This Week with George Stephanopoulos
August 10, 2008
Guest Host: Jake Tapper
Guests: Gov. Bill Richardson and Gov. Bobby Jindal
Tapper: hi in case you don't who the fuck i am - do not change your channel and watch women's dodgeball -- i'm jake tapper
Audience: hi jake
Tapper: why do you hate america, america?
Tapper: Ok Bill-o what's up with Georgia
Richardson: we should go to the Security Council and get them to tell Russia to stop it
Tapper: but they're on the Security Council and can veto that
Richardson: see what a bad idea it is??
Tapper: But isn't John McCain right about everything - shouldn't we resort to name-calling and issue empty threats for all international problems?
Richardson: or we could try negotiation and diplomacy and see if we can get friends to help us
Tapper: oh fuck friendship - that's for weenies
Richardson: sure Tappy
Tapper: omg god this is a serious crisis is it really appropriate to point out that John McCain's top policy guy took money from Georgia while discussing a crisis in Georgia??
Richardson: you're right i apologize - but Obama will bring together unlike Senator McLobbyist
Tapper: Is John Edwards’ career over??
Richardson: oh sure John McCain committed adultery and his career was pretty much destroyed
Tapper: no fair - it's different he's a Republican no one expects them be moral
Richardson: yeah I figured that out
Tapper: if we had drilled offshore 10 years ago we would reap benefits of great lower gas prices right now - isn't the energy crisis all Bill Clinton's fault??
Richardson: thank you for editorializing on behalf of the McCain campaign this morning it saves time
Tapper: you’re welcome
Tapper: what do Hillary supporters want?
Richardson: hell if I know - Hillary wants money and I'm helping her get it
Tapper: Bobby Jindal is Barack Obama an agent of the Kremlin?
Tapper: what else
Jindal: he's too young - who can trust him??
Tapper: so are you
Jindal: exactly who on earth would you trust me??
Tapper: McCain says Obama voted for a pork barrel energy bill that you also voted for
Jindal: that was a great bill - there was lots of money that saved coastlines
Tapper: so why did McCain vote against it
Jindal: he's a maverick!
Tapper: should we drill in the Arctic or not?
Jindal: hell yeah - my state is despoiled we should be the only ones to suffer??
Tapper: so McCain is wrong
Jindal: no he's embraced solar energy
Tapper: so should we put solar panels back on the white house?
Jindal: hell no that would surrender to the Heliofascist Conspiracy
Tapper: Democrats in Louisiana are racist but isn't the McCain wallowing in that shit too?
Jindal: of course - but I'm supporting McCain because i'm a loony and i resent the implication that a brown person can't be just as crazy as a white Republican
Jindal: that’s better!
Tapper: should Obama cockpunch McCain?
Will: no Obama is haughty and pretentious and has grandeur
Tapper: seen a mirror lately George?
Cokie: he is the worst whippersnapper ever to darken my home city - what is he doing in a foreign exotic place like the set of Lost?? oh my stars!!!
[ whips out fan and pearls ]
Clarke: oh calm down cokie
Tapper: tire gauges - Torie!!
Clarke: this is ridiculous - all i know is people should inflate their tires and Obama is a silly person
Bye: there is no such thing as right or wrong -- i will simply repeat the campaign talking points
Cokie: this is horrible even Lindsay Graham undercut my best friend John McCain
Tapper: what the fuck does McCain believe anyway?
Will: McCain's charm is that he doesn't believe anything - he just reacts on instinct
Cokie: that's what we need - a true break from the Bush administration!
Cokie: no one likes self-righteousness
Tapper: seen a mirror lately Cokie??
Torie: women cheat too - but female politicians have already scarificed too much to get where they are whereas men see fooling around as a perk of the office
Will: why didn't the press report on this unknown fake non-story before?
Tapper: maybe they didn't know or care
Will: if the press had reported on that fucker FDR's wheelchair we would have been spared that damm New Deal
Bye: this is just like Larry Craig although he committed a crime
Cokie: Edwards is news because he might have been attorney general under Obama and we can't have an AG with a wandering penis
Will: Obama is too soft on Russia they are an evil empire
Tapper: but Bush was hugging Putin at the Olympics
Torie: true but Bill Richardson has a beard and is fat
Cokie: why don't we rush to Georgia's aid and send troops now??
Will: i loved the attack on the Falklands we should do that again
Cokie: Obama needs to surround himself with a white-haired respected guy like Nunn -- i just don't trust that dood
Tori: Nunn- give me a break
Tapper: does Evan Bayh provide gravitas
Cokie: i like Evan Bayh
Will: Bayh or be radical and choose Biden
Tori: yes it must be Bayh
Tapper: Bayh it is - Barack -- The DC Beltway Establishment has spoken
Obama: [watching tv at home in Hawaii]
oh well fuck all of you then