: Sen. Clinton Is Obama to young and inexperienced?

Hillary: oh I'm not touching that one dood

Stephanopoulos: but you called him naive and irresponsible

Hillary: Obama gave away a total bargaining chip diplomacy is like playing poker you gotta know when to hold and when to fold em

Dodd (1%): words mean something and we might destabilize Musharraf if we go after al qaeda and we can’t risk doing that do it we need his help in going after al qaeda

Biden: Pakistan is New Most Dangerous Country in the World!! It's Jiahdist Central!

Richardson: hey I hang out with lunatic dictators all the time like at my birthday parties and stuff

Obama: Hillary is afraid to meet with our adversaries and i will -s he dosen'want to go after Osama and I do.

Also, she has a policy of lying to the American people, and I disagree - also I'm the agent of change, and she's totally part of the whole K street lobbyist corporate funding expess

Stephanopoulos: yur a nuke flip flopper

Clinton: no Bush wanted a Bunker Buster and i said no way dood but there are differences for instance I'm a woman and Bill Clinton was the first black president.

Obama: give me a fucking break

Edwards: look at how smooth and friendly and sweet I am I love everybody

Stephanopoulos: hypotheticals?

Edwards: i won't answer that but i would call on Superman to eliminate all nuclear weapons

[ applause ]

Gravel: we blew the shit out of Iraq and of course that means we should attack Iran - wow I feel like I'm in crazy-land

Richardson: a President should always be clear that's why no candidate should ever clearly answer a hypothetical question

Stephanopoulos: is Rove right Hillary is to negative to win?

Obama: i'm not red or blue and if your're tired of the meanness and division of the Clinton machine, then I'm YOUR GUY

Stephanopoulos: but she's our girl

Obama: I don't want to just win I want to govern well

Edwards: The Democrats won in 2006 cause we were for change

Stephanopoulos: but you weren't even part of that election

Edwards: look i speak sweetly but I will crush the lobbyists and smile while i do it

Clinton: ha ha ha ha Karl Rove is out to get me and why? Because the Clinton machine is vicious and they will fuck your shit up and if you want to win you go with us!!!

Stephanopoulos: but you're The Establishment

Clinton: no I take on the special interests

Stephanopoulos: name one and don't forget I know you

Clinton: I can't think of anything

Edwards: look I love Hillary - I'll never forget those six weeks in the summer of 1996 while Bill was off campaigning

Stephanopoulos: back on topic please

Edwards: oh right Hillary is hot but I've never forgiven her when I caught her in bed with a lobbyist

Dodd (1%): Public financing for campaigns and men's hair dye!

Biden: I'm the only one who cares about Iraq

Richardson: no i have a plan to dictate about how they should divide oil revenues

Biden: c'mon I developed a plan with Leslie Gelding to divide Iraq into little pieces and give them some breathing room and what about the innocents in the Green Zone???

Clinton: let me speak forcefully without actually saying anything specific like we should push the Iraqi government and leave carefully and do some diplomacy people don't like to hear that this is difficult but that's me - I speak vague truths!!

Stephanopoulos: remove all troops?

Clinton: we should move them really slowly I'm mean you ever hire professional movers??? You've got to wrap everything in bubble wrap and stuff

Gravel (0%) Um, what the fuck - Iraq is not our country who the hell are we to dictate to Iraq how they should live?

Stephanopoulos: that's a losing battle dood

Edwards: those Republicans are Bush on steroids!

Obama: can I talk?

Stephanopoulos: no we did you already

Richardson: let's just pull everyone out and watch Iraq explode from far away or add an All-Muslim Peacekeeping Force

Stephanopoulos: that's not a contradiction in terms

Biden: look i'm very depressed and I'll probably drop out soon but first I have to tell you that in our lifetime these people will never agree so we have to separate the angry parties

Stephanopoulos: you're a barrel of laughs

Biden: no there's more - our pals Turkey will attack and our friends of Saudis funding more war -

Stephanopoulos: solution?

Biden: We separated Vlad the Impaler and Frankenstein and things worked out well

Obama: let me point out i voted against the war and I point that out because you all talkin' about experience and what did that get you - shit city

Kucinich: defund the war and do it now

E-mail Q from Utah: Do you believe prayer can prevent bridges fall down?

Clinton: well hey i like prayer but you know pass the ammunition

Dodd: i doubt God makes hurricanes happen

Edwards: no you can't prevent a disaster thru prayer

Gravel: praying for war bums me out we need the love, man

Stephanopoulos: wow what drugs are you on

Bill: i'm a big Papist and when you're Catholic lately you have to pray a whole lot

Biden: you have to pray after disasters not before

Obama: prayer is awesome but the real lesson is to pray that you have the ability to act on shit you can control

Kucinich: dood I've been praying to god that you would call on me

Stephanopoulos: small farmers?

Dodd: i love 'em

Edwards: our trade policy is always about benefiting the Big Corporations and not the middle class

Clinton: since we're in Iowa let me bring up my 9- point plan for helping family farmers

Stephanopoulos: of course your prepared answer

Clinton: i'm pro-american -- notice i didn't say anything specific

Obama: no more subisidies for AgriBusiness

Video Q: Tell us all about your lies

Gravel: I can answer that the others are lying

Stephanopoulos: what about your lies

Gravel: i like Matlock!

Biden: dood i always speak my mind and i come from a slave state so you know it's true

Kucinich: the truth you need is on your shoulder

Obama: i'm against global warming but i keep my AC on even durning the winter

Stephanopoulos: what else

Obama: i hate Detroit

Edwards: dood obviously my vote on Iraq see i didn't admit at the time that i was secretly against it see I was right!!!

Clinton: i regret that Bush abused the permission I gave him

Stephanopoulos: for god's sake why

Clinton: he gave me a plastic turkey

Bill Richardson: if you need Saddam to ask the North Koreans to get us hostages from Syria I'm your guy

Dodd: i didn't filibuster over the whole torture law and i promise i will if i'm President

Q: Teachers?

Dodd: I’m against merit pay

Obama: try to get a buy-in from teachers on what they think it works after all no one else seems to give a shit about educating our nation's youth

Clinton: we should hve a school-wide incentive pay like a House Cup schools could play Quidditch and stuff and win new classrooms

Stephanopoulos: interesting

Clinton: technology in classrooms

Richardson: a federal minimum wage for teachers and scrap NCLB would also change the all classes and math and science and art and-

Stephanopoulos: enough

Gravel: Iran. No, not Iran, Spain. I mean France. Not Italy. Europe. Who are we going to nuke! Matlock! Three Loins in the Fountain!

Obama: my sister is a poorly paid teacher so I know

Kucinich: we need to have tv ads where a guy shakes his fathers hand and looks him the eye after he becomes a teacher

Biden: school administrators suck we should pay good teachers real money

Q: housing crisis?

Biden: this rabbitt hole is deep!

Obama: we need more regulation of unscrupulous lenders

Dennis: no more bailouts of big lenders the government should take over lending

Stephanopoulos: What is the decisive moment in your life?

Kucinich: i was living in a car and I said no way I want to help people

Obama: i grew up an angry young man and i said enough of this shit I got to get involved

Biden: the civil rights movement

Richardson: when my wife agreed to marry me

[ awwww ]

Gravel: when i learned Matlock was on 5 day a week

Edwards: my father did not go to college but he always tried to learn and that touched me

Dodd: when my Dad told me to run for office

Hillary: my Mom couldn't go to college but gave me the strength to tell Karl Rove to go fuck himself

Stephanopoulos: and that's it

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