Sunday, July 17, 2011

Meet The Press - July 17, 2011

Jack Lew - Director Office of Management and Budget
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Il)
Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
Gov. Jon Kasich (R-Ohio)
David Cote - CEO Honeywell
Marc Morial - National Urban League
David Faber - CNBC
Diane Swonk - Mesirow Financial Holdings
Gregory: omg debt ceiling might not be
raised and Rupert Murdoch is almost
out of Horcruxes!

Gregory: Jack is a deal imminent?

Lew: I have no fucking idea

Gregory: will we default?

Lew: all members of Congress agree that
we can’t let that happen so maybe

Gregory: Is Obama insisting on
raising my taxes?

Lew: no he’s also wiling to cut entitlements

Gregory: but my taxes!

Lew: he offered to cut $2 trillion
in spending

Gregory: our creditors will say that’s
not nearly enough!

Lew: we’d like to cut $4 trillion
to placate the Chinese

Gregory: 53% of Americans are against
raising the debt ceiling

Lew: most people are idiots

Gregory: Michele Bachmann says
we should default

Lew: she’s one of them

Gregory: what would happen if we
don’t raise the ceiling?

Lew: it wreck the American economy -
other than that no biggie

Gregory: this is Obama’s total failure
of leadership isn’t it

Lew: no Obama inherited a disaster

Gregory: that’s a programmed answer

Lew: it’s true

Gregory: I don’t care

Lew: we all know that David

Gregory: Obama has failed in his job
to make the GOP act rationally

Lew: you are a silly person Fluffy

Gregory: Senator do we have to
raise the debt ceiling?

DeMint: probably

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

DeMint: cut spending, cap all future
spending, and enact a Constitutional
Amendment to give the Job-Creators®
mints on their fluffy pillows every night

Gregory: [ high pitch squeal ]
OMG he’s right Dick!!!

Durbin: we could put the 10 Commandments
in the Constitution but you try keeping
David Vitter away from prostitutes

Gregory: Americans are disgusted with the
GOP fighting for default and with Democrats’
big spending ways and no one is
willing to compromise

DeMint: we are willing to compromise -
we caved in to Obama on his request to
increase in the debt ceiling to pay for the
bill Republicans ran up when Bush was President

Gregory: that’s a compromise?

DeMint: darn right it is

Gregory: will you yield on your useless
Constitutional amendment and let American default?

DeMint: All hail Moody’s!!

Gregory: righty-o

DeMint: now that a black man Democrat
is President I realized we can’t borrow more
any money without bankrupting the nation

Gregory: you seem somewhat detached from reality

DeMint: I’m scared!

Gregory: Dick you worried about the debt
when Bush was President and now it’s higher

Durbin: yeah well it was his policies that
caused this mess in the first place

Gregory: Obama is a bad leader!

Durbin: Fluffy Obama is the most
patient dude ever - no other President would
have sat there while Eric Cantor pouted and
screamed “I want what I want when I want it!”

Gregory: what happens now?

DeMint: Obama needs to propose a
Republican plan - then we can agree

Durbin: in the middle of this crisis the
Senate is going to debate a Constitutional
amendment that can never pass

Gregory: should there be Congressional
hearings on News International?

Durbin: absolutely - Rupert Murdoch is like
some international arch-criminal from
a James Bond villain and a good one -
not one with Roger Moore

DeMint: here’s how you makes the
hacking scandal go away -
Congress needs to enact a Constitutional
amendment to make Fox the only news
organization in the country

Gregory: Governor please explain
what the hell is going on in Washington

Kasich: in my state we cut taxes,
wiped out our debt and Ohio became a
business-friendly fucking paradise!

Gregory: should we default on the debt?

Swonk: people in other countries are astonished
that America would artificially create a
debt crisis that doesn’t exist

Gregory: why isn’t Congress willing to slash
spending in this recession?

Cote: as a businessman I find Washington
politicians scary

Gregory: what’s going on with Rupert Murdoch?

Faber: he used to control events in U.K.
and now all his enemies smell blood -
he’s lost his top aide in Britain, his top editor
in the U.S., and that snake he carries around
his neck was just arrested

Gregory: Jon you used to work for Fox

Kasich: It’s a terrible thing - the real victim
here is poor Rupert Murdoch!

Gregory: I see

Kasich: the real problem is businesses donate
to Democrats who let thugs play sports and
put gay people on my tv

Gregory: this is truly a fascinating “Jobs Summit”

Morial: we needs a plan to create jobs -
not cut the damm debt!

Gregory: why do we have a jobless recovery?

Swonk: because ethical business leaders
like Rupert Murdoch are reluctant to be
seen with politicians

Gregory: good point

Swonk: Sweden did everything right -
they slashed spending and gave businesses
whatever they wanted and 20 years later
unemployment is still high

Gregory: well as long as they 'did everything right'

Faber: Bush didn’t create jobs - which proves
America can’t do it

Honeywell: there’s too much uncertainty!

Kasich: consumer spending is up -
but businessmen need certainty -
certainly lower taxes!!

Morial: consumers are not certain they
will have a job in the future!

Gregory: Obama just has to admit government sucks

Kasich: Businesses are on the sidelines
because the debt is high

Faber: Honeywell has $3 billion in cash!

Swonk: the silver lining is we’ve
had lots of IPOs lately

Faber: Groupon has hired 7,000
new employees which will be great
until the bubble bursts

Kasich: we need to give businesses
vouchers to hire people

Gregory: whatever you say Jon

Kasich: Certainty!

Gregory: John Boehner says taxes destroys
jobs but Ron Brownstein says jobs go up when
taxes are raised

Kasich: Taxes are just another way for
liberals to spend more giving welfare to
thuggish gay people

Gregory: that is so sad

Kasich: look I’m willing to support
lowering taxes on the rich

Gregory: President Grover Norquist
claims to care about the debt but won’t raise taxes

Morial: there’s a huge tax loophole
lobby industry in Washington!

Gregory: some of those loopholes are very nice

Morial: food stamps did not cause
the damm deficit!

Gregory: why are some rich companies
not paying taxes at all?

Cote: if you really cared about poor people
you would have zero taxes on corporations

Gregory: what else would help the poor?

Cote: eliminate corporate taxes on overseas income

Swonk: if we had no taxes we’d have
no tax lobbyists and no one likes them

Gregory: but Washington can’t agree on anything

Faber: the real question the American
people need to ask themselves is -
what will please our creditors?

Gregory: when are we going to bring
back the housing bubble cause that was awesome

Faber: the only jobs Bush created were
in housing which was all a bubble and
ended in disaster

Gregory: you sir are an official Job-Creator® -
thrill me with your acumen

Cote: if we drilled more in the U.S. gas prices
would go down and people would have more
money and that would create jobs

Gregory: you are indeed a fascinating man

Morial: just raise the damm debt ceiling!

Gregory: a dude on Facebook says both sides
are bickering like kindergarteners

Audience: how does those Facebookers
stay so topical?

Cote: both sides are engaged in mutual asphyxiation

Audience: oh my

Cote: it’s so sad - we can’t be a great power
until we slash taxes even more!

Kasich: God put us in office - that’s why
every American needs to look in the mirror and say
- what taxes can I cut to help businesses create jobs?

Gregory: and that’s another episode
Of Meet The Press