Sunday, January 11, 2015

Meet The Press – January 11, 2015


Bill Neely
Richard Engel
Ayman Mohyeldin
Attorney General Eric Holder
Muhammed Al-Kibsi
Ron Amen – Islamic Ctr. of America
Kassem Allie – Islamic Ctr. of America
Prof. Reza Aslan
Arsalan Iftikhar – Islamic Monthly
Clifford Sloan – State Dept.
Danielle Pletka – AEI
Carol Rosenberg – Miami Herald
Andrea Mitchell
Helene Cooper
David Brooks
Richard Lowry

Todd: OMG France is at 
war with radical Islam!

Audience: eek

Todd: one of the gunmen
appears to pledge to ISIS

Todd: now there is one million
person rally in Paris

Neely: Christians, Muslims, Jews and
miscellaneous are here to show their support

Todd: wow

Neely: the challenge is crack down
on terrorism without overdoing it

Todd: but overdoing it is what we do

Neely: it's a test for France 
and Europe and the West

Todd: Richard what went wrong?

Engel: these were not lone wolves
but trained terrorists

Engel: they were known militants 
but police can't surveil every 
radical 24 hours a day

Engel: where you surprised by this attack?

Expert: oh no not all

Engel: they trained in Yemen like
real soldiers and came back with
a mission – to shoot cartoonists

[ break ]

Todd: Welcome Mr. Attorney General

Holder: good morning Todd

Todd: is the U.S. at war with radical islam?

Holder: we're at war with terrorists

Todd: islamic terrorists?

Holder: they pervert the religion
and commit heinous acts!

Todd: was this a failure of intelligence
or a failure of law enforcement?

Holder: that's a loaded question Chuck

Todd: oh I know ric

Holder: France is our greatest ally!

Todd: why can't we destroy 
al-Qaeda in Yemen?

Holder: we smashed core al-Qaeda
but they have all these affiliates 
and franchises

Todd: they grow like McDonalds

Holder: more like Starbucks

Todd: that's even more horrifying

Todd: are you terrified of sleeper cells
in America and should we follow
them around 24 hours a day?

Holder: you might surprised at
how many Americans we're spying
on right now Todd

Todd: oh really?

Holder: yes but then they move and
don't leave a forwarding address
and we can't find them

Todd: try Sallie Mae – they can find anybody

Holder: no they're too ruthless to deal with

Todd: those squishy Europeans were
all concerned about their 'privacy'
and now they've been attacked
ergo prompter hoc quid pro quo

Holder: that's right - we can't protect
privacy or we'll get slammed if there 
is an attack in America

Todd: are you going to arrest 
General Petraeus?

Holder: I might

Todd: that would be exciting

Holder: yes it would

[ break ]

Todd: panel if this attack happened
in America it would be Obama's 
fault so in a way it is his fault

Mitchell: like Boston was Obama's fault!

Todd: so true

Mitchell: the French don't have the
manpower to follow 5 million people around

Todd: well they need to get on that

Cooper: France is not welcoming
to immigrants unlike America is

Todd: Boko Haram killed thousands
this week – what in the holy hell
is going on??

Brooks: all these do gooder types 
buy mosquito nets like liberal weenies 
but the best way to help poor people  
around the world is to donate your 
charity dollars to funding an all-powerful 
international police force

Todd: what's the answer to
answer to terror Rich?

Lowry: massive uncontrolled spying

Mitchell: we've got Syria and
bring-back-our-girls and
Palestine and Boko Haram

Todd: Elvis Presley Disneyland

Mitchell: we didn't start the fire!

[ break ]

Todd: you actually met one of 
the Paris terrorists!

Al-Kibsi: yes was playing football

Todd: quarterback?

Al-Kibsi: what?

Todd: nevermind

Al-Kibsi: he knew the underwear bomber!

Todd: I met Iggy Azelea

Al-Kibsi: who is he?

Todd: when you talked to him did
he give off a vibe of like
hey I'm a mass murderer”

Al-Kibsi: no he seemed very normal

Todd: well that's how they all seem
before they shoot up a room full of people

[ break ]

Todd: why aren't U.S. Muslims killing people?

Amen: America is more accepting of
immigrants so radicalization isn't a problem

Allie: you can be fully American
and fully Muslim!

Ayman: what about alienated young men?

Allie: we need to inoculate against them

Todd: are we at war with Islam
or just a strain of Islam?

Aslan: the whole problem is
one crazy sect – Wahhabism

Todd: wha who?

Aslan: Saudi Arabia has spent
100 billion spreading this hateful
ideology around the world
and it leads directly to the murders
of thousands of innocent people

Todd: ixnay on the audisay arabiasay

Aslan: sorry Toff

Todd: Ayaan Hirsi Ali says these terrorists
are inspired by the basic tenets of Islam –
is that true?

