Jennifer Granholm - Gov. of Michigan
Christina Romer - Chair, White House Council
of Economic Advisors
Gregory: Obama says Wall Street screwed
over the nation
Romer: yeah pretty much
Gregory: so is the U.S. fucked?
Romer: we were but things are turning around
Gregory: would financial reforms have prevented
the major meltdown?
Romer: that’s the point behind the new laws
Gregory: but answer my hypothetical question!
Romer: are you some kind of idiot?
Gregory: Obama says Wall Street doesn’t get it
Romer: they don’t - unless by ‘it’ you mean free government money in which case they do
Gregory: but Wall Street creates jobs on Main street - why punish them?
Romer: because they’re total fucktards
Gregory: But doesn’t Obama want Goldman Sachs to make money so it can trickle down to the
Romer: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: how long is this recession going to last?
Romer: we’ll go up and down for a while
Gregory: is the recession over?
Romer: no it will be over when Obama is reelected and we have secure jobs
Gregory: why didn’t Obama declare War on Unemployment
Romer: Greggers we immediately passed the
biggest stimulus in the history of the nation
Gregory: but the stimulus failed
Romer: I don’t have crystal balls
Gregory: I think Mitt Romney has those
Gregory: you said we should have a
$1.2 trillion stimulus
Romer: yeah well I was proven fucking right
Gregory: but shouldn’t have it been bigger?
Romer: it was the best we could get from the assholes in Congress
Gregory: the L.A. Times says we have to cut the deficit first
Romer: ah morons abound
Gregory: so Obama doesn’t care about stealing
from our children?
Romer: recovery is the only way to cut the deficit
Gregory: so you will raise taxes, increase the debt and kill America
Romer: 1 in 10 of Americans are unemployed dancing dave!
Gregory: so how do you pay for it??
Romer: you borrow money in a recession you fool
Gregory: so how will we know when it’s over
Romer: when unemployment is at 5%
Romer: hey you’ve held this job for a year
which amazes me
Gregory: Alan no offense but I get mixed messages from the White House
Greenspan: the bad news is we’re at the bottom but the good news is I’m a bottom
Gregory: Jenny 8,675,309
Gregory: that’s the number of jobs Michigan has lost
Granholm: it would have been much worse without Obama’s efforts
Romney: the economy is growing but the stimulus failed and killed jobs
Gregory: some would say that Romney is partisan yet some would say the sun shines out of his ass
Gregory: some would say Obama is a failure but on the other hand the Republicans had a lot of great ideas like a payroll tax holiday
Cramer: where’s the money!?
Gregory: some would say Reagan was a great President - how do answer this charge Ayn Greenspan?
Greenspan: we did that by wearing onions on
our belts which was the style at the time
Gregory: what jobs will we create - I mean we suck
Granholm: we’ll make solar panels - we’ll aim them
at Mitt Romny’s ass
Romney: Let’s take the stimulus bill and use that money to allow business to deduct taxes and let’s take wasted TARP money and use the money being returned from banks to give that to banks
Cramer: business are hiring in Brazil and Russia because businesses have successfully captured the governments there
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
a lot of people say the U.S. has no commitment to capitalism and businesses are terrified of government!
Greenspan: banks have lots of money - they just won’t lend it because most small businesses would
Gregory: the President attacks Wall Street which
is the Happiest Place on Earth - why is he doing that???
[ starts sobbing ]
Granholm: our auto companies would love start making good cars but they need loans to stop manufacturing junk
Gregory: maybe American products just suck
Romney: the problem is people are terrified of financial rules and possible good health care
and so of course make crap
Gregory: Krugman says unemployment is bad
Greenspan: sorry the Fed has done all it could possibly do - TARP was very necessary but inflation is scary so people should just eat apple cores
Gregory: what about Fed independence?
Greenspan: Oh I think it’s terrible that Congress would threaten it
Gregory: like when you shilled for the Bush
Greenspan: I like pudding!
Gregory: Mitt how do you answer
the charge that Obama is soft on evil?
Romney: [ rebooting ]
Cramer: hey we have to raise taxes to pay
for our wars
Romney: we can pay for wars and lower taxes
- all we have to do cut pay for government workers who make much more money than people in the private sector
Gregory: where will unemployment be next year?
Greenspan: much lower, luckily because of
Gregory: that’s government
Gregory: should we raise interest rates?
Greenspan: we should change rates to 5 bees
for a dollar
Granholm: we can’t be all doom and gloom
- I mean at least we all have jobs
Greenspan: not me
Granholm: be quiet or I’ll put you in place we saw on “America’s Worst Nursing Homes”
Greenspan: I’ll be good
Gregory: ok that’s the final word