Meet The Press
December 9, 2007
Guest: Mayor Rudy Giuliani
Russert: people hate you in iowa why is that
Giuliani: fuck iowa
Russert: that's it
Giuliani: hey you never know i have a lot mob ties in florida
Russert: you're funnelling money to huckabee aren't you
Giuliani: i sent a few goons his way
Russert: what else
Giuliani: i hope to win in New York
Russert: i heard they hated you there
Giuliani: that's true but they also hate romney and huckabee too
Russert: other states you can win?
Giuliani: new jersey and delaware
Russert: that's where all the bodies are buried i hear
Giuliani: you heard right fat man
Russert: iran will not have a bomb until 2015 and halted its program in 2003 they are highly rational says the NIE
Giuliani: i hate arabs
Russert: but doesn't this mean we shouldn't attack iran tomorrow
Giuliani: no not at all after all someday far far in the future they may have a bomb
Russert: should we attack?
Rudy: it would be very dangerous and risky
Russert: so no?
Rudy: no we should attack it would be more risky and dangerous not to attack
Russert: are you mad?
Rudy: in 2003 saddam was deposed
Russert: are you saying that's why they stopped
Rudy: no not all
Russert: so what was the reason
Russert: because we attacked Afghanistan
Russert: but the NIE says it was diplomatic pressure
Giuliani: forcible diplomatic pressure! that's what caused Khaddfi to surrender
Russert: surrender what?
Giuliani: those epaulets!
Russert: you agree with Podehrotz that we should bomb tomorrow
Giuliani: i reject extremsists on both sides
Russert: but he's your advisor
Giuliani: i like crazy men
Russert: you say Dems are weak for not seeing Osama declaring war on the US but you didn't do anything
Giuliani: i didn't see it coming
Russert: but you bragged about it
Giuliani: hey i only knew what Bush knew
Russert: so nothing then
Giuliani: i blockaded the mayor's office
Russert: to keep out black people or terrorists?
Giuliani: what's the difference?
Russet: why would you quit the 9/11 commission after 2 months just to make money
Giuliani: that's not the only reason I left
Russet: what was the other reason
Giuliani: to run for president
Russet: how selfless of you
Giuliani: i realized all the people on the commission were losers and i didn't want to be associated with them
Russet: you worked with Qatar to protect 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed is there nothing you won't do for money???
ha ha ha Timmy did you know we have troops in Qatar they are an ally!
Russet: the emir hates israel
Giuliani: no they are heroes in the warrn terra you can meet and talk to people on the steets od Doha
Russet: but those people are american soldiers!
Giuliani: i prefer to think of them as the emir Outsourced Protection Force
Russet: that's creative
Giuliani: we have to remain offensive!
Russet: the money you took came from a an account funding terrorism!
Giuliani: yes but those were terrorist on our side -- this is the kind of relationship we should have with the middle east they are modernizing and bringing our soldiers and that creates a threat from their own people
Russert: sounds like a protection racket
Giuliani: when you think about it it's a very positive relationship -- the closer they are too us the more threatened they are by terrorism and the more they need us
Russert: you also do business with Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il
Giuliani: [laughs out loud]
Russert: this is serious you hunchbacked troll
Giuliani: no it isn't you fat dullard
Russet: why not release the names of your clients or sever financial ties your shady companu
Giuliani: i can't release the names of my clients 'cause I promised Osama i wouldn't
Russert: this isn't your law firms it's that criminal operation you call a consulting firm
Giuliani: hey sometimes we did work of the highest quality
Russert: only sometimes?
Giuliani: we also phoned it in - hey people only wanted to slap the "Rudy 9/11" name on their companies anyway
Russert: will you release your tax returns
Giuliani: only if i win the nomination which looks increasingly unlikely
Russert: your buddy Bernie Kerik is accused of conspriacy, tax fraud, stealing, lying and god knows what else when you promoted him to Police Commissioner
Giuliani: such a tragedy for everybody
Russert: you were warned about his crimes
Giuliani: hey i appointed lots of people to reduce welfare and crime
Russert: well he was committed crimes
Giuliani: no he reduced violence in the city jails and lowered crime and he was a hero on 9/11 which i witnesses when we were trapped in a building together
Russert: i thought that was judith nathan
Giuliani: no that's my mistress you're thinking of Judith Regan
Russert: sorry i get those 2 confused
Russert: were you briefed
Giuliani: i don't remember that and i have had a conversation with him where we worked on his memory heh heh
Russert: you recommended him for Homeland Security when all this information was available!
Giuliani: Available but i didn't find it!
Russert: speaking of Judith Regan what about the Ground Zero love nest?
Giuliani: that's only an allegation
Russert: you have bad judgment
Giuliani: how could i have bad judgment and still lower crime in New York City?
Russert: because crime droppped nationally at the same time?
Russert: you spent tax money on your gumar
Giuliani: my family have been threatened and so have my girlfriends and when that happens i call in some professionals from the old country to take care of it
Russert: but no one knew she was your girlfriend
Giuliani: hey blame the NYPD -- all our lives were in danger
Russert: Kerik says it was all on your orders
Giuliani: they guys in my gang said it was ok
Russert: will you provide secret service protection for your mistess when you are president
Giuliani: of course!!
Russert: do you like homosexuals?
Rudy: it's not sinful my views come from the catholic church
Russert: i'm confused
Rudy: it's the act that are sinful not the person
Russert: let's move on to Congressional CAFE standards
Rudy: no let me being up my extra-marital affairs one more time
Russert: oh ok
Rudy: i'm have sinned!
Russert: ok you’re done