February 7, 2010
Tim Geithner - Sec. Of the Treasury
Tapper: Good morning - unemployment is still really high and even more jobs were lost in the Bush recession than we thought - which is good news
for the Republicans
Geithner: hey when we got here we were losing 750,000 jobs and now we’re also losing jobs
but not as many
Tapper: are we going to double dip?
Geithner: no - that’s like putting your whole mouth
in the bowl!!
Tapper: are you doing enough?
Geithner: we’re doing enough - but Congress is not
Tapper: oh well that’s ok then
Tapper: President Brown says the stimulus
didn’t create any jobs
Geithner: hey I just read a cool article in Cosmo -
"10 Ways to Stimulate Your Man’s Economy"
Tapper: tell me about your failures
Geithner: we’ve made dramatic progress from a shitty economy to a sucky one
Tapper: but isn’t the real problem is that Americans don’t make anything useful and don’t have any money
Geithner: I have $10 in my pocket
Tapper: Mad Eye Moody says the debt is too high
Geithner: hey I’m a real financial wizard
Tapper: are triple AAA bonds the best investment
Geithner: I don’t trust the auto club
Tapper: you’re not serious about cutting the debt
Geither: for god’s sake Obama promised a fake spending freeze
Tapper: oh pshaw anyone can do that
Geithner: deficits matter and we have to raise
taxes and cut spending
Tapper: sure-fire election winner genius
Geithner: I iz smart
Tapper: You and I know we have to cut Medicare and Medicaid
Geithner: I am giving you a serious look
Tapper: I also giving you my serious look
Geithner: I also - look at my serious face
Tapper: speaking of right wing talking points -
will you promise to never raise taxes?
Geithner: I iz deeply serious
Tapper: People hate government - is this mostly your fault?
Tapper: but you have so many fuck-ups
Geithner: but I have serious face
Tapper: that’s true but so do I
Tapper: Obama’s HAMP program sucks
Geithner: true but I supported it when I thought it was a universal HEMP program
Tapper: you toke dude?
Geithner: dude I get baked every night
Tapper: that explains a lot actually
Tapper: you don’t even want to regulate banks -
Geithner: dude I don’t intend on working in government forever
Tapper: and they won’t be able to compete with other global criminals!
Geithner: Jake you are wise
Tapper: you have suffered so much it’s like a banking ‘Hurt Locker’
Geithner: the economy came to a sudden stop -
it was like driving a Pinto made by Toyota
Tapper: but personally Timmy it must have driven you crazy
Geithner: indeed it I did Jakester
Tapper: Timmy - call me