Sunday, September 13, 2015

Meet The Press – September 13, 2015

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK)
Jim DeMint – Heritage Foundation
Robert Ford – Fmr. Amb. to Syria
Richard Engel
Maria Hinojosa
Sara Fagen
Ron Fournier
David Brooks

Todd: OMG today is NFL day!!

Todd: also we're going to
elect a President next year!

Todd: Rick Perry is out and
Mike Huckabee wants to institute
selective Biblical law

Cruz: the GOP squishes are losers!

Jindal: Trump is an egomaniac!

Todd: Chris Christie is losing badly!

Todd: welcome loser

Christie: nice to be here Ted

Todd: GOP primary voters are
very angry about something

Christie: because the GOP congress
doesn't do anything!

Todd: and you will?

Christie: I've vetoed more tax
hikes than any Governor in history!

Todd: how nice for you

Christie: but I work with Democrats
in Jersey to attack school teachers

Todd: in New Jersey you
have high unemployment
and many credit downgrades

Christie: yes but I cut taxes

Todd: but your record sucks

Christie: but I cut taxes!

Todd: okay but your state
has no money and terrible credit

Christie: that's the fault of
public workers who keep insisting
they should be allowed to retire

Todd: how selfish of them

Christie: if we didn't have to
pay people for their work things
would be great in my state

Todd: but you do have to
pay people for their labor don't you?

Christie: not if I have
anything to say about it

Todd: so your argument is
you're a jerk but you get things done

Christie: I bribed and extorted 
and threatened Democrats to 
give me what I want and I'll do 
the same in Washington

Todd: your incredible corruption
has somehow now led to the resignation
of the CEO of United Airlines

Christie: I am very ethical!

Todd: oh you are?

Christie: I was a U.S. Attorney!

Todd: but you bribed your
way to that job that you were
totally unqualified for

Christie: I can't keep track
of the crimes of 60,000 public employees

Todd: but these are your top
aides who are totally corrupt

Christie: hey they might be innocent!

Todd: but some of them
have already pleaded guilty

Christie: here's what a real
leader does – immediately lie and
blame everyone else but myself

Todd: nevertheless your entire
inner circle are all facing criminal charges

Christie: I have been totally vindicated

Todd: you have?

Christie: look when I found out
my top aides were crooks I 
immediately took action and fired them

Todd: wait a moment ago
you said they might be innocent
which is it?

Christie: Barack Obama is a crook!

Todd: wait what?

Christie: Obama is a totally failed leader

Todd: okay but the entire Port 
Authority is corrupt

Christie: nothing has been proven yet!

Todd: so you claim

Christie: stop reading newspapers
they're full of lies and that includes
the sports and weather sections!

Todd: that's your answer –
stop reading newspapers?

Christie: Bill De Blasio's
liberal policies have led to murder

Todd: you sound a bit unhinged

Christie: Mayor DeBlasio has
a total disregard for human life!

Todd: easy there big guy

Christie: Barack Obama supports lawlessness!

Todd: and yet your top aides broke the law

Christie: not true necessarily!

Todd: then why did you fire them?

Christie: because Fuck You that's why

[ break ]

Todd: Trump and Carson
lead the entire establishment combined!

Todd: the Summer of Trump is
turning into the Fall of Lunacy
and the Autumn of Crazy

Todd: it's a battle for the soul
of the Republican party!

Todd: the Tea Party doesn't
want to inspect Iranian nuclear facilities

Tea Partier: Boehner is worse
than Obama because we know
Obama is a muslim but Boehner is a traitor

Boehner: no one knows
this but I'm very popular

Todd: why do you hate John 
Boehner and Mitch McConnell?

DeMint: why is it radical to
want to balance the budget
when a Democrat is President?

Todd: it makes a kind of sense

DeMint: the Republican party
never stands up to Obama!

Todd: I'm not sure about that

Cole: not true! The GOP and 
Obama cut the deficit!

Todd: after all Obama was re-elected

DeMint: Obama tried to
take control of the Internet!

Todd: what do you want?

DeMint: a concrete plan to
deny Obama a third term

Todd: why can't you defund Obamacare?

Cole: we tried but Obama won't let us

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: there is a battle for control the GOP!

Brooks: you can't govern by screaming

Todd: did the GOP over-promise
or should they make Obama veto stuff?

