Sunday, December 20, 2009

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - December 20, 2009

David Axelrod - White House Senior Advisor
Sen. John Kyl - (R-Arizona)
Stephanopoulos: speaking of your health care victory 6 hours ago - Republicans says it is already a failure because they don’t like it

Axelrod: that is shocking

Stephanopoulos: isn’t it terrible to pass a bill
without a single vote from members of a party everyone hates?

Axelrod: no it’s a good bill and we will pass it without the votes of the party which thinks Obama was born a muslim-Kenya witch doctor in Indonesia

Stephanopoulos: but this is a faith based bill

Axelrod: no 60 senators support the bill representing most of the country - plus this law
will help people with preexisting conditions and many others without health insurance

Stephanopoulos: Nelson and Holy Joe will fillybuster the bill if does any good for anyone beside rich evil insurers

Axelrod: that’s true but Nelson can be bribed
and Holy Joe can be reasoned with

Stephanopoulos: really?

Axelrod: no actually he’s a slimy fucker

Stephanopoulos: you are going to raise
taxes on Cadillacs!

Axelrod: also Yugos

Stephanopoulos: will this bill ban abortion
or make it mandatory?

Axelrod: the compromise is that women who want an abortion will have to drive really far to get one and we thinks that’s fair

Stephanopoulos: what about Stupak?

Axelrod: fuck him

Stephanopoulos: you called Howard Dean insane

Axelrod: well I’m not a psychiatrist but he is
pretty weird

Stephanopoulos: but liberals gave up everything and Nelson got whatever he wanted

Axelrod: it’s true but we needed the 60 votes

Stephanopoulos: liberals don’t want to hear
excuses about math - they want results

Axelrod: yes I noticed that

Axelrod: look I hear what Howard Dean is saying but this bill helps millions of people so it would be bad to kill it

Stephanopoulos: is Iran about to nuke Kansas?

Axelrod: maybe

Stephanopoulos: what are you going to do about it?

Axelrod: we are going work in Iran to sow divisions within both liberals and conservatives so nothing can ever get done

Stephanopoulos: can you really do that?

Axelrod: we did it in the U.S. so we can do it there

Stephanopoulos: Kyl is this bill evil?

Kyl: the American people are very much against
this bill unveiled 24 hours ago so we must not allow it to pass

Stephanopoulos: I see

Kyl: also the fuckers in Nebraska get this for free - no fair

Stephanopoulos: why do you hate Nebraska?

Kyl: Hey George - why do six different states border Nebraska?

Stephanopoulos: I don’t know

Kyl: Nebraska sucks

Stephanopoulos: ha good one

Stephanopoulos: Dick what about all the charge
that no one has seen this bill?

Durbin: jesus fuck they read the entire bill on
the floor yesterday

Kyl: yeah but that was during “Jersey Shore” marathon so no one in the Republican caucus was watching

Stephanopoulos: Kyl the CBO says it will lower the debt and will cover 30 million people - who wouldn’t support that??

Kyl: yeah but that still leaves 20 million uninsured

Stephanopoulos: oh I forgot you were insane

Kyl: also insurance premiums will still go up
and also people will still get sick

Durbin: jesus what sick lying fucker you are

Stephanopoulos: Dick will you commit to voting Republican if you have not eliminated illness
by 2015?

Durbin: this covers 94% of Americans!

Kyl: the liberals broke a truce that the GOP would pretend to be against abortion except for their own daughters and liberals would pretend to protect poor women without doing anything for them

Durbin: hey we still give free money to the Catholic church so they should shut the fuck up

Stephanopoulos: what about the looming threat
of global warming?

Durbin: the wily Chinese are taking all our green jobs - the jolly green giant is being replaced by Godzilla!

Kyl: I’m against sending China money

Stephanopoulos: you really are a weirdo


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