Sunday, December 20, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – December 20, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – December 20, 2015
Donald Trump
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT)

Stephanopoulos: omg we're in New 
Hampshire where the Democrats just 
a had a debate!

Stephanopoulos: oh boy the candidates 
were feisty!

Karl: omg Teams Sanders
stole some of Clinton's data

Sanders: I apologize

Clinton: let's move on

Stephanopoulos: wow

Karl: it was totally crazy George

Stephanopoulos: they clashed on 
foreign policy too!

Sanders: we're not the world's police!

Clinton: if we leave the middle east there
will be a vacuum and the last time a Hoover
was in charge it was a disaster

Stephanopoulos: they fought on 
corporate love!

Sanders: Wall Street ain't gonna like me!

Clinton: everyone should love me!

Stephanopoulos: oh some other 
guy was there too

O'Malley: you both love guns

Stephanopoulos: they all went after Trump

O'Malley: Trump is a fascist!

Sanders: he hates Muslims!

Clinton: he's the top recruiter for ISIS!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Donald Trump

Trump: nice to talk to you Jim

Stephanopoulos: Hillary says
you're ISIS' top recruiter

Trump: that's not true but if I were an ISIS
recruiter I would definitely be the top guy
because I can sell to anybody

Stephanopoulos: I see

Trump: she lied!

Stephanopoulos: so it's not true?

Trump: she just made it up!

Stephanopoulos: Sanders said
you called Mexicans rapists

Trump: also not true - I love the Mexicans!

Stephanopoulos: so Sanders also lied?

Trump: politicians all lie – that's why 
I don't like them

Stephanopoulos: but you lie all the time

Trump: that's not true!

Stephanopoulos: that's also a lie

Trump: no it's not

Stephanopoulos: no one cheered on
9/11 but you keep saying it happened

Trump: yes it did – it happened
all over the world

Stephanopoulos: but not in America

Trump: there were articles about
allegations about it therefore it's
a fact that I saw it on television

Stephanopoulos: you're lying again right now

Trump: don't tell me that you little pipsqueak

Stephanopoulos: you admire Vladimir
Putin but he invaded Ukraine

Trump: who gives a fuck about Ukraine?

Stephanopoulos: I care

Trump: Obama doesn't like
Putin which hurts America

Stephanopoulos: I see

Trump: I love Putin – frankly he's very nice

Stephanopoulos: fair enough

Trump: I accept his praise of
me on behalf of all of America

Stephanopoulos: so you believe 
world leaders need to get along for 
the good of America

Trump: exactly – this is why Obama is
a bad President – he is not friends with Putin

Stephanopoulos: but you have alienated 
at least two of our closest allies - 
Britain and Germany

Trump: fuck you twerp

Stephanopoulos: could you elaborate on that

Trump: Obama is foreign-born Muslim
who loves Muslims who all hate us and
want to attack us and kill us

Stephanopoulos: got it

Trump: Muslims flew planes
into the World Trade Center!

Stephanopoulos: we all know what happened

Trump: all their neighbors and families 
and friends knew what they were going 
to do and did not nothing

Stephanopoulos: perhaps

Trump: George you're a politically correct 
weasel and because of people like 
you we'll all get killed

Stephanopoulos: Putin murders journalists

Trump: who cares – the U.S. murders 
lots of people too!

Stephanopoulos: who does the U.S. murder?

Trump: Hillary Clinton murdered 
people in Libya!

Stephanopoulos: that's not murder

Trump: be fair to Putin – how do you 
know Vlad killed anyone?

Stephanopoulos: Mitt Romney said he did

Trump: that guy is a loser

Stephanopoulos: true

Trump: what's the proof my buddy 
Vlad killed anybody?

Stephanopoulos: there are allegations

Trump: he hasn't killed anyone you liar!

Stephanopoulos: how do you know that?

Trump: he's always denied it!

Stephanopoulos: oh okay then

Trump: he wasn't caught with a 
gun or anything!

Stephanopoulos: what killing has 
America done?

Trump: Bush and Cheney murdered 
lots of people!

Stephanopoulos: probably

Trump: Bush empowered Iran 
and created ISIS!

Stephanopoulos: that checks out

Trump: then we killed more people in Libya!

