David Axelrod - White House Senior Advisor
Sen. John Kyl - (R-Arizona)
Stephanopoulos: speaking of your health care victory 6 hours ago - Republicans says it is already a failure because they don’t like it
Axelrod: that is shocking
Stephanopoulos: isn’t it terrible to pass a bill
without a single vote from members of a party everyone hates?
Axelrod: no it’s a good bill and we will pass it without the votes of the party which thinks Obama was born a muslim-Kenya witch doctor in Indonesia
Stephanopoulos: but this is a faith based bill
Axelrod: no 60 senators support the bill representing most of the country - plus this law
will help people with preexisting conditions and many others without health insurance
Stephanopoulos: Nelson and Holy Joe will fillybuster the bill if does any good for anyone beside rich evil insurers
Axelrod: that’s true but Nelson can be bribed
and Holy Joe can be reasoned with
Axelrod: no actually he’s a slimy fucker
Stephanopoulos: you are going to raise
taxes on Cadillacs!
Axelrod: also Yugos
Stephanopoulos: will this bill ban abortion
or make it mandatory?
Axelrod: the compromise is that women who want an abortion will have to drive really far to get one and we thinks that’s fair
Stephanopoulos: what about Stupak?
Axelrod: fuck him
Stephanopoulos: you called Howard Dean insane
Axelrod: well I’m not a psychiatrist but he is
Stephanopoulos: but liberals gave up everything and Nelson got whatever he wanted
Axelrod: it’s true but we needed the 60 votes
Stephanopoulos: liberals don’t want to hear
excuses about math - they want results
Axelrod: yes I noticed that
Axelrod: look I hear what Howard Dean is saying but this bill helps millions of people so it would be bad to kill it
Stephanopoulos: is Iran about to nuke Kansas?
Stephanopoulos: what are you going to do about it?
Axelrod: we are going work in Iran to sow divisions within both liberals and conservatives so nothing can ever get done
Stephanopoulos: can you really do that?
Axelrod: we did it in the U.S. so we can do it there
Stephanopoulos: Kyl is this bill evil?
Kyl: the American people are very much against
this bill unveiled 24 hours ago so we must not allow it to pass
Stephanopoulos: I see
Kyl: also the fuckers in Nebraska get this for free - no fair
Stephanopoulos: why do you hate Nebraska?
Kyl: Hey George - why do six different states border Nebraska?
Stephanopoulos: I don’t know
Kyl: Nebraska sucks
Stephanopoulos: ha good one
Stephanopoulos: Dick what about all the charge
that no one has seen this bill?
Durbin: jesus fuck they read the entire bill on
the floor yesterday
Kyl: yeah but that was during “Jersey Shore” marathon so no one in the Republican caucus was watching
Stephanopoulos: Kyl the CBO says it will lower the debt and will cover 30 million people - who wouldn’t support that??
Kyl: yeah but that still leaves 20 million uninsured
Stephanopoulos: oh I forgot you were insane
Kyl: also insurance premiums will still go up
and also people will still get sick
Durbin: jesus what sick lying fucker you are
Stephanopoulos: Dick will you commit to voting Republican if you have not eliminated illness
Durbin: this covers 94% of Americans!
Kyl: the liberals broke a truce that the GOP would pretend to be against abortion except for their own daughters and liberals would pretend to protect poor women without doing anything for them
Durbin: hey we still give free money to the Catholic church so they should shut the fuck up
Stephanopoulos: what about the looming threat
of global warming?
Durbin: the wily Chinese are taking all our green jobs - the jolly green giant is being replaced by Godzilla!
Kyl: I’m against sending China money
Stephanopoulos: you really are a weirdo