Sunday, July 31, 2011

Meet The Press - July 31, 2011

David Plouffe - White House Advisor
Sen. John Thune (R-SD)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Tom Brokaw
Jim Cramer

Gregory: OMG we’re in a debt ceiling crisis
but now I hear we may have deal!

Todd: the deal is a Super Committee which
will recommend spending cuts or there will
be a trigger of automatic spending cuts
across the board

Gregory: that sounds great

Todd: Democrats are not happy so it’s not over yet

Gregory: Pluffy what is the deal?

Plouffe: first we are going to have a trillion
dollars in cuts and then the Super Committee will
recommend more cuts and may look at taxes

Gregory: the Super Committee won’t do
anything will it

Plouffe: there will be pressure from the bipartisan
halleluja chorus for the Super Committee to
make a deal

Gregory: well that’s true but no one can
agree on anything these days

Plouffe: the pressure will come from the
trigger which will have frightening spending cuts

Gregory: so no tax increases at all in this deal?

Plouffe: the Committee will raise taxes!

Gregory: it sounds like you gave everything away
in exchange for vague promises of nothing

Plouffe: Hopefully the Committee will raise taxes

Gregory: what is with all these fucking committees??

Plouffe: people just love committee meetings

Gregory: why don’t you just slash entitlements already?

Plouffe: this debate isn’t over - we’re going to
have this fight over this all through 2011 and 2012

Gregory: what about my 401(k) ??

Plouffe: don’t worry rich people - a deal will
be made to protect you

Gregory: who gets paid when there is a default?

Plouffe: nobody - there’s no fucking money

Gregory: what about soldiers in combat?

Plouffe: the GOP would rather protect
tax breaks for private jets than pay them

Gregory: so what would be in this trigger anyway?

Plouffe: maybe closing tax loopholes
unless the GOP says no

Gregory: Would you cut Medicare please?

Plouffe: that’s what the GOP wants

Gregory: I know that - so do it!

Plouffe: maybe if we raised taxes too

Gregory: would Obama invoke the 14th Amendment?

Plouffe: no - the GOP just wants to create
a Constitutional crisis

Gregory: the economy is not growing at all

Plouffe: Obama inherited a Depression and
this debt ceiling debate hasn’t helped

Gregory: but I’m sure the GOP just wants
to help Obama

Plouffe: we need to put people to work
burning bridges

Gregory: you mean building them?

Plouffe: whatever works

Gregory: don’t we really need a third party ?

Plouffe: the traditional Republican Party has
gone crazy so Obama has stepped in to fill that gap

Gregory: so you’re saying we really need
a third party!

Plouffe: no and Fluffy you’re a moron

Gregory: maybe

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator will you vote to pay the bills
for money we’ve already spent?

Thune: not without large spending cuts and
no tax increases

Gregory: what about the Super Committee?

Thune: it’s ok if it has the power to lower taxes

Gregory: Social Security drives the debt!

McCaskill: the GOP wants to take take money
from poor old people and give it away to
rich oil companies

Thune: no we took it from lazy leeches and
gave it to Job Creators

Gregory: I speak for the American people -
your attacks on the GOP are ludicrous!

McCaskill: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: we must cut Social Security!

Thune: Frankly your praise for the GOP is
right on David

McCaskill: we should cut defense

Gregory: what about Medicare!! [ grinning ]

McCaskill: you are a grinning fool fluffy

Gregory: I love Republicans but my 401(k) is in danger

Thune: sure but since Obama became President
I'm afraid we insist on dollar-for-dollar spending cuts
to raise the debt ceiling

Williams: the American people believe in empty clich├ęs!

Reid: we’re tried to give them what they want Brian

Gregory: wouldn’t default just be another tax increase

Thune: in 2010 the American people voted
for tax cuts for the rich and defaulting on our debts

McCaskill: we all agree on massive spending cuts
- when the Moderate Middle speaks that’s
when American shines

Gregory: John you are so good looking -
are you running for President?

Thune: um no

Gregory: how about Vice President?

Thune: that’s a useless job for a person
who is essentially an empty suit devoid of ideas

Gregory: so that’s a yes

Thune: right

Gregory: Code Red! Code Red!

Cramer: CEOs are worried Obama will sell
the gold in Fort Knox

Gregory: that fiend!

Cramer: it’s potentially a global crisis

Brokaw: people are Fed Up™ with all the Bickering®!!!

Gregory: you are so wise

Bro: this is a Sad Commentary™

Gregory: Raul you are a crazy Tea Partier

Labrador: hey this debt was created over 30 years
so we have to solve it right now

Gregory: that sounds crazy

Labrador: if Democrats had supported
John Boehner there would be no problem

Granholm: this whole debate is completely insane

Gregory: Medicare is causing the debt!

Brokaw: we all went all a big spending binge -
the Republicans had their wars and Democrats
gave underserving people homes to live in

Gregory: truly we are all to blame

Brokaw: the American people got used to
the government taking care of problems -
well that has got to stop

Cramer: the Tea Party is going to cause a
recession if there is no agreement

Gregory: people love Social Security so we
should slash it

Labrador: I am sick of people saying
default is a crisis

Cramer: aaaarrrrrrhhhhh!!!!!!!

[ jumps out the window ]

Gregory: there goes Jim

Labrador: we should raise taxes on the poor!

Gregory: will you vote for the current
debt ceiling plan?

Labrador: probably even though the
government still exists

Brokaw: your state is on welfare -
would you give it up?

Labrador: yes because the federal government is evil

Gregory: Default is the fault of hippies
from the 1960s who gave away the store to
old and poor people
[ grinning ]

Granholm: we need to cut but we also
need to invest in order to grow the economy

Lab: Jennifer Granholm caused the recession
while Texas grew by cutting taxes

Granholm: we lost manufacturing jobs you dolt

Gregory: I quoted the Wall St. Journal and now
let quote Peggy Noonan calling Obama a loser

Cramer: Obama created fear because
the Tea Party threatened to default

Brokaw: if Obama is a loser then Boehner is an idiot

Labrador: Default is no big deal because we can
pay some people and not others

Cramer: help help

Gregory: will the Super Committee raise taxes?

Labrador: I agree there should be tax reform -
lower for the rich and higher for the poor

Gregory: what about T-bills?

Cramer: they’re perfectly safe Fluffy -
unlike jumping out the window which
I regret in retrospect

Gregory: what will happen in 2012 ?

Brokaw: I don’t know but I’ll tell you this -
the Tea Party got angry and organized and they won

Labrador: hee hee

Brokaw: In Reagan’s time we didn’t have
Chinese Overlords - it’s a whole new world

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Brokaw: people are Fed Up™ with all the Bickering®!!!

Gregory: you are so wise

"Heh, heh, heh", he sobbed.

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