Sunday, May 20, 2007

Meet The Press, May 20, 2007

Meet The Press, May 20, 2007


Dodd: when u have a military hammer everything looks like a country u can bomb the shit out of

Newtie: look at me im condescending and wrong all the time

Russert: yeah yeah

Newt: are we prepared to accept and legislate defeat look at i know how troops in combat think i played with a lot of toy soliders during vietnam

Russert: well there you go

Newt: we need to bomb Iran, North Korea, Waziristan, Hamas, Russia, Estonia, London and New Jersey

Tim: ok

Newt: the forces of freedom are on retreat!

Tim: scary

Newt: Malestrom of evil!

Tim: Dodd what if we left and Iraq got chaotic

Dodd: um dood iraq is not exactly Nantucket right now -- criminy's there a fucking civil war going on as we speak

Tim: interesting

Dodd: there is no military solution - yeah there could there be problems if we leave but America has been weakened and Chickenhawk Newt isn't helping

Newt: dood i wrote three fucking fictional novels so i know what i'm talking about!!

Tim: that makes him an expert Chris

Newt: we have a higher standard for Iraqi parliament than for Nancy Pelosi who sux here's what we should do -- we should win!!!

Russert: brilliant but how

Newt: easy Iraqi biometric id cards, more young republicans in Iraq, encourage iraqis to try really hard, also blockade the nation of Iran

Russert: well that sounds very simple

Dodd: oh yeah thats just great but the iraqis don't even want to fight this war for god's sake

Newt: iraq is not the heart of the war of terror - we need to fight the shia and sunni both want to destroy freedom as we know it - we can win this war like we did in WWII if really really wanted to

Russert: USA! USA!

Newt: we could lose an American city

Russert: can you imagine if we lost a city to bombing or flooding

Newt: we should never talk to iran or syria

Dodd: Reagan talked to the soviets

Newt: all right fine lets to talk to them but Reagan had a grand strategery involving the pope to take down the USSR

Russert: so impressive

Newt: this is just like America in 1776 would the French have given up on us if the colonies were in total chaos and thousands were being killed in random attacks and if French troops came to help us and several of them were killed every single day in attacks by colonials and Americans would never fight would the French have pulled out??

Dood: dood um for sure

Russert: firm date?

Newt: that would send sublimal messages to our troops to try to avoid getting killed and we can't have that

Russert: good point

Newt: look at Fort Dix terrorists will come here just as soon as their Frequent Terror Miles kick in

Dodd: i feel like I'm debating a total nutcase

Tim: thank you for yur civility - so Newtie r u running?

Newt: i have silver hair

Dood: dood my eyebrowz rule over u

[ commercial break ]

Brinkley: Reagan diaries are an invaluable resource for scientists studying an example of long mental decline

Russert: dood was too dependent on Nancy

Brinkley: yeah its cute

Deaver: she made him what he was - she was teh best supporting actress

Meese: she was his helpmate like eve with adam

Timmeh: awwwwwwwwww

Meese: she also ended drug use in America by appearing "Diff'rent Strokes"

Tim: he hated his grown kidz he had screaming fights with all three just because the Secret Service broke into their house

Russert: Reagan said getting shot hurts - owed his life to God

Deaver: unlike Reagan i didn't forget to duck

Meese: he said who's minding the store and we said don't worry Al Haig is in charge

Brinkley: he almost died and we could have had a Bush as President

Russert: can u imagine

Brinkley: he forgave Hinkley - when he found he he had a mental illness he emphathized

Russert: wuz he a tree worhsipper

Deaver: he worshipped redwoods and nancy worshipped him

Brinkley: he reviewed his debate dallies with Jack Warner

Meese: Reagan had a photographic memory for bullshit

Russert: Bitburg

Deaver: yeah that was my fault - he wanted to visit the set of Hogan's Heroes and that was the best i could do

Russert: he hated the press

Deaver: when Donaldson was around he liked to pretend he wuz deaf

Russert: Iran contra -- Reagan found out the law was broken was going to fire someone and changed his mind

Meese: Ollie North did all this without any of us knowing but trust me Reagan was completely ignorant

Russert: by 1987 was he senile?

Deaver: well really it was hard to tell

[ shows film of Reagan acknowledging scandal ]

Russert: classic Reagan - could never tell between fantasy and reality


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

teh funny dood