Guests:
Jeff
Zeleny
James
Schmitt – Mayor of Green Bay
Sen.
Rand Paul (R-KY)
Sen.
Chuck Schumer (D – NY)
Stephanopoulos:
OMG it's really fucking cold!
Reporter:
holy shit Lake Michigan is frozen solid
Stephanopoulos:
yikes
Reporter:
Fargo will be 61 below zero
Stephanopoulos:
motherfucker
Reporter:
Atlanta will be 6 degrees
Stephanopoulos:
criminy it's not burnin' now
Reporter:
to keep safe remember
to
cover your ears and and
and
don't wear flip flops
Stephanopoulos:
what about the
big
football game Mayor?
Schmitt:
we will hand out hot chocolate
and
hope the Green Bay Packer
fans
use some common sense
Stephanopoulos:
good luck with that
Schmitt:
heh
Stephanopoulos:
the football field will be rock hard
Schmitt:
I hope so – we're used to it!
Stephanopoulos:
ha
Schmitt:
we're really worried about the 49ers fans
– they're
from San Francisco which means
they're
probably clueless hipster hacker
skateboarders
with one flannel shirt
and a
knit hat and some pot
Stephanopoulos:
I see
Schmitt:
this is Wisconsin –
we
drink beer and eat cheese and brats –
those
hippies will freeze to death here
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
Jeff what's
happening
on Capitol Hill?
Zeleny:
Republicans only need 6
Senate
seats to finally realize
their
dream of wrecking Obama's Presidency
Stephanopoulos:
nice
Zeleny:
the President is pushing
for unemployment relief
Stephanopoulos:
what else
Zeleny:
also we're going to have a
fight
over the debt ceiling because
of
course paying our bills is controversial
since
Obama was elected
Stephanopoulos:
welcome Senator Paul –
what
about extending unemployment benefits?
Paul:
it's wrong to borrow money from
China
since Obama took office
Stephanopoulos:
of course
Paul:
also we need to create jobs
Stephanopoulos:
well no kidding
Paul:
I am promoting Economic
Freedom
Zones which would cut taxes
Stephanopoulos:
why are you suing the NSA?
Paul:
because we fought the
Revolutionary
War in 1776 to prevent
the
government from creating a record
of phone records
Stephanopoulos:
The New York Times endorsed
clemency
for Ed Snowden but you said
Clapper
and Snowden should share a prison cell
Paul:
I don't think Snowden deserves
life
in prison but what he did is not
okay
either – also Clapper broke the law
Stephanopoulos:
so what is your position?
Paul:
Snowden revealed great
abuses
and Clapper lied to Congress!
Stephanopoulos:
bold statement
Paul:
also I think Clapper is a
good
man and a patriot I just think
America
would be safer if he were in prison
Stephanopoulos:
is it true you had
trouble
signing up for Obamacare?
Paul:
yes and I am totally uncertain
and
I keep getting error codes
and
it's an unfolding disaster
Stephanopoulos:
fantastic
Stephanopoulos:
what about immigration reform?
Paul:
I'm for expansive work visas
just
not citizenship
Stephanopoulos:
I see
Paul:
if the Democrats were humane
they
would let people work without
ever
becoming citizens
Stephanopoulos:
how about that Chuck?
Schumer:
look everyone wants
immigration
reform – businesses,
religions,
liberals, conservatives
Stephanopoulos:
not everyone
Schumer:
but Republicans realize
they
need to pass immigration reform
to
win elections
he was sick of the tea party jerking him around
Stephanopoulos:
President Rand Paul
just
said he was willing to sign unemployment
extension
if we can cut taxes
Schumer:
he's insulting people
desperate
and looking for work
Stephanopoulos:
perhaps but maybe
aid
makes them lazy
Schumer:
George Bush first pushed
unemployment
aid
Stephanopoulos:
will Obamacare
destroy the Democrats?
Schumer:
no it's doing well – all those
terrible
things people predicted are not happening
Stephanopoulos:
but but
Schumer:
shut up Stephy
Stephanopoulos:
Bill DiBlasio supports
raising
taxes on rich people
Schumer:
I'm staying out of this one
Stephanopoulos:
do you support
clemency for Ed Snowden?
Schumer:
no because a civil rights activist
is
required to face the consequences
and
go to prison like Martin Luther King
or Gandhi or Martha Strewart
Stephanopoulos:
I see
Schumer:
maybe Snowden hurt our agents overseas
Stephanopoulos:
maybe
Schumer:
who knows?!
Stephanopoulos:
that's all the time we have
No comments:
Post a Comment