Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Nancy-Ann DeParle: White House health reform director
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)
Marc Morial - President National Urban League
Gregory: what happened at the health care summit?
McCain: it was 7 hours - almost as much fun as
a Matlock marathon
Gregory: so it was good
McCain: yes but the President is planning to seize tyrannical power by passing laws with 51 votes
Gregory: so how will you react if the Democrats
do this terrible thing
McCain: reconciliation is evil
Gregory: you voted for reconciliation 9 times
McCain: yes but I objected strenuously to my votes
Gregory: Obama reminded you that the American people hate you
McCain: yes but the idea that you pass laws with
60 votes and a massive majority in the House is
just plain crazy
Gregory: how odd
McCain: it’s totally unsavory to make a deal to build a hospital in Connecticut behind closed doors
Gregory: you’re kidding
McCain: policy cannot be made by deals made
Gregory: with all due respect you cannot possibly
McCain: I am serious and don’t offer me pudding
if you don’t have any
Gregory: John I didn’t offer you pudding
McCain: [ yells at cloud ]
Gregory: this bill is just like RomneyCare
McCain: why don’t the Democrats just agree to what Republicans want after all I was elected President - not him
Gregory: no you weren’t - you lost
McCain: then why I am always on tv?
Gregory: you’re the Jerry Stiller of pundit tv - a hilariously weird grandpa
McCain: look the way you have bipartisan negotiations is you get drunk with Ted Kennedy
and completely forget what you agreed to -
Obama didn’t do this that way at all
Gregory: How should Obama do it?
McCain: agree to everything Republicans want
Gregory: is it good for Republicans to do nothing?
McCain: the American people want us to start over go behind closed doors and make a deal
Gregory: why do the American people hate the bill so much?
McCain: the people hate cynical deals made behind closed doors
Gregory: you’re senile but JD Hayworth is insane
McCain: believe me I know
Gregory: is Obama a socialist?
McCain: look Obama refuses to sit down with us
Gregory: he sat down with you this week
McCain: which proved how wily he is!
Gregory: you said before that if military leaders supported repealing ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ You would agree but now you don’t
McCain: but there’s a supply sergeant in Germany who doesn’t like gays so we can’t
Gregory: I see
McCain: they are all saying no
Gregory: no they aren’t
McCain: it’s clear that we are in two wars so
gays are icky
Gregory: you voted for the evil TARP
McCain: Hank Paulson lied to me!!!
Gregory: you seem easily fooled
McCain: I’m no Matlock
Gregory: he says without TARP we’d have 25% unemployment
McCain: I read it in all the newspapers - they lied to all of us and saved General Motors which is nuts!!
Gregory: Iraq has been incredibly successful - can we do the same wonderful things in Afghanistan?
McCain: oh of course - but don’t forget we could still fail in Iraq - that’s what a great idea invading was
Gregory: should we leave Afghanistan?
McCain: I would appreciate it if Obama would go to Afghanistan and tell them he is never leaving
Gregory: anything else
McCain: he could name me President
Gregory: see you next week John
[ break ]
Gregory: Nancy can Obama pass health care reform or not?
DeParle: the President is trying desperately to point out we really need to enact reform
Gregory: do you have the votes?
Gregory: has the President finally realized Republicans will never stop calling him a Nazi
New Guinean Witch Doctor?
DeParle: hey health care reform already passed the House and Senate by 60 votes
Gregory: McCain objects to all your secret deals
DeParle: I don’t know what Senile John is talking about
Gregory: oh but you did make Super Secret Deals!!
DeParle: how do you know?
Gregory: Honest John McCain told me!
DeParle: the election is over and the geezer lost!
Gregory: how can you go ahead with health care reform when the American people don’t want it
DeParle: they do want health care reform Fluffy
Gregory: if that’s true then why didn’t I put up
a poll that shows that?
DeParle: because you’re a liar and a corporate whore
Gregory: David Brooks says you should raise taxes
DeParle: he’s an idiot
Gregory: but he’s right
DeParle: so let him raise taxes or shut the fuck up
[ break ]
Gregory: Eric why hasn’t health care reform passed?
Cantor: because the American people have decided that health care is no big deal and the most important thing is not letting people sue for malpractice
Wasserman Schultz: hey dipshit right now we’ve got death panels and they are called insurance companies and Dancin’ Dave if you want to quote
a poll - quote that!
Gregory: General Electric won’t let me
Gregory: the reality is that people hate health
Morial: the reality is that you’re a paid liar
Brownstein: we saw different philosophies this week - the Dems want to cover people with health insurance and Republicans want to protect corporations from lawsuits
Kay: you American idiots have health care just above fucking Cuba
Gregory: let’s face it - Republicans are right all Americans hate the government
Morial: holy shit I heard you are a moron
Cantor: we Republicans care about suffering people - the best way to help people is to empower them to negotiate for heart surgery while they are dying
Wasserman Schultz: good god people are already paying for poor people getting treatment in an emergency room
Gregory: no no no reality check time
Brownstein: the CBO says ObamaCare would lower the deficit but the GOP says they don’t count because it supports a Democratic plan
Gregory: of course
Brownstein: the real problem is white people are afraid they will be giving something free to a lazy black person
Wasserman Schultz: Democrats would cover people, cut costs and cut taxes and the GOP would provide gold toilets to the CEO of all the big insurers
Cantor: we have an [ air quotes ]
Wasserman Schultz: that’s code for do nothing
Cantor: we have universal coverage in our bill
Wasserman Schultz: no you don’t you fucking lizard
Cantor: how did you know I was a reptile?
[ rips off face, sticks out forked tongue ]
Kay: If the GOP can carry the amphibian and reptilian votes they can carry Florida and Arizona
Morial: what ever happened to fucking democracy?!?
Cantor: Pelosi wants to ram through her homosexual agenda
Wasserman Schultz: they just want Obama to fail
- oy vey
Gregory: Eric could you support anything in ObamaCare?
Cantor: tort reform, fewer restrictions on insurers and Obama resigning
Gregory: Obama should never have pushed for a necessary popular health care reform
Kay: that’s entirely dimwitted Daniel
Gregory: my name’s David
Morial: we need to pass a motherfucking bill!
Brownstein: this is a gut-check moment Democrats - get off your ass take a risk and go for it on 4th and goal - you’re almost in the damm end zone!
Gregory: Charlie Rangel broke ethics rules!
Cantor: oh no so so so sad [ begins weeping ]
Wasserman Schultz: oy gevalt!
Gregory: Obama tried to get Governor Paterson out - and now look what’s happened
Kay: this proves Obama has no clout
Gregory: ha that makes no sense at all - we’ll leave
it there -- Go USA!
by Culture of Truth