Sunday, August 10, 2008

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - August 10, 2008

This Week with George Stephanopoulos
August 10, 2008
Guest Host: Jake Tapper
Guests: Gov. Bill Richardson and Gov. Bobby Jindal

Tapper: hi in case you don't who the fuck i am - do not change your channel and watch women's dodgeball -- i'm jake tapper

Audience: hi jake

Tapper: why do you hate america, america?

Audience: booooo

Tapper: Ok Bill-o what's up with Georgia

Richardson: we should go to the Security Council and get them to tell Russia to stop it

Tapper: but they're on the Security Council and can veto that

Richardson: see what a bad idea it is??

Tapper: But isn't John McCain right about everything - shouldn't we resort to name-calling and issue empty threats for all international problems?

Richardson: or we could try negotiation and diplomacy and see if we can get friends to help us

Tapper: oh fuck friendship - that's for weenies

Richardson: sure Tappy

Tapper: omg god this is a serious crisis is it really appropriate to point out that John McCain's top policy guy took money from Georgia while discussing a crisis in Georgia??

Richardson: you're right i apologize - but Obama will bring together unlike Senator McLobbyist

Tapper: Is John Edwards’ career over??

Richardson: oh sure John McCain committed adultery and his career was pretty much destroyed

Tapper: no fair - it's different he's a Republican no one expects them be moral

Richardson: yeah I figured that out

Tapper: if we had drilled offshore 10 years ago we would reap benefits of great lower gas prices right now - isn't the energy crisis all Bill Clinton's fault??

Richardson: thank you for editorializing on behalf of the McCain campaign this morning it saves time

Tapper: you’re welcome

Tapper: what do Hillary supporters want?

Richardson: hell if I know - Hillary wants money and I'm helping her get it

Tapper: Bobby Jindal is Barack Obama an agent of the Kremlin?

Jindal: yes

Tapper: what else

Jindal: he's too young - who can trust him??

Tapper: so are you

Jindal: exactly who on earth would you trust me??

Tapper: McCain says Obama voted for a pork barrel energy bill that you also voted for

Jindal: that was a great bill - there was lots of money that saved coastlines

Tapper: so why did McCain vote against it

Jindal: he's a maverick!

Tapper: should we drill in the Arctic or not?

Jindal: hell yeah - my state is despoiled we should be the only ones to suffer??

Tapper: so McCain is wrong

Jindal: no he's embraced solar energy

Tapper: so should we put solar panels back on the white house?

Jindal: hell no that would surrender to the Heliofascist Conspiracy

Tapper: Democrats in Louisiana are racist but isn't the McCain wallowing in that shit too?

Jindal: of course - but I'm supporting McCain because i'm a loony and i resent the implication that a brown person can't be just as crazy as a white Republican

Tapper: sorry

Jindal: that’s better!

Tapper: should Obama cockpunch McCain?

Will: no Obama is haughty and pretentious and has grandeur

Tapper: seen a mirror lately George?

Cokie: he is the worst whippersnapper ever to darken my home city - what is he doing in a foreign exotic place like the set of Lost?? oh my stars!!!

[ whips out fan and pearls ]

Clarke: oh calm down cokie

Tapper: tire gauges - Torie!!

Clarke: this is ridiculous - all i know is people should inflate their tires and Obama is a silly person

Bye: there is no such thing as right or wrong -- i will simply repeat the campaign talking points

Cokie: this is horrible even Lindsay Graham undercut my best friend John McCain

Tapper: what the fuck does McCain believe anyway?

Will: McCain's charm is that he doesn't believe anything - he just reacts on instinct

Cokie: that's what we need - a true break from the Bush administration!

Cokie: no one likes self-righteousness

Tapper: seen a mirror lately Cokie??

Tapper: Edwards!!

Torie: women cheat too - but female politicians have already scarificed too much to get where they are whereas men see fooling around as a perk of the office

Will: why didn't the press report on this unknown fake non-story before?

Tapper: maybe they didn't know or care

Will: if the press had reported on that fucker FDR's wheelchair we would have been spared that damm New Deal

Bye: this is just like Larry Craig although he committed a crime

Cokie: Edwards is news because he might have been attorney general under Obama and we can't have an AG with a wandering penis

Will: Obama is too soft on Russia they are an evil empire

Tapper: but Bush was hugging Putin at the Olympics

Torie: true but Bill Richardson has a beard and is fat

Cokie: why don't we rush to Georgia's aid and send troops now??

Will: i loved the attack on the Falklands we should do that again

Cokie: Obama needs to surround himself with a white-haired respected guy like Nunn -- i just don't trust that dood

Tori: Nunn- give me a break

Tapper: does Evan Bayh provide gravitas

Cokie: i like Evan Bayh

Will: Bayh or be radical and choose Biden

Tori: yes it must be Bayh

Tapper: Bayh it is - Barack -- The DC Beltway Establishment has spoken

Obama: [watching tv at home in Hawaii]

oh well fuck all of you then

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