Iftikhar: that's collective guilt – there's
one billion 700 million peaceful muslims!

Todd: so there's a few good ones

Iftikhar: when brown muslim men
kill it's 'terrorism' and every muslim
is responsible and when Anders
Brevik kills we don't ask white
people or christians or Europeans
to rush out and condemn it

Aslan: when people ask 'when
are moderate muslims going to
condemn these attacks' I conclude
they doesn't have access to the google

Todd: I'm a card catalog man myself

Aslan: it doesn't help to blame one
billion people for the actions of a tiny few

Todd: perhaps not

[ break ]

Todd: Rich tell us all about Islam

Lowry: not all Muslims are terrorists

Todd: big of you to admit that

Lowry: but in America if you insult
someone no one will show up at
your door with a gun

Todd:Americans prefer to do
their shooting while out driving

Brooks: we're a car culture 

Todd: David Brooks you say
the real problem is liberals
on college campuses

Brooks: right – I have studied the
issue of international terrorism and
have concluded that the real problem
is campus speech codes

Todd: that's so 1987

Brooks: I know all about Islam and
discrimination and radicalization and
have found the core issue is no one
wants me as their commencement speaker

Todd: you're so wise

Brooks: we here at Meet 
The Press are the adult table

Todd: now here's a clip of South Park

Todd: do Muslims need to learn
to respect even abhorrent speech
like everyone else does?

Aslan: you know if France it's
illegal to deny the Holocaust

Todd: ok but don't Muslims need to
tolerate being satirized which they
obviously don't understand?

Aslan: look a muslim police officer died
defending the right to insult his religion
how's that for tolerating?

[ break ]

Todd: OMG Florida was ordered to
allow marriage equality so now 70% of
Americans can be forced to get gay married!

Audience: whoa

Todd: 19 states now allow legal
marijuana and gay weddings

Audience: partay partay

Todd: the anti-gay states love guns

Audience: can I marry my gun?

Todd: some states are gay
pot-loving minimum wagers

Audience: got to pay for 
the pot somehow

Todd: while others hate 
abortion and gays

Audience: what about a gay fetus?

Todd: Vermont and Alaska and
New Mexico let you get high and
get shot and get an abortion

Audience: there's your 
weekend right there

Todd: when Obama became President
there were 242 guys in Gitmo and 
now there are 147 left

Todd: Gitmo is so horrible that anyone
there now really hates America so if
we let them out they will attack us

Sloan: for anyone to be transferred from
Gitmo six different agencies all have to
agree the person is not a threat

Todd: that's tougher than a
Presidential primary

Sloan: 90% of the guys in Gitmo 
are perfectly fine and not as 
crazy as Mel Gibson

Pletka: if you're not willing to keep
people locked up you have to kill them

Todd: Yemen is too dangerous
to let people go there

Rosenberg: it's scary

Todd: what about people who we
know are bad but we can't prove it?

Sloan: well when it's down to 
just a few guys why keep a 
massive base in Cuba?

Todd: is Gitmo a recruiting tool for terrorists?

Pletka: no not at all because the
Iraq war is a much better recruiting tool

Todd: good point

Sloan: Gitmo will be closed within two years

Todd: even with a Republican Congress?

Sloan: don't underestimate 
unleashed Obama!

Rosenberg: most of the men at
Gitmo are prisoners of war which
will never ever ever end

Todd: did these detainees
get due process?

Sloan: holding people for 15 years
without charges is a bit of problem

[ break ]

Todd: OMG Jeb Bush is running for President

Mitchell: it's on!

Todd: but then Romney jumped in

Lowry: dear god we need some 
fresh faces in the GOP not these 
fucking doddering old losers

Mitchell: I hear Romney isn't running
he just hates Jeb Bush

Brooks: I'm a Calvin Coolidge man myself

Todd: of course you are

Brooks: people hate Hillary too you know

Todd: there's a rise in populism across
the world and here we're going to
nominate a Bush and a Clinton

Cooper: a French person said
to me we beheaded our king
what did you do with yours?

Todd: buried him in a pink
cadillac and put him on a stamp

Mitchell: this is going to be  
a serious-person election

Todd: Chris Christie made a total
fool of himself at a Cowboys game

Lowry: he needs to practice his bro hugs in the mirror

Todd: omg Christie and Scott
Walker are in a twitter war!

Lowry: Scott Walker can tap his big
national base of rich donors named Koch

Todd: I'm an owner of the Green Pay Packers!

Brooks: so am I

Todd: but you root for the Redskins

Brooks: I'm not a phony!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

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