Sunday, January 04, 2015

Meet The Press – January 4, 2014


John Barrasso (R-WY)

Amy Klobuchar (D-MN)

Lt. Gen. Daniel Bolger (Ret.)

Sarah Chays

Andrea Mitchell

Helene Cooper

Matt Bai

John Stanton

Mayor Muriel Bowser – Washington D.C.

Cathy Lanier – Chief of Police, 
Washington D.C.

Kaya Henderson – Chancellor of D.C. schools

Todd: good morning and welcome to 2015!

Audience: eek

Todd: Obama lost the midterms but

he won the lame duck is reading to fight!

Todd: but the GOP wants to take him on

Obama: I'll have to start vetoing 
shit like a boss

Todd: but know it turns out the

majority whip spoke to a white 
supremacist group

Boehner: Steve is man of high integrity

who almost never speaks to white supremacists

Todd: tea partiers are mad about 
the double standard against their kind

Hannity: Boehener should resign –

you got rid of our racists

Lott: some of wish the segregationist 
had won and we wouldn't have had 
all these problems with inregration!

Biden: Obamacare rocks

GOP: Obamacare caused the 
recession in 2007

Todd: should Scalise serve in the leadership?

Barrasso: it was a grave mistake 
but he's not a racist

Todd: maybe not but does it send

the wrong message when Republicans

are trying to reach out to minorities

Barrasso: well white supremacists

are definitely in the minority

Todd: even so the GOP needs to reach

out blacks and hispanics and this won't help

Barrasso: true but the debt is high 
so it doesn't matter

Klobuchar: if you care so much do something about it

Todd: like what?

Klobuchar: like confirm Loretta Lynch

and pass the Voting Rights Act

Todd: how about that?

Barrasso: I can't vote for the new

Attorney General since Obama said

he would let immigrants stay in America

which they would do anyway

Todd: what is the GOP going to

do with their new majority?

Barrasso: pass a jobs bill to build a massive

pipeline across Americans' back yards

Klobuchar: Congress should not

be in the business of demanding

pipelines be built

Todd: do you support the pipeline?

Klob: America is the number one oil

producer in the world! We beat Saudi Arabia!

Todd: rah

Klob: but if pipelines create jobs

then let's do infrastructure

Todd: are you going to hold another

54 votes to repeal Obamacare again?

Barrasso: yes but only the bad

parts and not the good parts

Todd: I see

Barrasso: we'll vote to get rid of the

mandates and taxes but keep the giveaways

Todd: nice

Barrasso: Obamacare caused

the recession in 2007!

Todd: if you repeal the taxes how

does Obamacare get paid for?

Klobuchar: we are looking at a tax on goatees

Todd: yikes

Klobuchar: we've had 57 straight

months of job growth

Todd: can Congress get anything done?

Barrasso: yes!

Todd: really?

Barrasso: no

[ break ]

Todd: can Scalise survive one more

week after which the media will

get bored and move on

Stanton: yes unless he spoke to

another racist group or did something

really disqualifying like talk bad about guns

Todd: Andrea they got Trent Lott

Mitchell: he's the whip!

Todd: whip it good!

Mitchell: there is no way he didn't

know David Duke was a racist

Todd: banners saying 'White Power'

were hanging from the ceiling which

is often a sign you're talking to

a white supremacist group

Bai: GOP often indulges dark forces

made of white people?

Todd: what happens in DC in 2015?

Cooper: total gridlock

Todd: but they said they

want to work together

Cooper: well that's baloney

Todd: no cooperation?

Cooper: not when they're talking

to the Ku Klux Klan

Todd: can the GOP can Democratic

votes in the Senate?

Stanton: maybe on different issues

Mitchell: which Dems will support

the President on trade?

Todd: look to the the coasts Andrea

look to the coasts

[ break ]

Todd: the war in Afghanistan is over 
except it isn't

Audience: oh

Todd: we still have 11,000 troops

there and 3,000 in Iraq and

both are in chaos

Engel: 2014 was the year the

middle east imploded which

was a great surprise to America

which thought they had fixed it with bombs

Todd: gosh

Engel: the Afghan war ended this year too

Obama: the war is over and we won!

Engel: the war isn't over and

we didn't win and we're not leaving

Todd: when are going to finally 
leave the middle east?

Engel: never – is never good for you?

Todd: I guess so

Engel: we're never leaving the middle east

and we're in a permanent state of war

Todd: thanks richard

[ break ]

Todd: General you said we

lost the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan

Bolger: that's right Chuck

Todd: that's disturbing

Bolger: we're in damage control now

Todd: so what do we do?

Chays: there is no military 
solution to these wars

Todd: but we have such an awesome military

Chays: it's a conundrum

Todd: why can't our incredible 
military win wars?

Bolger: the U.S. military can win 
any battle easily but the American 
people aren't interested in real 
commitment and sacrifice

Todd: we can't just walk away from 
the wonderful countries we so 
generously smashed

Chays: civilians need to step up to the plate

Todd: Andrea you're an expert on war

Mitchell: the American people get

all emotional after a beheading but

they really don't have a stomach for a fight

Todd: no one wants to criticize

the military so we pretend like

they're supermen who can do anything

Cooper: sure in New York City people

have no connection to the military

but in wonderful bucolic small towns

people love the military

Todd: small-town America and

immigrants are fighting our wars

no one from New York city ever fights

Stanton: right

Todd: maybe there is no military

solution to terror

Bai: the next election could be

a debate on endless war

Todd: foreign policy could be

the dominant topic of 2016

Stanton: there was a car

bombing targeting pro-Americans

today in Somalia!

Todd: right

Stanton: but what do you about

it but send in troops which no

one rational person wants to do

Todd: except for John McCain

Stanton: um right

[ break ]

Todd: Mario Cuomo was a liberal icon

like Obama was in the 2000s or Elizabeth

Warren in the twentyteens

Todd: in 1984 Cuomo became the

leading voice of American liberalism

Audience: and Mary Lou Retton 
became the face of American cuteism

Todd: he said politicians campaign

in poetry and govern in prose

Audience: and lobby in steakhouses

Todd: he stood against the death

penalty when killing people was all the rage

Audience: kill! kill! After a 
twenty-year appeals process! Kill!

Todd: but he will best remembered

for not becoming leader of the free

world so he could work on the state

budget with Joe Bruno

Bruno: my conviction was overturned!

Todd: he showed his sharp sense of

humor in his 11 appearances 
on Meet the Press

Cuomo: I'll use small words for Dan Quayle

Todd: why didn't he run for President?

Auletta: he was a thinker and

writer and disliked adulation

[ break ]

Todd: wow Americans are happier

than they have been in a decade

Audience: not us

Todd: even white people are optimistic

and they usually hate everything

White people: damn white people suck

Todd: people in cities are really

happy but the hicks are up too

Hipster: in 2014 my beard got thicker!

Farmer: so did my non-ironic beard!

Todd: old people are still grumpy

but you know how they are

Old People: twenty dickety four sucked!

Todd: in 2004 Republicans were happy

and in 2014 Democrats are happy well

guess who is in the White House ha ha

GOP: cheap gas will wreck America!

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Mayor Bowser

Bowser: hi Todd

Todd: Washington D.C. has long been

a run-down hellhole and that's not even

counting that boarding house where

Chuck Schumer lives with a bunch

of loser House members

Bowser: Washington has come a

long way and we're a city on the move

Todd: what do you need from the Congress?

Bowser: we're doing just fine Chuck

Todd: but you have a big budget shortfall

Bowser: we just need Congress

to butt out of our business

Todd: but they want to ban abortion

Bowser: we want them to

respect the people of this city

Todd: Congress also wants to

ban marijuana in your town

Bowser: so screw the will of

the people of the city

Todd: will you sue Congress?

Bowser: I don't want to

Todd: will you?

Bowser: I might

Todd: you're the Chief of Police

and you're a woman

Lanier: no one cares as long

as you do your job

Todd: school reform has been

a big deal since forever

Henderson: school satisfaction

is at an all-time high!

Todd: ok

Henderson: parents are finally

choosing DC public schools

Todd: are they really?

Henderson: yes they're pulling

out of private schools

Todd: oh year I totally believe that

Todd: Chief Lanier why haven't 
there been more riots in DC?

Lanier: well there that time 
the House ran out of Navy bean soup 

Todd: who could forget Rand Paul 
smashing the bust of James Buchanan 
through the cafeteria window

Lanier: you can't just react

to crises you have to work with

the community on a daily basis

Todd: what about statehood

for Washington D.C.?

Bowser: yes!

Todd: would you settle for being

a district in Virginia or Maryland?

Bowser: hell no

Todd: thanks ladies

[break ]

Todd: Brooke was the first

African-American elected to

the Senate since Reconstruction

Todd: he was a moderate

Republican of Brahmin bearing

Todd: Stephen Colbert told

me I would never get through

a single episode without

mentioning 2016

Todd: well he was right – Mike Huckabee

is running and I'm so excited!!

Huckabee: I love my Fox tv show but

God wants me to run for President

Todd: Jeb Bush has moved the timetable up

Bai: I think all the media is rushing

to cover a bunch of nonsense

Todd: how about that Andrea

Mitchell: Huckabee helps Jeb by

splitting up the crazytown vote

Stanton: I doubt Huck is really running

Todd: maybe but he quit a job paying

millions to spout nonsense on tv –

that's a good gig and I ought to know

Copper: I can't believe we're

already talking about the 2016 race!

Mitchell: but Obama announced in February

Todd: that's right Helene

Copper: ok ok

Todd: you've got to move on

from Denial to Grief in the seven

stages of covering a Presidential race

Todd: new laws in America include

Drew Bledsoe's law which lets him

ship wine from Michigan to Massachusetts

and the law allowing you to hide

that your house is really a meth lab

Todd: and in New York it will be

illegal to take a selfie

Copper: oh thank god

Todd: with a live tiger

Mitchell: well there goes my weekend

Todd: and that's another 
episode of Meet the Press


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Mitchell: which Dems will support the President on trade?

Todd: look to the the coasts Andrea – look to the coasts

The Trans-Pacific Trade (TPP) Agreement Must Be Defeated

By Bernie Sanders, Reader Supported News

03 January 15

Anonymous said...

News media: "lefty, Radical, SOCIALIST" after all these decades, and most emphatically not his economic platform.