Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
Gregory: it’s great to have you here Marco
Rubio: thanks Fluffy
Gregory: should Arizona police demand
the papers of suspiciously
Rubio: yes because Obama is weak
Gregory: should all 11 million
undocumented people go home
Rubio: did you know one million people
come here legally every year?
Gregory: answer the question Marco
Rubio: Obama keeps letting illegal people in
Gregory: he’s deporting more people
than anyone ever has!
Rubio: yes but we need a really big fence!
Gregory: I see
Rubio: after that we can talk about
those 11 million losers
Gregory: I’d like to talk about them right now
Rubio: a few months ago I invented
the idea of letting kids stay here
Gregory: you mean the DREAM Act
Rubio: oh no I hate that law -
mine is called the BAD DREAM Act
Gregory: what’s in it?
Rubio: Obama won’t shoot people
crossing the border!
Gregory: you haven’t said one thing
of substance since you sat down
Rubio: the DREAM Act would encourage
Gregory: do you agree with the President’s order?
Rubio: no because it was all political
which has no place in legislation or regulation
Gregory: why are you so sad
Rubio: the President never came
to me to endorse my law before
he took my idea away
Gregory: you never even introduced
a bill in Congress
Rubio: that was my tactic to expose
the hypocrisy of Democrats
Gregory: how clever of you
Rubio: look you don’t just rush out a
piece of legislation you own party despises
Gregory: Mitt Romney spent all
spring bashing illegal immigrations
Rubio: what all those people waiting
to come here legally - no one ever
talks about them
Gregory: Does the GOP have
a problem with Latinos?
Rubio: Most Republicans love immigrants
Gregory: ha ha
Rubio: it’s not fair because most Latinos
vote for Democrats because of their
policies on the economy and foreign policy
Gregory: so the GOP is not hated
just because of immigration
Rubio: that’s right - there are so
many other reasons
Gregory: what about the Supreme Court?
Rubio: Obamacare caused the recession
Gregory: what is the solution to the
national health care problem?
Rubio: all individuals should just
go out and buy health insurance
Gregory: good idea but what
about free riders?
Rubio: perhaps we could have some
kind of requirement
Gregory: should we raise taxes
and pay down the debt?
Rubio: I reject the premise - we must
cut taxes to grow the economy and
then we will have more money which
let us cut more taxes until we are all rich
Gregory: you said you would
never ever run for Vice President
Rubio: yes but that was before I
knew how much Romney would need me
Gregory: have you ever made a
bad decision that would disqualify
from ever being President
Rubio: making politics a career
Gregory: why did you leave the Mormon church
Rubio: I’m a politician - no one’s going
to vote for a freaking Mormon in Florida!
Gregory: you’re young and
vaguely ethnic like Obama
Rubio: he is so fucking cool
Rubio: its so sad - Obama could have
elevated America and instead became just
another politician letting people heckle him
Gregory: when will you run for President?
Rubio: In six years
Gregory: Biggie Smalls or Tupac?
Rubio: I’m West Coast all the way baby
Gregory: who is more popular Romney
Obama or Lebron James
Rubio: are those my only choices
Rubio: the black guy
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: welcome Darrell - you want to hold
Eric Holder in contempt
Issa: I need Holder’s e-mails to prove
he engaged in a cover-up
Gregory: the Bush administration
started a gun sharing program
Issa: Bush shut it down
Gregory: because there were indictments!
Issa: see how honorable they were!
Gregory: the documents you want
aren’t about the program - they are
about how they reacted to your investigation
Issa: we need answers
Gregory: to what?
Issa: to our questions!
Gregory: about what?
Issa: the cover-up!
Gregory: what cover-up?
Issa: of their plan to send guns to
criminals to make the NRA look bad!
Richardson: it seems like this is all political
Issa: Obama is just like Nixon!
Martin: Boehner doesn’t like this but
he always folds to the Tea Party
Issa: I didn’t want this fight - I really
wanted to impeach Obama over
his birth certificate
Mitchell: politics in Washington -
who would ever have thought?
Gregory: what about immigration?
Richardson: Obama created
two million Hispanic jobs
Richardson: and not just in landscaping!
Gregory: that’s amazing
Martin: are we going to mass deport
eleven million people?
Issa: sadly probably not
Gregory: so then what should we do
Issa: border control must have real teeth
Gregory: meaning what
Issa: Vampire Border Guards
Mitchell: Marco Rubio is whining but
he still won’t say what his plan is or
might be or could be
Gregory: Romney is vetting
potential Vice Presidents
[ Romney on tape: ]
even that Cuban guy what’s
his name Margeaux
Martin: Romney is determined not
to repeat the mistake that rhymes
with Sarah Palin
Gregory: who should he choose?
Richardson: why not Rubio - at least
he’s interesting and the others are boring
Mitchell: what about choosing
the most qualified person
Issa: that’s crazy enough to work
Martin: Romney will make a
Management Consult decision
Issa: that will optimize the
platform going forward
Martin: I hear buzz about Condi Rice!
Issa: she was a disaster!
Martin: or also Rubio
Issa: Jack Kemp was going to
be chosen and then he wasn’t
Audience: and then he was
Gregory: Is Paul Ryan radioactive?
Issa: President Obama said
Paul Ryan had great budget ideas
Gregory: he did?
Issa: I have a subpoena out to prove it!
Richardson: he will choose the
person who will help him win - period
Issa: well then who will Obama choose ha ha ha
Biden, bursts into studio:
Hey Darrell - you know what’s a really
big fucking deal? My fist!
[ punches Darrell Issa ]
Issa: ow Joe you broke my nose
Biden: don’t cross me car-stealing motherfucker!
Mitchell: the possibility overturning
the health care law is a huge
defeat for Barack Obama
Gregory: what about will happen
Issa: Republicans will have to quickly
scramble to put the popular things in
Obamacare back into law
Gregory: you people like the benefits of
health insurance without having to buy it
Issa: yes - who knew?
Martin: progressive hate Obama
but if the court strikes the health care law
they may rally around him
Gregory: what a denoument
Martin: but of course it would be another
rebuke for Obama just like when he ruined
America’s credit rating
Gregory: Romney is raising a hella lot of cash
Mitchell: Mitt knows how to raise money
for doing nothing - it’s what he does
Issa: so we should elect him President -
Romney will get bankers and corporations
to pay America’s bills
Gregory: in exchange for what?
Issa: we can let them own Washington DC
Richardson: that ship has sailed
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press