Meet the Press - February 28, 2010

Guests:
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Nancy-Ann DeParle: White House health reform director
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)
Marc Morial - President National Urban League
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Gregory: what happened at the health care summit?

McCain: it was 7 hours - almost as much fun as
a Matlock marathon

Gregory: so it was good

McCain: yes but the President is planning to seize tyrannical power by passing laws with 51 votes

Gregory: so how will you react if the Democrats
do this terrible thing

McCain: reconciliation is evil

Gregory: you voted for reconciliation 9 times

McCain: yes but I objected strenuously to my votes

Gregory: Obama reminded you that the American people hate you

McCain: yes but the idea that you pass laws with
60 votes and a massive majority in the House is
just plain crazy

Gregory: how odd

McCain: it’s totally unsavory to make a deal to build a hospital in Connecticut behind closed doors

Gregory: you’re kidding

McCain: policy cannot be made by deals made
with lawmakers

Gregory: with all due respect you cannot possibly
be serious

McCain: I am serious and don’t offer me pudding
if you don’t have any

Gregory: John I didn’t offer you pudding

McCain: [ yells at cloud ]

Gregory: this bill is just like RomneyCare

McCain: why don’t the Democrats just agree to what Republicans want after all I was elected President - not him

Gregory: no you weren’t - you lost

McCain: then why I am always on tv?

Gregory: you’re the Jerry Stiller of pundit tv - a hilariously weird grandpa

McCain: look the way you have bipartisan negotiations is you get drunk with Ted Kennedy
and completely forget what you agreed to -
Obama didn’t do this that way at all

Gregory: How should Obama do it?

McCain: agree to everything Republicans want

Gregory: is it good for Republicans to do nothing?

McCain: the American people want us to start over go behind closed doors and make a deal

Gregory: why do the American people hate the bill so much?

McCain: the people hate cynical deals made behind closed doors

Gregory: you’re senile but JD Hayworth is insane

McCain: believe me I know

Gregory: is Obama a socialist?

McCain: look Obama refuses to sit down with us

Gregory: he sat down with you this week

McCain: which proved how wily he is!

Gregory: you said before that if military leaders supported repealing ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ You would agree but now you don’t

McCain: but there’s a supply sergeant in Germany who doesn’t like gays so we can’t

Gregory: I see

McCain: they are all saying no

Gregory: no they aren’t

McCain: it’s clear that we are in two wars so
gays are icky

Gregory: you voted for the evil TARP

McCain: Hank Paulson lied to me!!!

Gregory: you seem easily fooled

McCain: I’m no Matlock

Gregory: he says without TARP we’d have 25% unemployment

McCain: I read it in all the newspapers - they lied to all of us and saved General Motors which is nuts!!

Gregory: Iraq has been incredibly successful - can we do the same wonderful things in Afghanistan?

McCain: oh of course - but don’t forget we could still fail in Iraq - that’s what a great idea invading was

Gregory: should we leave Afghanistan?

McCain: I would appreciate it if Obama would go to Afghanistan and tell them he is never leaving

Gregory: anything else

McCain: he could name me President

Gregory: see you next week John

[ break ]

Gregory: Nancy can Obama pass health care reform or not?

DeParle: the President is trying desperately to point out we really need to enact reform

Gregory: do you have the votes?

DeParle: No

Gregory: has the President finally realized Republicans will never stop calling him a Nazi
New Guinean Witch Doctor?

DeParle: hey health care reform already passed the House and Senate by 60 votes

Gregory: McCain objects to all your secret deals

DeParle: I don’t know what Senile John is talking about

Gregory: oh but you did make Super Secret Deals!!

DeParle: how do you know?

Gregory: Honest John McCain told me!

DeParle: the election is over and the geezer lost!

Gregory: how can you go ahead with health care reform when the American people don’t want it

DeParle: they do want health care reform Fluffy

Gregory: if that’s true then why didn’t I put up
a poll that shows that?

DeParle: because you’re a liar and a corporate whore

Gregory: David Brooks says you should raise taxes

DeParle: he’s an idiot

Gregory: but he’s right

DeParle: so let him raise taxes or shut the fuck up

[ break ]

Gregory: Eric why hasn’t health care reform passed?

Cantor: because the American people have decided that health care is no big deal and the most important thing is not letting people sue for malpractice

Wasserman Schultz: hey dipshit right now we’ve got death panels and they are called insurance companies and Dancin’ Dave if you want to quote
a poll - quote that!

Gregory: General Electric won’t let me

Gregory: the reality is that people hate health
care reform

Morial: the reality is that you’re a paid liar

Brownstein: we saw different philosophies this week - the Dems want to cover people with health insurance and Republicans want to protect corporations from lawsuits

Kay: you American idiots have health care just above fucking Cuba

Gregory: let’s face it - Republicans are right all Americans hate the government

Morial: holy shit I heard you are a moron

Cantor: we Republicans care about suffering people - the best way to help people is to empower them to negotiate for heart surgery while they are dying

Wasserman Schultz: good god people are already paying for poor people getting treatment in an emergency room

Gregory: no no no reality check time

Brownstein: the CBO says ObamaCare would lower the deficit but the GOP says they don’t count because it supports a Democratic plan

Gregory: of course

Brownstein: the real problem is white people are afraid they will be giving something free to a lazy black person

Wasserman Schultz: Democrats would cover people, cut costs and cut taxes and the GOP would provide gold toilets to the CEO of all the big insurers

Cantor: we have an [ air quotes ]
“incremental approach”

Wasserman Schultz: that’s code for do nothing

Cantor: we have universal coverage in our bill

Wasserman Schultz: no you don’t you fucking lizard

Cantor: how did you know I was a reptile?

[ rips off face, sticks out forked tongue ]
HISSSSSSSS

Gregory: eww

Kay: If the GOP can carry the amphibian and reptilian votes they can carry Florida and Arizona

Morial: what ever happened to fucking democracy?!?

Cantor: Pelosi wants to ram through her homosexual agenda

Wasserman Schultz: they just want Obama to fail
- oy vey

Gregory: Eric could you support anything in ObamaCare?

Cantor: tort reform, fewer restrictions on insurers and Obama resigning

Gregory: Obama should never have pushed for a necessary popular health care reform

Kay: that’s entirely dimwitted Daniel

Gregory: my name’s David

Kay: really?

Morial: we need to pass a motherfucking bill!

Brownstein: this is a gut-check moment Democrats - get off your ass take a risk and go for it on 4th and goal - you’re almost in the damm end zone!

Gregory: Charlie Rangel broke ethics rules!

Cantor: oh no so so so sad [ begins weeping ]

Wasserman Schultz: oy gevalt!

Gregory: Obama tried to get Governor Paterson out - and now look what’s happened

Kay: this proves Obama has no clout

Gregory: ha that makes no sense at all - we’ll leave
it there -- Go USA!
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by Culture of Truth
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