Saturday, August 23, 2008

Barack Obama’s Announcemnt of Joe Biden as his candidate for Vice President

Obama's Introduction of Joe Biden as his Choice for Democratic Nominee for Vice President
Springfield, Illinois
August 23, 2008
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. Joe Biden
Obama: Hellllloooooooo Springfield!!!

Obama: Are the Simpsons in teh House?!?!!!

Homer: woo-hoo!!!!!

Marge: Homey!!

Obama: Thanks Dick Durbin!

Bart: ha ha he said dick

Homer: hee hee hee

Lisa: [ rolls eyes]

Marge: Hmmmmmrrrrrrr

Obama: holy shit almost 2 years ago I said I was gonna be president and no one believed it

Crowd: yaaaaaaay

Obama: as i've traveled all across america i have realized this one truly fucked up nation

Crowd: yeah!!!

Obama: The Time for Change has come

Crowd: Wooooooooo!!!!

Obama: I've searched America for a decent capable old white man

and searched

and searched

Crowd: yay!!!

Obama: and i did not find that man -- so I finally picked Joe Biden

Crowd: whooooooooo!!!

Obama: he is uniquely suited to be my attack dog who is also acceptable to the D.C. media

Crowd: clap clap clap

Obama: Joe Biden was born in Buffalo to Tim Russert's father

this was so traumatic he developed a stutter

Crowd: [ laughs ]

Obama: then as a child he worked in the sweatshop paper mills of Dunder Mifflin

then became a single father which as we all know is a sign of elitism

and rides a train every day which as we all know is all about communism

Crowd: Yaaaaaaaaaaayyy!!

Obama: then he had brain aneurysm - let's face it, between living in Scranton, a childhood working in the Dunder Mifflin paper mill, and catholic school - the man has had it rough

Crowd: awwwwwwwwww

Obama: he looked Slobodan Milosovic in the eyes and told him he was a terrible dresser

he's met with dictators and been in war zones and he even went to Georgia and ate at the best Italian restaurant in Atlanta - the Olive Garden - that my friends is sacrifice

Crowd: yaaaaaaaaayyy!!!

Obama: He's a true statesman who has authored legislation and knows government and foreign affairs and the supreme court has met with world leaders and and done more than i have and that is why he is ready to have a job with no responsibilities whatsoever!!!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Obama: it is time for truly radical change - it is time to turn the page - it is time to rock the world - IT IS TIME FOR JOE BIDEN!!!

Crowd: [ clap clap clap ]

Obama: The Next President -- Bruce Springsteen!!!!!

Crowd: Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuceeeeee!!!!

Biden: i not only know how many houses i have i know where my feet are!!

Crowd: Yaaaayy!!!!!!

Biden: Barack is the son of a globe trotting do-gooding white woman and kenyan alcoholic muslim man -- just like me!

Crowd: Wooooo-hoooooo!!!

Biden: laddies and doods teh american dream is to grow up blue-collar and spend your life in teh senate and then run for a meaningless job under a black man half your age

Crowd: [ applause ]

Biden: i know you people are poor and hurting and bush-cheney are fucking you over

Crowd: right on!

Biden: laddies and gentlepersons let's face it there is one hell of a big Shitpile out there

Crowd: damm right!

Biden: i know you sit at the kitchen table and worry -- well John McCain has it worse than you do -- he can't decide which of his 7 tables to sit at


Biden: but the good news we got the skinny guy from Chicago with the funny name

Biden: but we will succeed by telling people the truth

Crowd: no don't do that

Biden: there are 44 senators older than me

Crowd: holy shit

Biden: the reckoning is now

Crowd: yaaaaaaaaaayy!!

Biden: i like John McCain but I'm afraid to say that John supports George Bush

Crowd: Oh noes!

Biden: hell he thinks Bush has been a good president

Crowd: noooooooooooo

Biden: he supported Stupid on Iraq

Crowd: OMG!!!!


Biden: holy shit who are these crazy people

Biden: i like Barack America


Biden: all right jeez

Biden: but i admit the guy kicked my ass in the primaries and he's got something good

Crowd: yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Biden: he's a clear eye pragmatist!!


Biden: he fought against nukes and for ethics and wounded soldiers

Crowd: preach it brother

Biden: What can I say - there is something about this guy - I sure wish i had it but i don't and frankly it's amazing

Crowd: suck it peeps!!

Biden: Obama fought in Patton's army and won eight gold medals and will raise your kids in space

Obama: Boooo-yaaaaaaah!!!!

Biden: i'm here for the white people, the blue-collar workers, the lunch bucket carriers, the mullet wearers of America!!!

Crowd: amen!

Biden: This is America's time and may Jesus Mary and Joseph protect America's troops!!!


No comments: