Sunday, December 21, 2014

This Week With George Stephanopoulos – December 21, 2014

Pierre Thomas
Ray Kelly
Gregory Meeks
Mitch Singer - fmr Sony chief digital strategy
Major General Bret Williams - Former Director of 
U.S. Cyber Command
Fran Townsend - Former White House 
Homeland Security Director
Thor Halvorssen - Human Rights Foundation
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)

Stephanopoulos: omg two cops
were shot and killed

Bratton: it was an assassination

Reporter: he was from Baltimore
and said he was going to shoot cops

De Blasio: it was an attack on all of us

Pataki: this murder is all Eric Holder's fault

Union: the mayor has blood on his hands

Stephanopoulos: is it fair to blame 
the Mayor of New York for a 
murderer from Baltimore?

Kelly: yes because he's anti-police

Stephanopoulos: how so?

Kelly: he said he warned his son
to be careful around the police
which is terrible advice

Stephanopoulos: what would you 
say to police officers now?

Kelly: I would say do your job and ignore the haters

Meeks: no one is anti-police but 
people do want the justice system 
to work for everyone

Kelly: see how much he hates the police

Meeks: protesters oppose all violence

Kelly: see how he promotes violence

Stephanopoulos: the police say they
are now at war with the citizens

Kelly: you bet George

Meeks: we need to set a tone to
bring people together – most police
are good but not all of them

Kelly: stop hating the police!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: omg North Korea
hacked Sony over a Seth Rogan movie!

Obama: we will take our revenge –
no one puts James Flacco in a corner

Thomas: hackers deleted Sony's files 
after a movie came out about killing 
the leader of North Korea

Stephanopoulos: shouldn't have used 'Password1'

Thomas: they have no sense of humor George

Stephanopoulos: well then they 
have something in common

Thomas: then movie theaters got
death threats and caved

Obama: we must not be
intimidated by death threats

Sony: we didn't cave we just
strategically backtracked

Thomas: Sony knows if they release
this movie will just get hacked again

Stephanopoulos: you're a former 
Sony executive - why did Sony 
cave to terrorists so easily

Singer: why are we all blaming the victim her?

Stephanopoulos: it's fun and easy

Singer: what about the government's
obligation to take revenge for criminal actions

Williams: the problem with taking revenge
is North Korea doesn't have any computers

Stephanopoulos: that's a problem

Williams: also we don't want to hurt
North Korean civilians like if we
shut off power to a hospital

Townshend: we can ask for China's help

Stephanopoulos: but they're 
cyber-terrorists too

Townshend: I know George

Stephanopoulos: can we drop the
movie into North Korea on little 
thumb drives on tiny parachutes?

Halvorssen: yes it would be great 
because it demystifies their Dear 
Leader as a bumbling idiot

Stephanopoulos: really?

Halvorssen: I know a girl from North Korea
who told me “Titanic” changed her life and
and at the end she cried and cried

Stephanopoulos: wow she was so moved
by how Jack sacrificed his life for Rose

Halvorssen: no she sobbed because 
that diamond that rich lady threw in 
the ocean could have fed every starving 
person in her village for a whole year

Stephanopoulos: oh

Halvorssen: she learned Westerners 
are so rich they throw priceless jewelry 
away like useless garbage

Stephanopoulos: so why not 
release the movie online so anyone 
can watch it for free

Singer: oh come on Sony has to 
make money - you would never 
put your tv show on the internet for free

Stephanopoulos: actually we do it every week

Singer: jesus you're kidding

Stephanopoulos: nope

Singer: you're still putting 
the burden on the victim

Townshend: Obama should show real
leadership like that time George W. Bush
stood on the rubble and yelled and 
then let bin Laden get away and said 
he didn't care about him

Stephanopoulos: those were good times

Townshend: Obama should screen the
movie in Times Square so we can have
a national moment of healing

Stephanopoulos: that might literally be
the dumbest idea I've ever heard

Williams: what if the Koreans shut 
down our power plants - how will 
we keep up with the Kardashians?

Stephanopoulos: scary!

Williams: the internet was not designed
to be attacked which is a shame

Stephanopoulos: thanks everyone

[ break ]

Avila: Cuba has long been the forbidden
fruit and home of the dance of love

Avila: the President conducted 18 months
of negotiations leading to a prisoner swap
and two first round draft picks

Avila: by January the U.S. will
have an embassy in Havana!

Avila: it's controversial but even people
in Florida support lifting the embargo

Stephanopoulos: good morning Marco

Rubio: hi George

Stephanopoulos: why shouldn't Americans
be free to travel where they want?

Rubio: because Cubans aren't
free so none us should be

Stephanopoulos: well the embargo 
has failed for 50 years

Rubio: exactly

Stephanopoulos: I don't follow

Rubio: right

Stephanopoulos: we have normal relations
with traditional friends like Vietnam and 
new enemies like Saudi Arabia

Rubio: and they're still not democratic!

Stephanopoulos: but you favor trade with China

Rubio: without China Wal-Mart would be
reduced to selling hand-crafted cat sweaters
your grandmother won't stop knitting

Stephanopoulos: you said the 
Pope hates freedom

Rubio: yes the Pope doesn't think 
people deserve to be free

Stephanopoulos: are you serious?

Rubio: yes also Obama should arrest 
women who want to have an abortion 
because of freedom

Stephanopoulos: Rand Paul criticizes 
you as an isolationist who wants to 
build a moat around Cuba

Rubio: he is supporting Obama 
which is by definition bad

Stephanopoulos: that sounds narrow minded

Rubio: American must be engaged 
on the global stage!

Stephanopoulos: except in Cuba

Rubio: exactly!

Stephanopoulos: is Jeb Bush a 
true conservative?

Rubio: no he's one of those rich 
insider squishes

Stephanopoulos: are you running 
for President?

Rubio: I'm pursing the American dream

Stephanopoulos: why would you
be a better President that Jeb Bush?

Rubio: because my family didn't
wreck the U.S. economy twice

Stephanopoulos: what's your agenda?

Rubio: it's all about American Dreams

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm happy to have followed this thoughtful and extraordinary nonsense for the last two or three years. I think I'm a better person for it.

(Begins weeping, then quickly leaves blog.)