Sunday, January 04, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – January 4, 2014

Host: Martha Raddatz
Steve Ganyard
Jeff Zeleny
Capt. Steven Foley – USS Sampson
Dr. Anthony Fauci
Rep. Mia Mia Love (R-UT)
Sen.-elect Ben Sasse (R-NE)
Sen.-elect Thom Tillis (R-NC)

Raddatz: omg they're still looking for that missing plane

Reporter: how does a jet just fall down?

Rex Ryan: don't blame me

Reporter: it could have been
turbulence or bad weather or pilot error

Expert: or a sudden catastrophic failure

Reporter: like a wing fell off?

Expert: or a bomb

Raddatz: well which is it guys

Reporter: we need the black boxes martha

Raddatz: ok ok

Raddatz: welcome Commander Foley

Foley: I'm coming to you live
from the U.S. Navy where we're
searching for the plane in the Java Sea

Raddatz: what special tools are you using?

Foley: optics and lookouts

Raddatz: you mean-

Foley: we're looking for it

Raddatz: what problems have you found?

Foley: murky waters and
thunderstorms and one sharknado

Raddatz: I've heard they found the tail

Ganyard: well I'm from Missouri
so I'm skeptical

Raddatz: right

Ganyard: some random person
on Facebook says now she is
terrified to fly now

Ganyard: it's been a half century
since a plane crashed due to turbulence

Raddatz: until now

Ganyard: touche

Raddatz: they pilot wanted to
ascend and they said no

Ganyard: he should done it
first then asked permission

Raddatz: why did it crash?

Ganyard: no idea

Raddatz: for reals?

Ganyard: it just disappeared

Raddatz: could it be ice in the engine?

Ganyard: maybe but these
planes are built to fly when it's cold

Raddatz: would it be easier to find
the black boxes if they're weren't black

Ganyard: actually they're orange

Raddatz: you just blew my mind

[ break ]

Raddatz: OMG there's a
flu epidemic and we're all gonna die!!

Audience: eek

Raddatz: how soon will all
have the flu and expire?

Fauci: it depends on how it evolves

Raddatz: if you believe in evolution

Fauci: true

Raddatz: could it become
a zombie apocalypse?

Fauci: it's possible

Raddatz: ye gods

Fauci: it's very difficult to predict

Raddatz: flu shots don't work do they?

Fauci: not really

Raddatz: so should people
bother getting one?

Fauci: yes because the flu vaccine
protects against cooties

Raddatz: I see

Fauci: it's all science martha

Raddatz: why don't vaccines work better?

Fauci: because the flu virus has
achieved self awareness and
is now smarter than people

Raddatz: amazing

Fauci: I for one welcome
our new virus overlords

Raddatz: Virus / Bacteria 2016

Fauci: why not

Raddatz: thanks for coming

Raddatz: omg the GOP is going
to run Washington sort of

Zeleny: they're not really outsiders
since most new Senators are from
the House or state government

Zeleny: you're part of the 'hell no' caucus

Cotton: hell yes

Zeleny: Republicans have to decide
how much time to waste trying to
repeal Obamacare and running for President

Raddatz: omg Mia Love is the
first black female Republican ever

Raddatz: can you prove Congress
isn't dysfunctional?

Sasse: yes if we pass a budget

Tillis: yes if we act functional
then we can finally create jobs

Raddatz: do you believe the President
wants to work with Congress?

Love: we should put decisions back
in the hands of the American people

Raddatz: would vote to pay America's debts

Sasse: not unless Obama agrees
to slash Medicaid

Tillis: darn right

Raddatz: Obamacare?

Love: repeal it!

Raddatz: really?

Love: that's what the people want Martha

Tillis: we need to send bills to
Obama he will actually sign like
building a big pipeline

Raddatz: your colleague Steve Scalise
spoke to white supremacists –
does that bother you?

Love: Steve is wonderful!

Raddatz: he should be really be
the number three leader in the House?

Love: yes he should because he
has the single best quality in a
leader which is humility

Raddatz: he has a lot to be humble about

Love: that's very true

Raddatz: Congress is very unpopular

Sasse: the American people want
Washington to be humble

Raddatz: that seems to be the word of the day

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