Host: Martha Raddatz
Guests:
Matt
Gutman
Christine
Brennan
Brian
Ross
Jeff
Zeleny
Jonathan
Karl
Col.
Steve Ganyard
Ray
Kelly
Rep.
Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Rep.
Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Rep.
Tom Cole (R-OK)
David
Plouffe
S.E.
Cupp
Raddatz:
OMG I'm in New York City
because terrorism!
because terrorism!
Audience:
of course
Raddatz:
The U.S. Is just behind Norway
in
the medal count!
Audience:
Nor-a-way! Nor-a-way!
Matt
Gutman: security in Sochi is really tight!
Raddatz:
wow
Gutman:
the hotels suck, the water
is poisoned, there was a bee in
my honey and a bobsledder had
to crash through his bathroom door
is poisoned, there was a bee in
my honey and a bobsledder had
to crash through his bathroom door
Raddatz:
Christine how's it going to Sochi?
Brennan:
no one is worried about security
– people
are having loads of fun
Raddatz:
but the gays are protesting
Brennan:
we don't see them
Raddatz:
but they are there
Brennan:
US athletes are speaking
out
for gay rights
Raddatz:
isn't security really tight though?
Brennan:
it's not as scary as most American
sporting
events like the SuperBowl or even
New
York City's bus station
Raddatz:
really?
Brennan:
yes – I haven't seen a gun yet
Raddatz:
so basically green light for terrorists
Brennan:
not exactly
Ross:
OMG a plane was almost hijacked
which
is just like 9/11 which hit
New
York City and Washington DC!
Raddatz:
yes I recall that
Ross:
the stupid hijacker was tricked into
thinking
they had landed in Sochi
Raddatz:
nice
Ross:
to make everything went smoothly
during
the opening ceremonies the Russians
were
ready to shoot down any passenger plane
Raddatz:
the show must go on
Ross:
also we have learned Dagestan
warlords
have learned how to create
tiny
bombs out of toothpaste
Raddatz:
the MacGuyver of terrorists!
Ross:
indeed
Raddatz:
Congressman what
should
we be we be terrified of?
Rogers:
the Russians are very
aggressive including kicking down
doors which I highly approve of
aggressive including kicking down
doors which I highly approve of
Raddatz:
what else?
Rogers:
the Russians and Brits and French
are
all working together which is awesome
Raddatz:
what about the missing
Black Widows?
Black Widows?
Rogers:
they blew up a train station
last
month – they scare me a lot
Raddatz:
me too!
Rogers:
they don't have to attack the games
– they
can attack anywhere and anytime!
Raddatz:
so your focus is on the
entire
world outside the venues
Rogers:
right – the soft underbelly
is
outside the ring of steel
Raddatz:
are we ready to evacuate
out
athletes at any time?
Rogers:
yes but the Russians won't
tell
us all their secrets
Raddatz:
those commie fuckers!
[
break ]
Raddatz:
welcome Ray Kelly – what lessons
can
you provide to those stupid Russians?
Kelly:
intelligence is the most important thing
Raddatz:
you mean spying
Kelly:
it looks like the Russians are
doing
all they can do – they've got
100,000
security officers!
Raddatz:
can they prevent an attack or not?
Kelly:
well they're listening in on every conversation
Raddatz:
they sure are!! ha ha!
Raddatz:
what about the Rectangle of Steel?
Thomas:
it's a 1,500 square mile
system
that can detect the
presence
of any muslim
Raddatz:
can we get every American
out
of there fast?
Ganyard:
No of course not
Raddatz:
oh my god
Ganyard:
the Russians have put too much
emphasis
on preventing an attack and not
enough
on exploiting one to invade Iraq
Raddatz:
we have ships in the Black Sea
Ganyard:
but we don't speak Russian and
wouldn't
get past their anti-aircraft batteries
Raddatz:
that is so terrifying
Ganyard:
it is!
Raddatz:
those Russian fuckers won't
share
information with us
Thomas:
well it is their country
– after
all we didn't let them
roam
around Salt Lake City
Raddatz:
damn right we didn't –
you
can't trust those borscht-eating dipshits
Thomas:
calm down Martha
Raddatz:
I'm petrified
Kelly:
don't forget the Munich attacks
took
place 9 days into the games
Raddatz:
holy fucking crap
Kelly:
there will almost definitely be
an
attack somewhere someplace soon
Raddatz:
we're doomed!
Raddatz:
now we go to Jon Karl
who
will explain we can't have
immigration
reform because Obama is mean
Zeleny:
in January Boehner said we
must
have immigration reform but
now
says we can't have new laws
because
we must focus on bashing Obama
Karl:
got it
Zeleny:
McConnell washed his hands of it
Karl:
Congressman what went wrong
Cole:
Democrats keep blocking reform
Karl:
can we acknowledge that's stupid?
Cole:
no – Republicans genuinely hate Obama
Karl:
that's totally lame – and I'm a conservative!
Ellison:
for god's sake Obama
deports
1,000 people per day!
Karl:
it reform really dead?
Zeleny:
no but the GOP wants
to
ride anti-Obamacare wave
Karl:
I see
Cupp:
the GOP wants to win in 2014
then
they can a Republican reform
Karl:
with a Democratic President
Cupp:
also in his State of the Union
Obama
was partisan and divisive
Karl:
Obama deports more
people than Bush did!
people than Bush did!
Plouffe:
he's following the law
Karl:
true
Plouffe:
Republicans are being childish
– if
you don't do in 2014 you can't do it
in
2015 or 2016 which will be all
about
running for President
Karl:
oh well that's that
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