Sunday, January 05, 2014

Meet The Press – January 5, 2013

Chuck Todd
Rep. Donna Edwards (D-MD)
Steve Schmidt
Judy Woodruff
Jim Cramer
Gene Sperling
Dr. Toby Cosgrove, President 
and CEO of the Cleveland Clinic
Dr. John Noseworthy, President 
and CEO of the Mayo Clinic
Richard Engel
Janet Napolitano

Gregory: OMG it's very cold and
Obama is in trouble!

Todd: so true Fluffy

Gregory: Todd how does Obama
salvage the wreckage of his life

Todd: fix that damn health care website

Gregory: why doesn't Obama get more
credit for the improving economy?

Edwards: because you bash him all the time

Gregory: oh right

Gregory: Steven bash Obama for me

Schmidt: Obamacare is doomed!

Woodruff: Wall Street is up 30% but
Americans aren't making any money

Gregory: Obama wants unemployment
benefits extended but Republicans are
concerned about fiscal responsibility

Sperling: that's unusual

Gregory: will Congress extend the benefits?

Sperling: I hope so

Gregory: but how do you do it
in a fiscally responsible way?

Sperling: the same benefits were
never paid for when Bush was President

Gregory: is it bad for the economy?

Cramer: you have to extend these benefits!!

Gregory: President Rand Paul says
giving benefits to people is mean
to people who need the benefits

Cramer: he's an idiot

Gregory: how do we keep unemployment
down and help businesses with their uncertainty?

Sperling: Obama has offered to cut
taxes on businesses in exchange
for infrastructure spending

Gregory: what about the minimum wage?

Cramer: we should raise it –
Wal-Mart can easily afford it!

Gregory: you surprise me Jack

Cramer: North Dakota needs people
how do we get them there??

Gregory: by bus?

Cramer: truck drivers can make $90k!

Gregory: how much do pundits pull down in Dakota?

Cramer: nothing Fluff

Gregory: dammit

Cramer: sorry david

Gregory: what about uncertainty?!

Cramer: Boeing will move all their
jobs to Ireland – leprechauns can
easily crawl inside those little engines

Sperling: the USA is more supportive
of businesses than ever – also we
need to raise the minimum wage

Cramer: we have an unemployment
and pollution problem and we're bringing
in more immigrants and stuff from China
which is closed for smog

Gregory: what about my stock portfolio?

Cramer: Obama hates Wall Street!!

Sperling: it's soared since Obama was sworn in!

Gregory: is Obamacare doomed?

Sperling: no it's not

Gregory: but Chuck Todd said Democrats
don't want to talk about Obamacare

Sperling: he's totally wrong – bring it on –
no more pre-existing conditions and
no discrimination against women

Gregory: no no no stop talking

Sperling: six million people now have health care

Gregory: shut up shut up

Sperling: young people on their parents insurance

Gregory: I'm not going to let you
get away with this Gene

[ break ]

Gregory: what's up docs?

Cosgrove: the real question
is will Obamacare lower costs?

Noseworthy: the law expanded access
to health insurance – but now we
have to tackle Medicare

Gregory: so what should we do about Medicare?

Noseworthy: Telehealth!

Gregory: do you guys understand Obamacare?

Cosgrove: I do know hospitals are 
going to be paid less

Gregory: that's so sad

Cosgrove: we'll survive

Gregory: are health consumers stupid?

Noseworthy: people don't think about
health until there are sick

Gregory: it's icky

Noseworthy: in the meantime we
have to modernize payments,
fund NIH and reform Medicare

Gregory: aha we have to slash Medicare!

Cosgrove: Americans are too damn fat

Noseworthy: hold the mayo

Gregory: have Republicans reached
out to you to fix Obamacare?

Cosgrove: um no

Noseworthy: yes – the Mayo Clinic is the
rock star of the health care world

Gregory: should marijuana be legal?

Noseworthy: marijuana has been
a powerful medicine for 5,000 years

Gregory: I heard the Mayans all got
hooked on ganja and their civilization disappeared

Cosgrove: I didn't know that

Gregory: thanks for coming gentlemen

[ break ]

Gregory: oh my god Fallujah is falling to al-qeada

Engel: it's all about Sunni vs Shiite

Gregory: cripes

Engel: it's the same thing in Syria

Gregory: which side should we be on?

