Sunday, February 09, 2014

Meet The Press – February 9, 2014

Richard Engel

David Brooks

E.J. Dionne

Andrea Mitchell

Mike Needham – Heritage Action

Mona Sutphen

Michael McFaul (U.S. Ambassador to Russia)

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH)

Amie Parnes

Jonathan Allen

Gregory: OMG the Olympics games

have started and we already had

our first attempted hijacking

Audience: wow

Gregory: also coming up today

Edward Snowden and Hillary Clinton

revenge and loyalty!

[ break ]

Gregory: talk terror to me Andrea

Mitchell: everyone is in total panic 
stage right now

Gregory: [ grinning ]

how does this impact the U.S.???

Dionne: we should permanently move

the Summer Olympics to Greece

and the Winter Games to Japan or Chile

and the Hunger Games to West Virginia

Brooks: the Games are now used

to prop up aging dictators and corrupt officials

Gregory: Richard you're actually in Russia

Engel: there are 70,000 troops,

anti-aircraft rockets and

two new cities and more

all of which cost $50 billion

Greg: good lord

Engel: these games are a signal

that the Russian empire is back

and better than ever

Gregory: I love it

Engel: but Ukraine is cracking up

and a US diplomat said fuck the EU

Gregory: ha ha that's hilarious

Engel: Putin leaked that tape

to keep Ukraine in Russia's orbit

Gregory: ambassador show terrified should I be?

McFaul: the threat level is high

Gregory: but Russia won't share

information with us which puts

our snowboarders and skaters in danger

McFaul: we're all on the same page here

Gregory: U.S.–Russia relations are bad

look at Ed Snowden and the whole EU thing

McFaul: we're BFFs when it comes

to Iran and Syria and Afghanistan –

we both agree those are awful quagmires

no sane nation wants a piece of

Gregory: oh come on – Putin is

an evil fucker – look at Snowden

and how Vlad is bugging Americans!

McFaul: spying on phone calls

is totally legal here

Gregory: cripes

McFaul: they leaked my phone calls

which I thought were private –

ironic that critics of the U.S.

don't mention that

Gregory: Putin didn't support our

fun Iraq war – are they a friend or foe?

McFaul: that's a stupid way of phrasing it

Gregory: just answer the question

McFaul: nations don't have friends

they have interests

Gregory: family members have asked

me 'Fluffy what's the deal with Russia?'

McFaul: Obama is not afraid to criticize

Russian human rights including

the whole anti-gay thing

Gregory: did they get our message?

McFaul: oh they got it trust me

Gregory: well then when will Russia

have gay rights in response to US demands?

McFaul: huh?

Gregory: is Ed Snowden a

spy for the Russians?

McFaul: we want Ed Snowden to

come home and face charges

Gregory: how many medals will America win?

McFaul: I'm a diplomat not a

sports expert – but I really

want to beat Russia!

Gregory: ha ha thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG Hillary Clinton might

run for President but Benghazi and Monica!

Audience: oh noe

Gregory: Clinton's staff has a hit list

of people insufficiently loyal to Hillary

Gregory: [ grinning ] tell me about

the dark side of Team Clinton

Allen: Bill Clinton kept an enemies list

and then exacted revenge

Parnes: they scared the hell

out of Claire McCaskill

Gregory: she has a 'bias for action'

but the truth was she thought

there should be a US presence

in Libya even though people could be killed

Allen: she's biased against doing nothing

Gregory: Republicans say she is too

eager to commit troops overseas unlike them

Parnes: her hawkishness bothers liberals too

Gregory: Monica Lewinsky!!

Parnes: if Bill Clinton will support her

like he supported Obama she's got it made

Gregory: why wouldn't he?

Allen: he's got a blind spot when

it comes to Hillary

Gregory: interesting

Allen: Obama figured out who

to use Bill Clinton

Gregory: he's a smart guy

Gregory: David Petraeus said she's tremendous

Parnes: she's not gregarious but

she grows on people

Gregory: will she run for President?

Allen: she's already running

Gregory: I love it!

[ break ]

Gregory: Rand Paul says Bill Clinton

doesn't respect young women!

Needham: Obamacare!

Gregory: what else?

Needham: O-bam-a-care!

Gregory: Benghazi!

Sutphen: calm down you two

Mitchell: the campaign is under way

she's got the big money people on speed dial

Gregory: Who will she run as?

Dionne: she can be either an

Obama insider or DC outsider

Gregory: interesting but Bill Clinton 
had an affair

Dionne: the American people think

he can screw anyone he wants if it

means peace and prosperity

Mitchell: what if Obama is defeated in 2014?

Brooks: Jerry Brown will challenge 
her from the left!

Needham: Bill Clinton used to be a

moderate and now he supports

marxists like DeBlasio

Dionne: who invited this idiot?

Gregory: I did!

Needham: the central park horses

deserve freedom from DeBlasio's

fascist government!

Sutphen: I heard you were all morons

Brooks: Hillary can't get past

Brian Schweitzer in the primaries

Mitchell: has Hillary ever actually

accomplished anything?

Gregory: the Wall Street Journal

said Obamacare will cost 2 million jobs

Dionne: actually they said it will create jobs

Gregory: I heard that

Dionne: Obamacare promotes

choice and family values

Gregory: that's too complicated

for people too understand

Brooks: we need women to leave

their children and go to work for the

benefit of The Fatherland

Sutphen: too many entrepreneurs

feel tied down to their jobs

by needing health care

Needham: Mitt Romney created jobs!

The CBO said Obamacare would cost jobs!

Mitchell: that's a lie

Gregory: let the debate continue!

[ break ]

Gregory: Chuck after the CBO report said

Obamacare would allow people job

flexibility are you on the

defensive on Obamacare?

Schumer: last time I checked

freedom is a good thing

Gregory: maybe

Schumer: spending time with

children is a family value

Gregory: I suppose

Schumer: if people leave their jobs

others will take those jobs unless

we have full employment

Portman: we need more people in the

workforce whether they want to be or not

Gregory: good point

Portman: also Obamacare hurts businesses

Gregory: I see

Portman: also Obamacare raises taxes

Gregory: you voted against extending

unemployment benefits – why?

Portman: that was the Democrats' fault

Gregory: okay

Portman: Democrats say

'let's do nothing to help people'

Gregory: I don't remember that

Portman: if we extend unemployment

benefits it will increase the debt which

will hurt the economy

Schumer: you're all bunch of sadists

Gregory: what about immigration reform?

Schumer: they say they don't trust

Obama but he's deported more

people than anyone else

Gregory: maybe but they hate

Obama and they run the House

Schumer: so put off enforcement until

after Obama is out of office

Portman: that's a good idea but the

now the GOP demands that we build

a 100 foot high wall around Mexico

Gregory: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Gregory: Did Schumer just have a

great idea to pass immigration reform?

Dionne: no he just called 
the Republicans' bluff

Needham: the American people don't

want bills about ski instructors they

want 11 million people forcibly deported!

Brooks: this issue comes down to

who runs the GOP – idiots or morons?

Sutphen: please get me out of here

Mitchell: the GOP is cracking up

Needham: I'm having a party

tomorrow and you should all come

Brooks: no thanks stupid

Needham: we hate lobbyists

and Hillary Clinton

Mitchell: you are a lobbyist

Brooks: he's an idiot

Gregory: and that's another

episode of Meet The Press

1 comment:

Jay said...

"Who runs the GOP – idiots or morons?" ought to be a bumper sticker.