Sunday, June 17, 2012

June 17, 2012
David Plouffe
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Doris Goodwin
Harold Ford
Kim Strassel
Mark Halperin
David Maraniss

Gregory: Welcome Dave P

Plouffe: yo Dave G

Gregory: what is more important -
Greece or Ohio?

Plouffe: I’m curious - is it possible for you
to ask a question without a shit-eating
grin on your face?

Gregory: so I hear you saying Europe
will doom the President’s chances in the fall?

Plouffe: that’s actually not what I said at all

Gregory: Obama is clearly playing
politics with immigrants’ lives

Plouffe: fuck you Fluffy

Gregory: but the politics Pluffy

Plouffe: He’ll sign a DREAM Act tomorrow
- send it on down Congress!

Gregory: President McCain says Obama
is grabbing power like grabby
power-grabbing guy

Plouffe: Congress won’t act on immigration
just like they won’t fix the economy

Gregory: Obama promised to enact
immigration reform -- why is he is such a failure?

Plouffe: We’re closed that motherfucking border!

Gregory: you’re just trying to win Latino voters

Plouffe: did you know Mitt Romney
would veto the DREAM Act and
deport 11 million people

Gregory: yeah that’s awesome

Plouffe: no isn’t!

Gregory: Obama wants to raise my taxes

Plouffe: yes - but he wants to cut taxes
for middle-income people

Gregory: who cares - you’re going raise
my taxes aren’t you - you bastard

Plouffe: tax cuts for the rich caused
the recession in the first place!

Gregory: but the Grand Bargain!

Plouffe: trickle-down didn’t work
in the past and it won’t work in the future

Gregory: in 2010 Bill Clinton said we
should vote against the guy who
defeated his wife

Plouffe: that didn’t happen and
who gives a fuck

Gregory: it could be true

Plouffe: Mitt Romney didn’t create jobs
in Massachusetts and that’s not surprising
because GOP policies wreck the economy

Gregory: Obama got a trillion dollar
stimulus, health care reform and
Dodd-Frank which didn’t cause
 an economic recovery!

Plouffe: Mitt Romney’s policies
would cause another Depression!

Gregory: Clinton Democrats are very
concerned that it may not be too
early to utterly panic

Plouffe: Clinton also said Romney
would a total calamity for America

Gregory: Hispanics will decide this
election won’t they

Plouffe: si

Gregory: what about these horrible
leaks of bin Laden being killed and
other state secrets

Plouffe: it’s so sad tales of Obama’s
toughness on terrorists keeps getting out

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: President McCain what about
Obama’s plan to let smart young
immigrants stay in America

McCain: this abuse of power has
never happened in American history

Gregory: so you will overturn it?

McCain: no because it’s a good idea

Gregory: um I’m confused

McCain: Obama won’t even call
Marco Rubio and make reform happen

Gregory: but you know that the GOP
is totally against immigration reform

McCain: that is also Obama’s fault

Gregory: are you kidding

McCain: we all have sympathy for these kids
who sadly must be deported so I can
be reelected by wackos

McCain: Obama is just doing the right
thing to divert attention from the
dropping price of gas

Gregory: Mitt Romney wants 11 million
people to self-deport

McCain: that’s not fair - he’s flip flopping
on this like everything else

Gregory: ok

McCain: Obama killed immigration reform

Gregory: are you fucking kidding

McCain: labor unions was what killed the Dream

Gregory: what about Mitt Romney

McCain: Romney is ready and willing
to change his position as a moment’s notice

Gregory: good to know

McCain: but also Romney would never
change federal policy as President

Gregory: really?

McCain: well he might I mean I’m
sure he would consider it

Gregory: Obama said the private sector
is doing fine - isn’t that just like when you
defended the economy in 2008?

McCain: no its different because when I
said that we had just entered a Depression
and Obama  has only added 4 million jobs

Gregory: I see

McCain: why won’t Obama bring back
a trillion dollars from overseas -
he just wants to tax that poor money

Gregory: it’s so unfair

McCain: Steve Jobs! Facebook!

Gregory: in 2008 you said Romney was evil
and didn’t create jobs

McCain: yes but I only said that to get elected

Gregory: oh that’s ok then

McCain: Dodd-Frank caused the recession 2008

Gregory: Sheldon Adelson plans on
donating $100 million to defeat Mitt Romney

McCain: I agree that labor unions are evil

Gregory: um ok

McCain: Obama goes to all these fundraisers
when he should be finding bin Laden

Gregory: he got bin Laden

McCain: what?!

Gregory: what about campaign finance abuse?

McCain: I have a crush on Sandra Day O’Connor

Gregory: are you concerned that Adelson
will have undue influence on policy

McCain: No because Richard Trumka is worse

Gregory: what about Syria

McCain: Obama should make their civil war
a fair fight by sending  whichever group
is less armed guns until it’s a tie

Gregory: I see

McCain: Obama doesn’t believe in American
leadership or exceptionalism

Gregory: getting involved in a
middle east civil war prove you believe
in U.S. leadership and exceptionalism?

McCain: women are being raped!

Gregory: that happens in Darfur too

McCain: who gives a fuck -
the important thing is Iran is bad!

Gregory: wait what?

McCain: where is my pudding?!
[ break ]

Gregory: wow Obama is talking about
the economy and our new Latino Overlords!

Halperin: Mitt Romney is awesome
and Obama an unsettled weenie

Gregory: you are so awesome

Strassel: Obama is a terrible President

Gregory: I love you

Ford: I disagree with both of you -
Obama is a loser and I should have
been the first black President

Gregory: what an interesting perspective

Ford: Greece should embrace the
austerity investment banks want

Gregory: don’t you work on Wall Street now?

Ford: that’s a coincidence

Gregory: Obama is so cautious

Maraniss: right Obama never takes
risks until he does

Gregory: that is so insightful

Maraniss: Obama is a dullard who
always misses the zeitgeist unlike
that awesome Bill Clinton

Goodwin: Obama needs to be like
Teddy Roosevelt and double
down on regulation

Gregory: ooh

Goodwin: he should say we need more stimulus!

Gregory: that’s a nice idea Doris but
Republicans are right most of the
time aren’t they

Strassel: Obama doesn’t want to talk
about the past he just talks about the
recession of 2008

Gregory: you are so smart

Strassel: Obama has a problem with
white people so he keeps reaching out to
women Hispanics and other assorted weirdos

Halperin: Obama is cheating by being popular

Gregory: how can we all elect Mitt Romney

Ford: Obama must stop attacking
Mitt Romney because fracking is awesome

Gregory: frack yeah!

Goodwin: Obama was only elected
President once - what a loser!

Strassel: America is broke!

Gregory: amazingly you discovered that
Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are
both smart and successful

Maraniss: Clinton had affairs and gets
out of them and Obama likewise is Kenyan
and got out of that

Gregory: wow

Maraniss: Once he got to the
White House Clinton got in trouble with
Monica Lewsinsky and Obama is the same
since after he was elected he became black

Gregory: Harold Ford you must ask yourself -
how did Obama pulls this off?

[ stares daggers are Gregory ]

Gregory:  Harold?

Ford: Obama is a loser who won’t fight for Simpson-Bowles

Gregory: Romney was raised politicians

Halperin: Romney doesn’t think of himself
as a politician - after all he was elected
once and then fired

Gregory: what does he seem himself as?

Halperin: as a robot sent from the future
to help America’s billionaires

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet the Press


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