Engel: the US invaded Fallujah twice
and now the government of Iraq
can't keep terrorists out

Gregory: oh dear

Engel: Fluffy the USA had to destroy
Fallujah and we still couldn't stop the
extremists so I'm not optimistic the
Iraq government will fare any better

Gregory: how about this Donna?

Edwards: this is not America's fight!

Gregory: does the USA have a
responsibility to fix Iraq?

Schmidt: sorry but we can't get involved
in a 700 year old civil war

[ break ]

Gregory: Chuck you follow marijuana
laws very closely if you know what I mean

Todd: civil rights advances always
come from the wackos out West and
eventually come to the elite snobs of
the east coast and finally the South gets on board

Gregory: I am a father and someone
in the FBI told me drugs are not cool

Woodruff: de-criminalizing drugs
is one thing but legalization is another

Gregory: so well put Jane

Woodruff: the law is wreaking havoc
in Colorado – what if snowboarders
start using marijuana??

Gregory: oh my god Judy

Gregory: David Brooks is worried
about our moral ecology

Edwards: regulating pot may actually make it safer

Schmidt: the war on pot is expensive
and racist and stupid

Gregory: but but drugs are bad

Schmidt: I don't worry about reefer I
worry about my kids seeing Miley Cyrus on tv

Woodruff: I understand she won't
stop and likely can't stop

Gregory: but I'm a father and worry
about the kids and their wacky weed

Schmidt: man up Fluffy and tell
your kids not to do drugs

[ break ]

Gregory: New York now has a
communist mayor – is liberalism back?

Todd: Gore and Bush were like the
same boring guy – now at least we
have a real divide between the two parties

Gregory: Obama let liberals down!

Woodruff: electing DiBlasio was also
a reaction to twelve years of Bloomberg

Gregory: Steve politically what's
going to happen in 2014?

Schmidt: nothing will ever happen
until we elect a Republican President
and can we can all stop caring about the debt

Schmidt: people should move to North Dakota

Gregory: it's colder there than on the surface of Mars

Schmidt: but it has a livelier arts scene

Gregory: possibly

Edwards: Bill DiBlasio is fighting
to close the inequality gap!

[ break ]

Gregory: Janet what about
security at the Olympic games?

Napolitano: if you see something say something

Gregory: what about Russia's preparation?

Napolitano: you gotta hope they're on the ball

Gregory: but there have been 
 bombings in Russia recently

Napolitano: eh that happens before every Olympics

Gregory: some are worried that Sochi
is well-guarded while the rest of Russia is exposed

Napolitano: good – the games must go on!

Gregory: Russia hates homosexuals
and the entire US delegation is gay

Napolitano: I also represent the
University of California which is very gay

Gregory: you are politicizing the games which is bad

Napolitano: the games have always been political

Gregory: but you're turning the Winter Olympics gay

Napolitano: have you ever seen figure skating
or ice dancing or the two-man luge – now that's gay

Gregory: what about macho events
like downhill skiing and speed skating

Napolitano: I haven't seen that many
men in spandex since my days at Studio 54

Gregory: did Ed Snowden damage America?

Napolitano: he's committed crimes
and hurt America for years to come

Gregory: would you give him clemency
if he promised to give the documents
he stole back?

Napolitano: no – he took it upon
himself to reveal the secrets
and it hurt the nation

Gregory: you used to oppose same-sex marriage

Napolitano: yes but I've changed my mind on that

Gregory: you endorsed Obama early
can you support Hillary Clinton?

Napolitano: she's not even running yet

Gregory: will she be fresh voice in 2016?

Napolitano: oh yes fresh a daisy

Gregory: Todd Gene Sperling called
you out on Obamacare

Todd: yeah well he's not a Democrat
running in a red state

Gregory: true

Todd: but Democrats can turn
the tables by asking the GOP why
they want to take away people's health care

Woodruff: this is an election year
so therefore nothing can happen in Washington DC

Gregory: of course – and that's
another episode of Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

It was nice seeing Donna Edwards.

Most of the rest can die in a fire.