Stephanopoulos: okay but

Trump: the last Republican President was
incompetent and stupid and he ran our
country into the ground

Stephanopoulos: are you saying there's a
moral equivalence with Russia and the U.S.?

Trump: leave Putin alone! He's a great guy!

Stephanopoulos: you seem to determined
to defend Vladimir Putin

Trump: he totally denied it!

Stephanopoulos: who has 
America murdered?

Trump: George W. Bush murdered
lots of American soldiers

Stephanopoulos: that's quite a claim

Trump: we should just take the oil!

Stephanopoulos: I see

Trump: we're run by people
who don't have a clue

Stephanopoulos: arguably true

Trump: those idiots want to get us 
stuck in a stupid war in the Middle 
East – what morons!

Stephanopoulos: what would you do about ISIS?

Trump: invade the middle east and
stay there until we take all their oil!

Stephanopoulos: problem solved

Trump: Iran took Iraq's oil – it belongs to us!

Stephanopoulos: I'll just point out
Iran is backed by your friend Putin

Trump: Iran is backed by us because
we're going to lift sanctions on Iran

Stephanopoulos: you're referring
to the nuclear deal

Trump: we empowered Iran –
Russia is not empowering Iran!

Stephanopoulos: that's another lie

Trump: with $150 billion they can
buy all the nukes they want

Stephanopoulos: I can't tell if
you love Russia or not

Trump: we have empowered
Iran much more than Russia

Stephanopoulos: you cannot possibly 
be fucking serious

Trump: we didn't even get our prisoners back!

Stephanopoulos: Russia was part of that deal

Trump: because they're smart 
and we're dumb

Stephanopoulos: all right

Trump: they're selling Iran these
beautiful missiles – really classy stuff

Stephanopoulos: it's our fault Russia
is selling missiles to Iran?

Trump: of course!

Stephanopoulos: for real?

Trump: if I was Russia I would
have done that deal too!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Donald

Trump: fuck you loser

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Senator Sanders

Sanders: glad to be here David

Stephanopoulos: Donald Trump 
called you out

Sanders: I think he's a pathological liar

Stephanopoulos: pathological?

Sanders: yes

Stephanopoulos: strong words

Sanders: he said he saw it people in
New Jersey cheering on television

Stephanopoulos: right

Sanders: they archive stuff on tv right?

Stephanopoulos: I believe so

Sanders: so we know it never
happened and he keep saying it did 
and that's a pathology

Stephanopoulos: perhaps

Sanders: he called Mexicans criminals and rapists

Stephanopoulos: sort of

Sanders: people have legitimate fears of terrorism

Sanders: and he's blaming Muslims
which is terrible scapegoating

Stephanopoulos: then why is doing so well?

Sanders: he's a demagogue

Stephanopoulos: a buit

Sanders: he wants to keep poor
people down and play on fear of Muslims

Stephanopoulos: how do you combat that?

Sanders: explain to poor people this billionaire
is abusing their fears to give their 
money to rich people

Stephanopoulos: what about the data breach

Sanders: this was not the first time
it happened!

Stephanopoulos: do you have any evidence
Clinton took your information

Sanders: no but you never know

Stephanopoulos: you believe the DNC is
trying to sabotage your campaign

Sanders: what other word would you use?

Stephanopoulos: I dunno

Sanders: it was a total overreaction!

Stephanopoulos: I see

Sanders: they should have met with
us all said we have a problem let's not
bicker about who took information from who

Stephanopoulos: how will you pay
for free college for everyone?

Sanders: tax Wall Street

Stephanopoulos: okay

Sanders: we're going to build bridges
and roads by taxing offshore corporations

Stephanopoulos: and expand health care

Sanders: yes and have paid family leave

Stephanopoulos: how do you pay for it?

Sanders: tax everyone $1.61

Stephanopoulos: how are you different
on foreign policy from Clinton?

Sanders: I disagree on no-fly zone in Syria

Stephanopoulos: all right then

Sanders: this is a battle for the soul of Islam!

Stephanopoulos: whoa

Sanders: Qatar is rich and they
can pay for destroying ISIS

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Bernie

Sanders: you too Jack

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