Fagen: it's hard to get stuff
through the Senate

Todd: that's what the Founders wanted

Fagen: but the GOP always plays
chicken and loses to Obama

Todd: no wonder they're mad

Fagen: for example going after
Planned Parenthood could be
a real win for the GOP

Todd: riiight

Fournier: the public is angry and
therefore they support Trump and Sanders

Todd: Both Sides Do It

Fournier: Donald Trump is completely
crazy and people really like that

Todd: the anger is not just on
the right because it's always
true that Both Sides Do It

Hinojosa: no Chuck there is much
more anger on the right – look at
Chris Christie who wants to bring
back illegal stop and frisk

Fournier: Chris Christie is supposed
to be a law-and-order guy except
when it comes to his own administration

Todd: that sounds about right

Fagen: Christie has a lot of 
Donald Trump in him

Todd: I'm not touching that one

[ break ]

Todd: omg Sanders is leading
in Iowa and New Hampshire!

Todd: how many Syrian refugees
should the U.S. take in?

Sanders: why shouldn't Saudi 
Arabia take in a few?

Todd: is the Syrian civil war America's fault?

Sanders: I voted against the Iraq
war because it would destabilize the region

Todd: boy were you wrong ha ha

Sanders: Saudi Arabia is going
to have get their hands dirty

Todd: that ship has sailed Bernard

Sanders: the U.S. should not
have combat troops in the middle east

Todd: you voted for military action
in Kosovo so why not use troops in Syria

Sanders: I also supported the
war in Afghanistan because I
thought we should get bin Laden

Todd: I stand corrected

Sanders: Afghanistan and Iraq
were totally botched and thousands
of Americans were killed

Todd: we all know that

Sanders: let's do everything to
solve the Syrian crisis without
using U.S. troops first

Todd: why are you more
electable than Hillary Clinton?

Sanders: because I support
universal health care and
college education

Todd: good answer Ben

Sanders: people are sick of
establishment politics and economics

Todd: maybe

Sanders: people are sick of
Wall Street controlling government
and taking all the money

Todd: but they're such nice people

Sanders: the Democrats lost
in 2014 because their supporters
are dismayed

Todd: you're a weirdo so how
can you work with Congress as President?

Sanders: we passed a bill to help Veterans

Todd: I didn't know that

Sanders: the truth is Todd we'll
never have real change until the
Congress is full of liberals like me

Todd: thanks for coming Bernie

[ break ]

Engel: refugees are pouring
into Sweden and Austria

Refugee: Syria is a nightmare
of death and destruction

Refugee: I'm escaping the Taliban

Engel: the U.S .invaded Iraq by
mistake wrecking the middle east

Engel: Obama didn't bomb
Syria making me sad

Engel: the U.S. broke the
middle east leading to starving
Syrians arriving in Germany

Todd: has Obama been a failure in Syria?

Ford: no because Syria 
is not an American state

Todd: yes but all the world is part of America

Ford: the unraveling of Syria is
the fault of the dictator there

Todd: but America runs the
world including Syria so therefore
Obama has failed

Ford: the problem in Syria
is the dictator is a brutal lunatic

Todd: see Obama has failed!

Ford: Obama is fixated on attacking ISIS

Todd: so you're saying the
U.S. should overthrow the government
and invade and occupy Syria

Ford: right!

Todd: should America start
a war with Russia over Syria?

Ford: Obama needs keep
bombing Assad and tell Russia
we want to overthrow Assad

Todd: I like it

Ford: this is a war and we need
to be involved or we will miss
out on the all the fun

Todd: but if we bomb Assad 
will that help ISIS?

Ford: it could but we should
help the good rebels who hate
Assad and ISIS

Todd: what a good idea

Ford: that's how we got
the Serbs to the table!

Todd: thanks for coming

Todd: I'm not editorializing I'm
just saying America should solve
the Syria problem by force

[ break ]

Todd: OMG Joe Biden talked
about his son on Colbert!

Todd: he's not running is he?

Brooks: it was an expression
of love and it was real

Brooks: it's an anti-establishment
year but then again the election is next year

Todd: does the Democratic party need Biden?

Hinojosa: yes!

Todd: yes!

Hinojosa: he was talking
without soundbites

Todd: does Biden running
help Hillary?

Fournier: no that's stupid

Todd: don't be mean Ron

Fournier: I believe him when he
says he's not ready to run but his
love for Beau may lead him to get in the race

Fagen: Biden is a gaffe machine
unlike the geniuses in the GOP

Todd: what about Hillary?

Brooks: she's boring –
unlike Sanders or Corbyn

Fagen: the Democrats have moved to the left

Todd: it's so terrible

Fagen: the GOP has moved
to the right even more!

Fournier: people want change
and Hillary is not capable of change

Todd: how do you know that?

Fournier: Karl Rove told me

Fagen: the scandals are not going away!

Hinojosa: Hillary needs to dance more!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

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