Guests:
Sen.
Marco Rubio (R-FL)
John
Kerry – Secretary of State
Ted
Koppel
Helene
Cooper
Jerry
Seib
Molly
Ball
Todd:
omg 50 days to the first
vote of the 2016 election!
Todd:
Trump leads nationally but Ted Cruz
and
Marco Rubio are coming up fast
Todd:
Jeb Bush is a 7%
Todd:
Cruz has 31% in Iowa!
Todd:
it's a three-way race with two
crazies
and one semi-normal human
Todd:
weclome Marco Rubio
Rubio:
what up Chuck
Todd:
Donald Trump has
called
for banning all muslims
Rubio:
Trump reminds us that people
are
scared and worried because
Obama
is a bad President
Todd:
you said Trump is offensive and outlandish
Rubio:
it's not practical to ban muslims
– besides
we need them to turn in their
radical
family members
Todd:
right
Rubio:
on the other hand we
need
to call radical Islam by name
Todd:
that should solve everything
Rubio:
we need a smart president
Todd:
is Donald Trump qualified to President?
Rubio:
good lord no
Todd:
what is he qualified for
Rubio:
he's qualified to be a rodeo clown
Todd:
you said Obama's speech
made
terrorism is worse
Rubio:
he should have
acknowledged
people are scared
Todd:
he did
Rubio:
then he should said we can win
Todd:
he did that too
Rubio:
then he should do airstrikes against ISIS
Todd:
he's launched 7,000 airstrikes
Rubio:
well he should create a sunni army
Todd:
okay so he's doing all that but create a foreign muslim army
Rubio:
no he isn't
Todd:
yeah he is
Rubio:
he should explain to people
that ISIS is very bad
Todd:
spoiler alert – done
Rubio:
a couple of twitter posts isn't enough
Todd:
oh no
Rubio:
we need to reach out to young
people
and tell them life under ISIS is no fun at all
Todd:
you bashed Cruz for weakening surveillance
Rubio:
we collected every Americans
phone
bill and it's a very valuable tool
Todd:
no doubt
Rubio:
now we have to trust the phone company!
Todd:
I don't trust those fuckers
since
they canceled my party line
Rubio:
exactly!
Todd:
Has Cruz has failed this test?
Rubio:
he talks tough about carpet bombing
but
he wants to cut defense spending like a wimp
Todd:
ooh
Rubio:
he sides with the isolationists!
Todd:
what state are you going to win?
Rubio:
the state of fear
Todd:
are you trying to win Iowa or New Hampshire?
Rubio:
well sure why not
Todd:
you're the Establishment Favorite
Rubio:
what an insult!
Todd:
really?
Rubio:
yes how can I be the favorite –
no
one will give me any money
Todd:
good point
Rubio:
plus I challenged Jeb Bush
Todd:
true
Rubio:
Defense! Hope! Dreams!
Todd:
what about marriage equality?
Rubio:
marriage is a ancient sacred institution
preserved
by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas
Rubio:
the Constitution does not give
the
federal government the power to
give
people equal rights
Todd:
I see
Rubio:
what about the right of
the
people of Florida to discriminate?
Todd:
do you accept the
ruling
of the Supreme Court?
Rubio:
there is no such thing as settled law!
Todd:
thanks for coming Marco
Todd:
go to the website to see
me
ask Marco Rubio about Big Sugar
[
break ]
Todd:
the GOP is completely panicking
over
Trumps plan to ban Muslims
Trump:
I am the least racist person you have ever met
Ryan:
no! Stop it!
McConnell:
great jiminy crickets
Graham:
oh my stars
Trump
Fan: who's bombing people?
Not
the Christians! Not the Jewish!
Not
the Buddhist!
Cruz:
do you want this lunatic with his finger
on
the nuclear button? And to be clear I am
referring
to Trump and not myself
Todd:
Republicans can't afford to
alienate
Trump's horrible supporters
[
break ]
Todd:
welcome panelists
Todd:
Jerry – Trump Trump Trump
Seib:
most people hate Trump but
his
supporters aren't going away
Todd:
Trump says hateful crazy things
and
is only getting even more popular!
Ball:
we talk like Trump is losing because
some
are others are doing better but this
race
has always only had one front runner
Todd:
the Trumpster!
Ball:
Ted Cruz scares the establishment
more
than Trump because Cruz makes
Trump
looks reasonable
Todd:
why won't other candidates take on Trump?
Flake:
if they won't support him it
gives
him license to run a third party
Koppel:
if you wrestle with a pig you get dirty
Todd:
why would anyone wrestle with a pig
Koppel:
don't mock my hobby Chuck
Todd:
okay Ted
Koppel:
you in the media do a poll every few days
Todd:
try every few hours old man
Cooper:
they can't alienate
his
psycho supporters
Todd:
right
Cooper:
the party has moved far to the right
Ball:
Trump's supporters are not
the
hard-core right or tea party
Seib:
That's true – Ted Cruz is
winning the real lunatics
Todd:
Trump's supporters feel like outcasts
Koppel:
Trump is the ISIS recruiter in chief!
