Guests:
Ben
Carson
John
Kerry – Secretary of State
Stephanopoulos:
OMG Ted Cruz is
beating
Doanld Trump in Iowa!
Karl:
The Republican party is in chaos!
Trump:
we must ban all muslims!
Ryan:
Republicans don't hate muslims no
matter
what you might have heard
Jeb:
he's unhinged!
Trump:
I'm not going away!
Karl:
Cruz is ahead by ten points in Iowa!
Cruz:
Trump is a nice guy – but a nut!
Trump:
I question his religion
Carson:
I will form the Slumber party!
Karl:
insulting Iowa voters may not be too smart
Stephanopoulos:
have you ever
seen
a surge like Cruz in Iowa?
Expert:
never! it's crazy!
Stephanopoulos:
wow
Expert:
he's put in the time to
reach
out the religious wackos here
Stephanopoulos:
wow
Expert:
people just love
that
Cuban-Canadian weirdo
Stephanopoulos:
what happened to Ben Carson?
Expert:
he starting talking and
it
all went downhill from there
Stephanopoulos:
welcome Doctor Carson
Carson:
nice to be here George
Stephanopoulos:
you campaign
is
in free fall – what went wrong?
Carson:
the people have spoken George
Stephanopoulos:
Ted Cruz says you're too
much
of an idiot to be Commander-in-Chief
Carson:
I have spent much time
in
a cold sterile operating room
Stephanopoulos:
you think Ted Cruz
spends
all his time at cocktail parties
Carson:
not all of it
Stephanopoulos:
you have no
experience
in government
Carson:
I've spent time with CEOs and I learned
that
you can be really stupid and run some of
American's
largest corporations
Stephanopoulos:
that's true
Carson:
I may know nothing about the
issues
but I will surround myself with smart people
Stephanopoulos:
good to know
Carson:
there are lots of people in
Congress
with experience and they all suck
Stephanopoulos:
you threatened
to
leave the Republican party
Carson:
i'm tried of the subterfuge
Stephanopoulos:
so will you leave?
Carson:
if I sense shady stuff
then
yes I'm outta here
Stephanopoulos:
what about banning muslims?
Carson:
I understand the concept –
I
just wouldn't base it on religion
Stephanopoulos:
I see
Carson:
Syrian refugees don't want to come here
Stephanopoulos:
they don't?
Carson:
giving people fleeing war and
oppression
help doesn't solve the
problem
it just feels good
Stephanopoulos:
you change positions every 24 hours
Carson:
I'm not talking about following
every
visitor to the U.S. around 24 hours per day
Stephanopoulos:
you just want to know their itinerary
Carson:
exactly
Stephanopoulos:
but won't terrorists just lie?
Carson:
why don't we go to the Israelis
and
ask them how they do it?
Stephanopoulos:
do what?
Carson:
successfully prevent all terrorism
Stephanopoulos:
do you believe Islam is not constitutional
Carson:Islam
doesn't respect homosexuals
which
is against the Constitution
Carson:
people need to know the agenda
of
the Muslim brotherhood in America!
Stephanopoulos:
I see
Carson:
muslims faked the moon landing!
Stephanopoulos:
thanks for coming doctor
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
wow this week we had
a
massive historic climate change deal in Paris
Obama:
we've only got one planet!
Mars:
hey
Stephanopoulos:
welcome Secretary Kerry
Kerry:
greeting George
Stephanopoulos:
James Hansen says the
agreement
is a fraud and a fake because
it's
just words on a piece of paper
Kerry:
well with all due respect it's an
agreement
and that's how they work
Stephanopoulos:
even so
Kerry:
we all agreed to go to low carbon!
Stephanopoulos:
but it's not regally binding
Kerry:
it's a mutual pledge like
the
Declaration of Independence
Stephanopoulos:
Mitch McConnell
says
the whole deal is a crime
Kerry:
we've reduced emissions
without that turtle man
without that turtle man
Stephanopoulos:
good for you
Kerry:
this is what American leadership looks like!
Stephanopoulos:
is it?
Kerry:
184 countries stepped up –
they're
not all in on some gigantic hoax
Stephanopoulos:
Republicans have
vowed
to undo the agreement
Kerry:
that's why we need to
elect a Democrat in 2016!
elect a Democrat in 2016!
Stephanopoulos:
okay
Kerry:
solar and wind are cheaper
than
storms which are very expensive
Stephanopoulos:
what about Trump?
Kerry:
his stupid remarks put us
all
in danger around the world
Stephanopoulos:
how do you really feel?
Kerry:
outright banning people
because
of a religion is stunning
Stephanopoulos:
it's a bit much
Kerry:
it's against the American spirit and values!
Stephanopoulos:
thanks for coming
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