Todd:
quite an achievement
Koppel:
we should think about
what
ISIS wants and then not do it
Todd:
thanks panelists
Todd:
we are going to try something
really
crazy on Meet The Press – checking facts
Audience:
[ faints ]
[
break ]
Todd:
fresh polls! we got em!
Todd:
Trump still leads!
Todd:
educated voters like Marco Rubio
Todd:
church-goers like Ted Cruz
Todd:
non-religious high school
graduates
like Trump
Todd:
someone has to bring these groups together
Todd:
my pick to do it – Ted Cruz
[
break ]
Obama:
this is turning point!
Todd:
this week in Paris there was
a
landmark climate change agreement
Todd:
welcome Secretary Kerry
Todd:
there are pledges and promises
but
there's no enforcement mechanism
Kerry:
Obama is a true leader!
Todd:
okay
Kerry:
186 countries came together!
Todd:
but how do hit countries that don't comply
Kerry:
we have a legally binding reporting mechanism
Todd:
doesn't sound tough
Kerry:
all these countries got together
because
they really think there's a problem
so
they'll probably abide by their promises
Todd:
but if someone doesn't comply
we
don't get to bomb or anything
Kerry:
if someone doesn't follow through
then
we will work with them instead of
hitting
them with a sledgehammer
Todd:
that's not very manly
Kerry:
we're sending a message to
capitalists
everywhere – if you want
to
make money build solar panels
Todd:
Congress hates this and
you still need their money
Kerry:
President Obama was just on
the
phone with President of Brazil
Todd:
to apologize for Rio 2
Kerry:
don't mess with Obama –
he's
not a lame duck he's a soaring eagle
Todd:
what's the world reaction to
Trump
wanting to ban all muslims?
Kerry:
people are shocked because
America always seemed so nice
Todd:
I always thought so
Kerry:
it's dangerous because it seems
like
were at war with Islam and we're not
Todd:
right
Kerry:
it's against fundamental American values
Todd:
the San Bernardino terrorist
posted
her ravings on social media
Kerry:
we have a very good vetting system
Todd:
but she put terror thoughts on
her
Facebook page and you missed it
Kerry:
well that does seem like a problem
Todd:
yeah
Kerry:
but we still can't ban all Muslims
Todd:
thanks for coming
[
break ]
Todd:
could there be contested convention?
Todd:
or will Rubio or Cruz take it all?
Todd:
or does Trump win the delegates
and the GOP panics?
Todd:
it's all about Trump!
Seib:
this is time everything is
different
because of Trump
Seib:
don't forget not every state is 'winner take all'
Todd:
oh no?
Seib:
Jon Kasich could take all the Ohio
delegates
and become a kingmaker!
Todd:
people love this reality show
Koppel:
you are drooling on your shirt
over
the possibility of a brokered convention
Todd:
you love it too Ted
Cooper:
this is every political reporter's
fantasy
but it never happens
Copper:
if the GOP elite hand picked
a
candidate voters would be furious
Ball:
for Trump supporters their second
choice
was Ted Cruz but now they'll
attack
each other and that could change
Todd:
is Jeb Bush done for?
Ball:
who?
Seib:
don't forget Chris Christie!
Koppel:
the powers that be also hate Ted Cruz
Todd:
well they can't exclude Trump and Cruz
Scalia:
maybe black people
should
go to a slower school
Todd:
just like Al Campanis on your show!
Koppel:
he's old and also racist
Cooper:
my young black friends weren't shocked
Seib:
to be fair he's citing a whole
discredited
school of thought
Todd:
this is why Scalia is against
cameras
or audio in the courtroom
Ball:
its called accountability and they don't like it
Todd:
molly just dropped the mic
[
break ]
Todd:
Ted you wrote a whole book
about cyber terrorism
Koppel:
we live in a time where someone
in
Somalia can take down our power grid
Seib:
business leaders are terrified of this
Todd:
the media is worried too
Cooper: so is the government
Koppel:
we've all been hacked
[
break ]
Todd:
Harrison Ford bashed Trump!
Q:
who is you favorite fake President?
Jeb:
Harrison Ford
Sanders:
Michael Douglas
Cruz:
Dave
Kasich:
Harrison Ford
Seib:
Morgan Freeman – he was god!
Koppel:
Reagan was not credible
to
play a fake President
Cooper:
Rahm would be toast if
he
didn't have powerful friends
Ball:
don't forget people hated
Rahm
even before all this
Todd:
he's 90s Democrat
Seib:
he's a fighter!
Koppel:
Rahm isn't going anywhere
Todd:
but can he get anything done anymore?
Copper:
no
Seib:
Chicago needs a firm hand!
Todd:
and that's another episode of Meet The Press
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